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dietpepsi dietpepsi is offline
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Agree with DeBrown.

If you are looking for a long-term partner who sticks with you through natural disasters and disabilities, you need someone who will always take action to remove obstacles in your life and ensure your happiness.

It starts with someone who loves you fiercely and doesn't make excuses.
- September 2nd, 2009, 01:53 am
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BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is offline
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snowygirl wrote :
In the past year he has realized that he is not "in love" with me - just a part of him loves me
I bet I know which part ...
- September 2nd, 2009, 05:01 am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
I bet I know which part ...
Hee hee
- September 2nd, 2009, 05:41 am
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CreolePrincess CreolePrincess is offline
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CreolePrincess It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Sometimes it's really hard to let go of things that we are familiar with even when we know it's no good for us because the unknown is just too doggone scary to venture out there into it.

The thing is, no one can make anyone love him/her. It could be that this man may "want" to make it work and he may even stay with you for years without ever falling in love with you. There are people who we love as friends and there can never be anything more than that. If you want to stick it out with him, that's your choice. But it's not much fun being in a relationship all by yourself.

Of course, he may one day realize that he is really in love with you. That's a gamble that could happen. So, it boils down to, how long are you will to live as you are right now? When you answer that question, you'll have the answer of what to do about your situation. Best of luck.
- September 2nd, 2009, 06:46 am
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+1 or you can stay as FWB
- September 2nd, 2009, 08:23 am
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Mokkesofie Mokkesofie is offline
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DeBrown wrote :
HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. Guys mean that when they say it, and once they've said it, they are highly unlikely to change their minds!
Not always the case. I recently had a 2 year relationship with a guy who said he was in-love with me, talked about us moving in together, then he dumped me because he and his ex wanted to give it another try.
- September 2nd, 2009, 09:29 am
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TiffanyDiamond TiffanyDiamond is offline
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DeBrown wrote :
Hi Snowy,

I have learned the hard way that when a man says he isn't "in love" with you-- believe him. And the odds of him falling in love with you after a year are slim to none.

He is playing you, Snowy. He knows he wants someone else, but he is keeping you as "backup." And for someone to hang out with, have sex with, and enjoy conversation with.

I guarantee is he NOT thinking of you as "marriage material." He is really being unfair to you to continue the relationship when he knows he isn't going to commit to you.

My advice is to break it off once and for all. Don't "stay friends" because you won't be able to do that. A clean break is best. I know your daughter loves him, but dragging this on will only make it harder for her (and you!) later on.

And let me ask you a question. Why would you want someone who is so damaged?? He's been divorced twice, he's in therapy... this is not a prime candidate for a family man and a father to your child! I am always amazed when people are so willing to commit a lifetime to someone who is not healthy emotionally. You would be committing to a lifetime of problems, I guarantee you 100%.

Break it off, and find the stable, healthy, good man you and your daughter deserve!

I second EVERYTHING DeBrown says. You need to get away from him fast!!!
- September 2nd, 2009, 10:22 am
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Shelby Shelby is online now
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A cautionary tale...

One year becomes two years becomes three years becomes nine years and he never becomes ready. You break up with him and he gets back with his ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago and marries her within six months.

Been there done that. Don't repeat history. Unless you want to risk waiting 10 years.
- September 2nd, 2009, 09:33 pm
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It's tempting to go with the majority on this and say move on... but from what you've said, I'm not so sure.
My inclination is to support the advice from "boccabum". I would say to sit down and really analyze what you have with him now. Set aside the philosophical "in love" concept temporarily and evaluate what you already have - you may (or may not) discover you already have more than many couples who are "in love".
His saying he is "not in love with" you may be a reaction to your pressure for more "commitment" (whatever that is). He may be loving you now - just not in the Hollywood sense of Sir Galahad.
Can you and your daughter depend on him? Is he respectful and loyal to you? Can you trust him to be honest and considerate? Does he give thought to what is good or best for you and your daughter? Is he genuinely happy for you when something good happens?
Those are all good things that many "committed" couples don't have. They are all things that are parts of loving someone. If he is all those things maybe you both need to realize he is loving you.
You could move on to find - or look for - the proverbial "healthier" mate but if your current guy is doing all those good things now, a mate healthier than that isn't going to come in every box of corn flakes.
If you stay together even another 9 years and then part friends - have you really lost? Or did you and your daughter have a pretty good man around all the way through her high school years? There are a bunch of people who would be thrilled with that alone. Could you really say that time was wasted if it was nine years of security and happiness for you and your daughter?

Maybe the next time he tells you he "isn't in love with you" you could just smile sweetly, say "Yes Dear", and go right on enjoying having your relationship with him. The new Peace he finds in your attitude may bring the Peace he needs in his. It could be worth a try.

Sorry to be so long - just put me down as +1 for Boccabum's advice.
Last edited by Seneca; September 6th, 2009 at 08:02 pm.
- September 6th, 2009, 07:56 pm
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It may be really hard. But do both of you a favor and walk away. Best wishes.
- September 6th, 2009, 08:23 pm
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