hotdog14u is offline hotdog14u Post #1  September 10,2009, 7:49am
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is mowing the yard for the first time all year!

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So, my GF of 7 months and I have a great time 2 weekends ago.

We go to the beach - splash around- cook outside - laugh - touch - hold hands- the whole thing...we came home-showered together...had quality time and totally great lovemaking sessions all weekend....

Our months together, learning about each other, has been orderly and wonderful--like unfurling a rose or walking through a laberynth - we are committed to making each other happy and loved and supported.. Our sex life has been a learning experience as well. I have never worked so hard at trying to please a woman, but we were making progress - I thought...

So this past weekend, I am looking forward to a 3 day weekend with her- actually turned out to be a 4 day weekend for us!

In the first time we find ourselves in a romantic moment - we start to engage in our ritiual as we move closer to the physical intimacy, foreplay, which leads to sex and lovemaking for us--when she turns to me as drops the bomb on me:

"You know" she says, "You are very good at making love with me and to me"--"and when I am ready to go, you are ready and please me to no end with all of our physical activity, together"

BUT....

"you don't really know the art of seduction, do you?"

I almost fell out of our mid-day futon romp and hit the floor...What does she mean, "The Art of Seduction"? - like it is the title of one of those coffee table tomes from Barabra Bradford...

She went on to say, as she could see she wounded me, my pride, or whatever ego I had left at that point, "What I mean is, you never really work at getting me in the mood, but you always expect me to be in the mood...and when I am- it is wonderful, some of the BEST (she stressed that word!) I have ever had-- but your seduction techniques are a little lacking..."

I continued to watch her lips move, but my mind drifted away to some of the best lovemaking I have shared with other women- and I have not had any complaints. Let me also say that I think myself to be a very romantic guy, a strong sensitive, caring type man. All of the lovemaking/sex I have shared has always been in a committed relationship and I have never had a "one-night stand"...

Can anyone help me to understand SEDUCTION? and how do I learn it - get it - keep it??? How does it differ from ROMANCE?

Like she says, " You are always making love to me, it's just your seduction that needs a little tweaking..."

HUH?
Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Kate; September 10,2009 at 10:27am.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  September 10,2009, 10:48am
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OK. First, I don't have all the answers. And no-one does. But I'll give you my best take from my own experience and what you wrote.
Seduction = mystery and excitement in a woman's mind.
You think you already accomplished the act of seducing her that first time you two had sex. Wrong. She wants that excitement repeated. Each and every time. It's more than foreplay.
To you (and I) a woman only needs to seduce us (getting us excited for the act) by simply looking great.
It's mostly visual.
For women, it's emotional.
The tension and anticipation you successfully created with her at the beginning is what she wants repeated.
What you're doing is assuming (rightly so) that since you're already in a relationship with her, you don't have to "convince" her to have sex with you.
We guys can never win, right?

So here's what you should do (0r a variation of it).
Create tension. How do you create this? Just like a rope. Pull back. Take one step forward and two steps back. Kiss her, and walk away. Tell her no.
Make her wait.
Tease her.
Make her crazy with dangling the act just out of her reach for a while. Don't just go in for the kill.
Make her work for sex with you, don't just reward it automatically.
Get it?
Try it. I'll be she likes it. At the worst, she'll know you tried something different.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  September 10,2009, 10:57am
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hotdog14u wrote :

In the first time we find ourselves in a romantic moment - we start to engage in our ritiual as we move closer to the physical intimacy, foreplay, which leads to sex and lovemaking for us--when she turns to me as drops the bomb on me:

"You know" she says, "You are very good at making love with me and to me"--"and when I am ready to go, you are ready and please me to no end with all of our physical activity, together"

BUT....

"you don't really know the art of seduction, do you?"


HUH?
It's a pretty blunt way of telling you that you are not as sensitive as you think you are and that you are very oblivious to how she feels and whether she is in the mood or not. You've learned how to please her in a mechanical sense, but the emotional connection for her is lacking more often than not.

