They hired my ex where I work....


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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #1  September 20,2009, 10:15am
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Still looking for that person whos life has given them vodka...

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My ex and I met through work. Different departments, same building. It lasted about 4 months. She was injured at work, and went out on disability.
Its been a year since I've talked to her. Our breakup was bad. First she lied, about being pregnant of all things, and kept that going for a good month before letting me off the hook. Then, she started abusing her pain pills, which required a "guy friend" to come and watch her daughter while I was at work so she could dope up. Needless to say, he was a bit more than "friendly".
I was under the impression that the company caught her cheating for her disability, and was not going to let her come back, ever. But I'm not going to stick my nose into HR and start poking around because they know we had a bad history.
Well, I just found out that she starts back with us later this week. If nothing else, our workplace is a gossip factory. Sometimes to the point where people have been suspended for gossip. I work by myself fortunately, so I stay out of most of it. But she was close with a lot of the other people there, a few of whom are the major rumor starters.
I have no idea how big of a problem this is going to be yet. I have no doubt I will be seeing her around several times a week. Its a fairly small building. She has moved on, and I wouldn't go back to her if she was the last living female. Short of quitting, (which I refuse to quit when I've been there 11 years), got any ideas for dealing with this? Has anyone else ever had to end up working around their ex after a bad breakup?
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  September 20,2009, 10:24am
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This type of situation is just 1 of many reasons that it is usually a very bad idea to get involved with any people where you work, or any clients you may have contact with.

Sometimes this is called carping where you work!
 
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beachgirl5 is offline beachgirl5 Post #3  September 20,2009, 10:24am
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I'm not sure that I understand what the problem is. Just do your work and avoid her as much as possible. No drama necessary.
 
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centralnydude is offline centralnydude Post #4  September 20,2009, 11:05am
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Still looking for that person whos life has given them vodka...

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Well, the drama doesn't get started by me. What I meant was the drama gets started by other people in the building. Along the lines of "Oh I heard __ was hired back. I wonder if they're sleeping together again..." kinda stuff.
All she has to do is hint to the boss that I was rude to a customer (even if I wasn't), and get a couple people in on it to get me fired, or at least suspended. I've been threatened with suspension over something a passer-by took out of context.
My ex is not right in the head, neither are a few of her friends that work here either. She can play the total innocent person, and turn around and stab someone in the back. Shes very good at playing Jekyll-Hyde.

And I should rephrase my original statement. We worked in neighboring businesses originally when we started dating, then they hired her at my job. So, it didn't actually start while we were both working there. I don't think I would have started anything had I known we would be working together, for this very reason.

I guess what I'm asking is how to minimize the professional damage here. I have no idea if she still is twisted in the head, or has decided to leave it in the past and grow up. Guess that part remains to be seen. At least the boss is aware of how things ended in the past, lies and all, so he will be less likely to believe her if she decides to try anything.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  September 20,2009, 11:11am

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It's called "Sour Grapes", move past it. Say hello and good bye and be nice, but keep your distance you don't want anyone to know your personal business. Also stop complaining, everyone has to live, so it's live and leave her alone.

Harvey7.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #6  September 20,2009, 12:49pm
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You could always hope for make-up sex.
 
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brixjnz is offline brixjnz Post #7  September 20,2009, 12:58pm
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Explain the situation and your concerns to your boss and ask for any advice or input on how you can best protect your job and your reputation. This makes certain that he is aware of the situation and can thus take anything she says with a grain of salt, and also gives him the opportunity to offer solutions to help you navigate the waters to keep you out of trouble.
 
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blueshoe is offline blueshoe Post #8  September 20,2009, 1:16pm
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I can relate to some of this. I can't stress enough the huge importance in keeping your thoughts to yourself. If your boss can keep a confidence thats great. Most cannot.

Do your best to not bad mouth her when she comes back and for gosh sake don't go any where near her ever. If you see her or run into her. Say something honest and genuine re: her health but keep it light . And that's it !

If you think you need some coaching from HR do it. It's nice to have a witness or let someone see what your doing..

I just recently went through something like this although my history is nowhere near yours in the matter. Suffice it to say I didn't see someone for a whole year now going on two after a brief reengagement and I did fine. It will be another year till I see him again.

Where I work there is alot of nepotism, it's pretty unhealthy and toxic to be truthful. Keep your focus on the customer or product or whatever, not your co-workers and all their drama. Many need serious employee assistance rescource help ! Sounds like she does to.Let someone refer her to that .
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #9  September 20,2009, 1:24pm
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No, I have never dated a man from my workplace.

I have, however, seen two relationships break up and both people worked with me. It was uncomfortable for most people concerned, there actually was very little gossip occurring.

As a Manager - I have had to intervene when a relationship got rocky and one partner started in on the other partner in the workplace. It was quite embarrassing and her behaviour was very unprofessional. She was lucky to have kept her job and ended up leaving of her own accord several months later.

I think it is normal to want to protect yourself from gossip and danger to your job. You could request a formal meeting with your immediate Manager and a member of your HR Team and insist your concerns are documented. This may seem extreme, but if something does happen with your ex-partner; your concerns are already on record. If she does give you grief at work, you need to keep records of this and let your Management/HR know ASAP.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #10  September 20,2009, 1:55pm
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Laughingdaily wrote :
This type of situation is just 1 of many reasons that it is usually a very bad idea to get involved with any people where you work, or any clients you may have contact with.

Sometimes this is called carping where you work!
...or "craping" where you work. I agree - very bad idea!
 
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