Why does my bf speak tagalog to his friends around me?


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alwayslost is offline alwayslost Post #1  September 20,2009, 7:43pm
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My boyfriend is Filipino but he speaks both fluent English and Tagalog. I noticed that whenever I'm around him and one of his friends calls, he'll say "hey, what's up?" in English but then most of the conversation, he'll speak Tagalog, and then at the end of the conversation before he says bye, he'll speak a couple sentences in english. I haven't mentioned it to him yet but I wonder what he's saying. Not that i'm nosey but I almost feel like he's either talking about me or that he's hiding something from me. I don't speak Tagalog. I've never met any of his friends. We've been together for 7 months and he's always treated me with more respect than any other guy i've met.

So, what's the deal with him not speaking in English on the phone? Oh, and I kinda noticed that he sometimes hesitates before he starts to speak in Tagalog kinda like if he had to think about whether or not it would be ok to say around me in English.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #2  September 21,2009, 10:59am

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He ever dentally does not want you to be privy to the conversation, the alternative is for him to excuse himself and take the call in a different room or to tell the other person that he can not talk and he'll call them back or for you to ignore it as your currently doing. Then again you could buy a tape from Berlitz School of languish and learn to understand his native languish without him knowing about it. But I would not make a big deal about it since he treats you very well. You could also ask him but I don't think that you'll get a great answer.

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vivv_l is offline vivv_l Post #3  September 21,2009, 12:30pm
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Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he is respectful towards your feelings, he will change it or reassure you. Other than that, you must trust that him speaking another language in front of you is merely out of habit or comfort.
 
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JongJungBu is offline JongJungBu Post #4  September 21,2009, 3:41pm
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Yeah, the people he is talking with may have that as their native language. So, it is expecting a lot to make him and his friends talk in a language that is not their native tongue just so you can understand what he is saying. Now, two people having that conversation right in front of you, yeah that is quite rude IMO. But the phone conversation is generally a private one, at least on one side.

But I agree, you should talk with him about it, and maybe even ask him if he's talking about you. At the least, he could go into another room then. But as well, a little trust goes a long way.
 
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vivv_l is offline vivv_l Post #5  September 21,2009, 3:55pm
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Hmm, you know what else Ive noticed?
I find it odd that you have this worry despite being with your boyfriend for 7 months in a relationship in which he respects you.
I also find it odd that you arent on a level of trust and respect where you can openly discuss your worries with him and not feel like you have to seek help elsewhere.
Anyone else find it odd?
Or am I the only one who discusses worries with my partner, no matter the rationality of it?
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #6  September 21,2009, 4:03pm
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vivv_l wrote :
Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he is respectful towards your feelings, he will change it or reassure you. Other than that, you must trust that him speaking another language in front of you is merely out of habit or comfort.
Sorry vivv...but I was reading your insightful post and became truly distracted. What is that in your mouth gurl????

(But I digress...please proceed all...)

BTW: Great post!
Last edited by legend29; September 21,2009 at 4:06pm.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  September 21,2009, 4:18pm
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If you are sincerely interested in him....start learning the language on your own and with his help. This way you won't feel so isolated and he will feel appreciation that you are making an effort to be a part of his world and showing respect for his culture. I also agree with Vivv to bring up this subject to him because you are going to be interacting more with his friends and family in the future and all too often out of lack of awareness this will make you feel like odd man out even though that is not their intention.
 
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vivv_l is offline vivv_l Post #8  September 21,2009, 4:25pm
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legend29 wrote :
Sorry vivv...but I was reading your insightful post and became truly distracted. What is that in your mouth gurl????

(But I digress...please proceed all...)

BTW: Great post!
Ahaha, oh wow thanks *blushes*
I assumed everyone feels the same way I do? Hence we are all insightful?
 
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LilyV is offline LilyV Post #9  September 21,2009, 9:26pm
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Woah, I saw this thread and I know I have to reply to this post (sorry for the delayed response).

I'm a U.S. born Filipina, but my parents were born in the native country. Btw, don't worry about it. My friends and family do the same thing. Although they speak fluent English, most natives and those who grew up speaking the language like to converse in Tagalog. I asked their opinions on it and they said it's just nice to see other Filipinos (after being foreigners here in the U.S. for awhile); it gives them a sense of "home" feeling.

Btw, I doubt your boyfriend is talking smack about you. :P ... Just tell him you're uncomfortable about it, though. Good luck!
 
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Tough Truth is offline Tough Truth Post #10  September 22,2009, 8:00am
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What surprises me certainly is NOT that you felt a need to post your worries here instead of speaking to your boyfriend.

Unless you left out that he recently moved to your location and that is why you've never met any of his friends, (or family perhaps?), after seven months (because they are all located too far away and he has not made local friends yet), then something is horribly wrong.

I suggest you get a background check on him and find out if you are dating a married man. If not, you need to ask him if he is uncomfortable presenting you to his friends due to race or religion. Or if he thinks presenting you to his friends means he is signaling a commitment in the relationship he doesn't want to make. Because, unless there is a rational reason, like distance I mentioned above, something is haywire and you should be concerned.
Last edited by Tough Truth; September 22,2009 at 8:05am.
 
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