Above, you yourself gave a classic example of what's wrong - "In the first time we find ourselves in a romantic moment - we start to engage in our ritiual as we move closer to the physical intimacy..." The correction here is not "we" found ourselves but "YOU" felt that way and acted on it while totally oblivious whether she wanted it or not. In fact she was not actually in the mood and basically you kind of went for it with the old "yawn" tried and true boring routine that leads to getting what YOU want - sex. (I'm not trying to be mean to you.)

So maybe you are as great as you say and she goes along with it, but at the end of the day there is a breaking point. She needs more than just mechanical pleasure and she is not always feeling the "romance" (read that as lust), that you are feeling. Most women are like that. We often need more mental stimulation than that to get us in the mood when we are not. We need the emotional connection beyond just the physical stimulation. As for how do you do that....well....I'm sure there are plenty of self help books out there to give you some ideas. Or maybe it's just as simple as you not being quite some presumptuous about yourself all the time actually trying harder to tune into what she is feeling.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  September 10,2009, 10:59am
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I'd like to add...
I noticed this post was tagged "seduction vs. romance".
And that can be farther from the truth.
As is proof in this post, Seduction IS A PART of successful romance! Most people forget this and then wonder why their partners get bored.
Sweet and deep romantic, looking in each other's eyes love-making is great. But if that's all you bring to the table, without any excitement, then you risk having a bored partner.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  September 10,2009, 11:00am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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double post
Last edited by jayjay; September 10,2009 at 5:01pm.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  September 10,2009, 11:04am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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hotdog14u wrote :
"you don't really know the art of seduction, do you?"
Sounds to me like a woman who has just read a book or magazine article on 'the art of seduction'. At least the art of seduction according to someone trying to sell a book or magazine.

I'm all for contributing to a woman feeling good and enjoying herself with me, but I really don't go for the 'passive' role of a woman just waiting for me to 'seduce' her.

One other thing....the way you used the word 'ritual' made it sound like you may have a routine that works up to sex. I'd just suggest not getting to stuck in one predictable pattern.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #7  September 10,2009, 11:14am
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Well, your seduction ways can't be too bad if all they need is "a little tweaking". That raises the question of why she needed to mention it if that's all it needed. But leave that for some other time.

Moving right along - if you want to know what she means by "seduction" the logical thing to do is ask her. In fact, she is the one bringing up this terrible deficiency - it is her responsibility to provide a clear description of what she is talking about. Sit her down and tell her to explain her concept of "seduction" in detail so you can grow.
Be sure to encourage her to use examples of what specific things she does to seduce you in order to help you understand what it is your methods are lacking. Promise her you will sit quietly and listen to her with total objectivity and a pen and notepad, if necessary. The sit there quietly and listen to her. When she stops talking, tell her to please continue because you are still listening in case there is more.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  September 10,2009, 11:19am
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I'd like to know what Kate edited out of the OP.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  September 10,2009, 11:22am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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tweet37 wrote :
I'd like to know what Kate edited out of the OP.
That's odd. I've never noticed an eHA moderator editing posts. I know some are modded and never appear....but I haven't seen them change posts before.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  September 10,2009, 11:24am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Seneca wrote :
Well, your seduction ways can't be too bad if all they need is "a little tweaking". That raises the question of why she needed to mention it if that's all it needed. But leave that for some other time.

Moving right along - if you want to know what she means by "seduction" the logical thing to do is ask her. In fact, she is the one bringing up this terrible deficiency - it is her responsibility to provide a clear description of what she is talking about. Sit her down and tell her to explain her concept of "seduction" in detail so you can grow.
Be sure to encourage her to use examples of what specific things she does to seduce you in order to help you understand what it is your methods are lacking. Promise her you will sit quietly and listen to her with total objectivity and a pen and notepad, if necessary. The sit there quietly and listen to her. When she stops talking, tell her to please continue because you are still listening in case there is more.

I think she'll need to go check what the article says he should be doing and get back to him.
 
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