He wouldn't Commit so I Left; Now I think I made a Mistake


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nightling is offline nightling Post #31  November 7,2009, 6:40pm
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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neardc wrote :
Just noting that the OP posted this thread two months ago and hasn't posted again since (even to respond to the several pages of responses from September).
Where do all these old threads keep coming from? lol
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #32  November 7,2009, 7:27pm
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Kumbaya, people!

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Well...lol. eHA almost never deletes a thread. So, the tens of thousands of threads that have been started since the service began are all still here. I honestly don't know how people manage to find old topics to bring back up, but I suppose that they must either just randomly scroll through pages or perhaps search for a topic and find a thread that way.

Anyway, not everyone looks at the date a thread was first posted or thinks about whether it still makes sense to respond. Some topics are general ones that can sort of be picked up at any time, but others are more time limited (and in my view it's--frankly--a waste of time to respond to those).

The only sure way not to get "caught" in responding to an old thread is to always look at the date that a thread was created (actually, it's a good idea to look at both the original post and the more recent posts; sometimes you'll find that the OP announced a year ago that the issue had been resolved...lol).
 
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Sawyer76 is offline Sawyer76 Post #33  November 8,2009, 8:54am
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This guy sounds like he has serious commitment issues. It's a shame to think you read other posts on here and are thinking it might be better to settle with this guy than get back in the dating community again. It sounds like you've been on a roller coaster ride in this relationship. True, he is a gentleman that was honest enough with you to be upfront and tell you what his issues are but the bottom line is, he has commitment issues that he needs to work on. I would cut all ties and move on and if down the road he gets some help and you two end up back together then great, but in the meantime, I dont see this relationship going anywhere other than more roller coaster riding and more hurt feelings and time wasted.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #34  November 8,2009, 9:35am
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Esther! Please stick to your guns!

He has a been wavering and non committal pretty much the whole time!

What you did was right. If you want a committed relationship and the man you are dating isn't giving it to you after many months together, the smart thing to do is to start being scarce (like you are doing). He needs to know you are serious with your wants and to not waste your time or emotions.

Do not do a thing. Do not contact him in any way. ONLY talk to him if he comes back willing to commit to you. Please make this promise to yourself. I know it's hard but you deserve a relationship that is more secure, less drama. If he doesn't come back, you know your answer and you are free to say "yes" to a man who will commit to you.

When a man wants to be there, he stays. He doesn't go back and forth, he doesn't ask for space...there is a constancy in the relationship. He is just there and even in times of stress...will stay there.

Good luck.
 
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indigirl1975 is offline indigirl1975 Post #35  November 14,2009, 9:39am
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If you can watch the video for the song call it off by Tegan and Sara, it explains exactly what you are going through, what I am going through, what I have been doing for 3 years of my life.Trust your gut. Besides, oddly enough the only thing that can make him want to come back if for you to just do nothing.

Here is some of the song:


Maybe I would've been something you'd be good at
Maybe you would've been something I'd be good at
But now we'll never know
(Now we'll never)
I won't be sad but in case I go there every day to make myself feel bad
(Every day)
There's a chance that I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do
(Start to wonder)
I'll start to wonder if this was the thing to do
(Start to wonder)
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #36  November 14,2009, 3:16pm

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Here is a song for all of the peeps that 2nd. guess themselves.

It's called "Who's Sorry Now" !

Harvey7.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #37  November 14,2009, 4:14pm
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When you first start dating, was he so excited about you that he had to tell the whole world about how awesome you are and call you his girlfriend?

I'm a big believer that men sort of have to go through this infatuation stage in order to bond with you emotionally. If he was just so-so, then I would say that you didn't screw up because he wasn't into you in the first place.

It sounds like this is the first "big" relationship both of you have gone through. No matter what ultimately happens, if this is any consolation to you -- he's the one that got away and you learn to appreciate the next one. So move on to someone you do get along with.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #38  November 14,2009, 4:25pm
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Nope, you made the right decision. Sometimes they are difficult to make, but once you have gone on with your life, you will see the wiseness of your choice. Don't ever doubt yourself. You were just afraid that's all. You'll be fine.

Good luck
 
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