Did I screw up? If so, how can I make things right?


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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #1  September 10,2009, 12:00pm
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I think I messed up last night. The guy I’ve been seeing for the past 9 months and I were in the ER (vet) because my dog had an accident. I ran into a former classmate (high school) and introduced the guy I’ve been seeing as “my friend, X.” He didn’t bring it up, but I’m wondering if he minded the introduction.
We’ve been exclusive and I think it would’ve been appropriate to refer to him as my “boyfriend” but I didn’t because we’ve never had “that” talk… I’ve never wanted to be the one who asks “what are we” because I like things to progress naturally.
In the past, a guy has become my boyfriend after asking me to be his girlfriend, but this guy hasn’t….Did I drop the ball by referring to him as “my friend” given that he’s obviously so much more? Should I ask him if he minded the reference? I like this guy a lot (we’ve already said I love you to each other) and wouldn’t want to hurt him.
If I screwed up (wouldn't want him to think I'm not taking him seriously), please let me know how I may make things right again. I'd appreciate any thoughts.


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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #2  September 10,2009, 12:03pm
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He would have said something if he had thought it was odd that you introduced him as a friend. I don't think you have to worry about it.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  September 10,2009, 12:08pm
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Agreed. There's nothing in your post that says he's offended or hurt at all. Just speculation on your part.
Ask HIM.
Or just leave it alone.
As a guy, I tend to go with a woman's actions way more than her words. Acting like a girlfriend is way more powerful than proclaiming it to people in the vet's office.
 
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ltc89 is offline ltc89 Post #4  September 10,2009, 12:29pm
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Actually, it could be a great opportunity to get clarification on what you really are to each other. You could bring up the incident, suggest that you used the term "friend" without giving it any particular thought at the time, and see how he felt about it. It could turn into "the talk" without anyone actually having to initiate "the official talk" . . .if you catch my drift.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #5  September 10,2009, 12:29pm
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Reading your post does not indicate that your boy friend responded one way or the other. That is a positive sign in my opinion. If he had gone sideways on you about it, then you may find he is immature or? Sounds kie you are worrying about nothing at this point.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  September 10,2009, 12:44pm
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Ditto what they all said.

But in the future I would suggest you drop the title when introducing your 'friend' and just say "this is 'john'" and let people draw their own conclusions.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #7  September 10,2009, 1:09pm
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You didn't mess up. You didn't know, and you took the path of least resistance. If you had used the term boyfriend, and it was wrong...what then?

You never had that talk, as you've said, he shouldn't expect something if it was never discussed.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  September 10,2009, 1:29pm
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tweet37 wrote :
But in the future I would suggest you drop the title when introducing your 'friend' and just say "this is 'john'" and let people draw their own conclusions.
Agreed. That's what I always did. An introduction does not require any relationship explanation by you for either party.
 
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gganastasia is offline gganastasia Post #9  September 10,2009, 1:30pm
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I don't think you did. I think this is the best time for you to clarify this with him. That way you can stop trying guess as to what you are to each other. You both have said I love you to one another, so I think at this point to get the clarification would not be a bad idea.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  September 10,2009, 1:32pm
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tweet37 wrote :
But in the future I would suggest you drop the title when introducing your 'friend' and just say "this is 'john'" and let people draw their own conclusions.

Exactly right.
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