I think I have come to a decision.


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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #1  September 2,2009, 7:17am
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After the feedback from my last post, I decided to give it some time and see where things go. Well, over the weekend I was at his house and things were fine and I got a call Saturday morning at 3:30 a.m.that my 18 year old daughter's best friend was killed in a motorcycle accident. I immediately left and went home to be with my daughter. These last few days have been very emotional for my daughter and myself as we were both very close to her and she even called me mom. They have been friends all theie lives and just graduated together.

Well, he has only called me once to see how I was doing and that was on Monday night. This has shown me alot that if he cared and was there for me the communication would have been more. I decided a couple weeks ago that I was going to give him the space he needed and let him contact me to get together and do things. This lack of communication on his part really shows me how much he cares about me. When he needed me through his move and to talk I was there for him and now when I need him-almost poof.

Am I on the right track here?

Here is a link to my old post. http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...situation.html (New perspective on my situation)
for the history on this one.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  September 2,2009, 7:31am
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And now for something completely different...

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wrote :
After the feedback from my last post, I decided to give it some time and see where things go.
If this is the decision you've come to, I agree with it.
Sounds like there's so much going on with both of you, right now(I read your post from before, but not all the replies)

Yeah, it does seem like he should have kept in contact a bit more, but maybe he was trying to give you "alone time" with your daughter? Is that possible?
Last edited by TheThinker; September 2,2009 at 7:33am.
 
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Sweetsouthernmagnolia is offline Sweetsouthernmagnolia Post #3  September 2,2009, 7:47am
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How much do you really value this relationship? Sounds to me like you have sort of made up your mind prior to the untimely event. Can you cut him some slack here? Some people just don't know what to say/do/think about death---either someone they know or not. Give yourself some breathing space before you make a major decision.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  September 2,2009, 11:06am
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From my simple perspective maybe you should just focus on the immediate situation and not worry about him for a little bit.

I can speak here from very personal experience to both sides of this as a parent who has lost a child.

When family comes and then others try to help and things get out of control one can have many things run through your mind.

Some people do not handle this type of situation very well. Not judging, just saying he may want to stay clear for his own reasons.
 
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86CJ7 is offline 86CJ7 Post #5  September 2,2009, 1:14pm

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Did you think that he may just be giving you the space you need to deal with the situation?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  September 2,2009, 1:40pm
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86CJ7 wrote :
Did you think that he may just be giving you the space you need to deal with the situation?
Exactly what I was thinking..... Everyone reacts differently to grief and loss - some people want to be left alone and need space to come to terms with their loss. If that's not what you need - did you tell him? Did you ask him to come over and hold you or are you just expecting for him to read you mind?

I'm truly sorry about your loss, but it sounds like you really do need to take some time to yourself and find balance again in your life, and then take a fresh look at your relationship and where you two stand.
 
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Seneca is offline Seneca Post #7  September 2,2009, 3:34pm
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Most of the others have given good advice - it looks like a great time to cut him some slack and take care of your immediate business with your daughter.
He may feel that he is not (yet) enough a part of your life to be welcome as more than a casual "consoler". He really is facing a tough call with that and I think most people would prefer to stay modest with their involvement unless asked.
Take care of your daughter (and yourself) and thank him sincerely for whatever concern and support he has shown you.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #8  September 2,2009, 6:07pm
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Actions, not words. (he had neither)

I think you're on the right track.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  September 2,2009, 6:30pm
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You can't infer things unless you talk to him.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #10  September 3,2009, 3:44pm

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I don't think the 2 situations are inter-related. Please define what he could have or should have done for you or you daughter during or after the tradgey?
I can relate to the situation, since I have a 22 year old daughter but I would throw her out of the house for riding on the back of a motorcycle. People that ride motorcycles are walking advertising for Body Parts are us. Why in the world would an 18 year old girl be riding a cycle at 1, 2 or 3 AM? Does she have parents? You can be thankful it's not your daughter.

Now going back to your B/F there is nothing that he can do or say and since it's not your daughter, where do you think that he failed you?

Harvey7.
 
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