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legend29 legend29 is offline
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EMTZ wrote :
You already told him what you wanted from him and he told you he couldn't give that to you, at least for now.

So move on with your life. If he realizes some day that he wants you the way you want him, he will ask you back. Sometimes someone has to lose something before he realizes what s/he wants. Also, never let anyone think s/he can take you for granted. By wanting him back after what has happened, I will not be surprised if he will think that about you.

From your description of how he has acted towards you, however, unfortunately I have to say that he doesn't seem to think you are the one for him. So if I were you I would do my best to forget him completely.

I do not know any guy who will act as flaky as that guy to you if he truly thinks you are perfect for him.

I personally think you did the right thing by dumping him.
I wholeheartedly agree!

In my experience, if a man really, really wants a woman..he will move mountains to keep her. He is not flaky, nor reserved...and sees her as a catch that he must have before any other man gets his hands on her.

Men can be quite assertive...even the shy ones...when they know they are about to lose a woman they can't imagine not having in their life anymore. The OP's ultamatum should have given her SO a significant 'wake-up call', but his apparent reticence speaks volumes...I would leave this man alone if a committed relationship was what I wanted with him.
Last edited by legend29; September 10th, 2009 at 08:51 am.
- September 10th, 2009, 04:32 am
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boccabum boccabum is offline
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reenz wrote :
Um, I'm not even sure where to begin here. If they were just friends and she was pressuring him for a relationship, that would be an entirely different issue. But if she's been romantically involved with him for a year, then I think him not wanting to offer her a full commitment is just selfish. If after one year he still isn't interested in committing to her... not even as a marriage partner, but merely as a boyfriend... then he has absolutely no business at all to kiss her, have sex with her or play with her emotions. I personally would not get physically involved with anyone unless the committment was already there. Contrary to your advice, I think she already gave him way too much while asking way too little of him.
That's exactly why he did the right thing by letting her go. To me, that's the opposite of selfish. But if you want to call his honesty selfish that's your choice.
People have a right to reflect on what they're doing and adjust their lives after realizing it's not right for them. Just because you date someone for a year doesn't mean you're obligated to continue something wrong for you.
And, you said she gave way too much while asking way too little of him. What did she give that he didn't give? They dated each other, it didn't work out, he bowed out. It happens all the time. She admits, herself, that this is a great guy.
- September 10th, 2009, 06:54 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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wrote :
They will "screen" you pretty early on to see what you will tolerate
this is so true. its critical to kick these guys to the curb at first offense because its only going to get worse if you put up with it.
- September 10th, 2009, 08:02 am
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DancingFool DancingFool is offline
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It's normal to have regrets about a recent break up. However, in those moments we tend to see our ex partner in a better light than he actually is. So don't do that to yourself.

You were right to end things and from the situation, he sounds weak - meaning he kind of told you that this is not working for him, but at the same time he left you hoping. Instead of saying straight up that things are not going to work out between the two of you, he gave you excuses about work. Forget them because that's just another way of saying it's not you it's me. You did the right thing by ending things and don't regret it.
- September 10th, 2009, 08:33 am
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Rainfallgirl Rainfallgirl is offline
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I wouldn't trust a man who adopted a kitten with someone other than me.
I wouldn't trust a man who lived with a woman other than me.
I wouldn't trust a man who after all that time was unwilling to call you his girlfriend.
You did the right thing. Always trust your instincts and it sounds like you did. That was the right thing to do. It is painful but it is will be worth it in the long run.
- September 18th, 2009, 08:39 pm
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kahappy kahappy is offline
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I dated someone like this, too. I had to end it because he was miserable with himself, hated his job, was depressed, etc. etc.
Best thing I ever did. He wasn't going to help himself and I couldn't force him to. Same applies to you. Now you're free to find someone who actually has his life together and room for you in it!
- September 20th, 2009, 03:57 pm
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TomatoSauce TomatoSauce is offline
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your post remind me of the movie "He's Just Not That Into You "

Watch this movie, it will truly enlighten you.
Good luck, there is someone out there for you that truly love you.
- November 7th, 2009, 01:55 pm
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nightling nightling is offline
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He won't acknowledge you as his girlfriend and he is living with another woman with whom he adopted a kitten? Why do you think you made a mistake kicking him to the curb?

I think what you did was entirely sensible.
- November 7th, 2009, 05:30 pm
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Alli824 Alli824 is offline
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A half a week without contact is not a long time. You also said he called you several times trying to patch this up but you were adamant you didn't want him to be in touch until he was ready to commit. You disconnected him from all your social networks-- a pretty strong message as far as I'm concerned. Only a doormat would contact you after that.The way I read this you didn't think he "grovelled enough."

Most men need a couple of weeks to think things through. This may not be a popular opinion, but if you're truly interested in this man I would reach out to him again in a couple of weeks. You're in your late twenties - young as far as I'm concerned. Clearly state your expectations and if he's still waffling then walk. By then he should have had a good dose of missing you, and his ambivalence at this point will clearly tell you he's just not into you. I also want to mention if he suffers from depression and is on meds it would explain a lot. Depressed men are difficult to have relationships with.
- November 7th, 2009, 05:58 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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Just noting that the OP posted this thread two months ago and hasn't posted again since (even to respond to the several pages of responses from September).
- November 7th, 2009, 06:11 pm
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