Thank you Work in Progress. You really spelled things out in a way that makes a lot of sense to me. I agree, I am not listening to him or hearing him...probably because I dont want to accept it. What you mention about the reasons why he is able to hang out with his friends is exactly what he has said to me. I do believe we will eventually be together like we were but in the meantime I guess I should just back off.

I can't put my finger on what the root cause is -- but if he respects you as a person and values you as a member of his support group, you should hear from him every 2 weeks until he sorts things out.

You should leave him alone and just do your own thing for a while. Your last communication should be short, positive and supportive.

If 3 weeks passes by without hearing from him, then there's your answer.

Thanks dietpepsi. I do believe he respects me as a person. He tells me all the time how he thinks I'm the best person he's ever met and he thinks I'm great. Since this all started, I hear from him like every few days but usually a text that says something like "I'm sorry I'm not there for you. You definitely deserve more than I can give you right now". To which I reply, that he doesnt need to apologize and that I am here for him.

After much analysis on my end, I'm starting to think the root cause of the problem is that I was the only one he told about his job situation and I thought I was being understanding by telling him everything happens for a reason, your job doesnt define you etc. But at the same time, I was still pushing him to go out every weekend and getting mad at him when he didn't want to do anything. He kept telling me he wasnt in the mood to be around people. Or he would say he didn't want to go too far from home. I was definitely giving him a hard time and telling him I was tired of doing nothing (because we did that for several weekends). So looking back, he kept saying I wasn't listening to him and now I see, I wasn't. I should have been more understanding about what he was going through and realized there will always be more weekends and he needed to deal with this the way he felt comfortable, not the way I wanted him to. I was just trying to take the optimistic approach to dealing with him problem and I pushed him so much to do things, that he eventually started to tell me to make my own plans on the weekend because he didn't want to commit to anything in advance...and that's when this all started going downhill. After several weekends of him not wanting to see me, I complained more, he pulled back more, called less etc.

I truly believe that when a man, at the early stages of a relationship tells a woman about all of his previous baggage; abuse, bad relationships where he was lied to and cheated on by his partner and he did absolutely nothing wrong--he's laying ground work. He gets you to look at him as the poor, wounded creature who needs you to save him, be especially sensitive to his needs and provide for him (as demonstrated by your "helping" him look for other employment, when you should be focusing on your own job search). Then when he decides to leave the relationship, he can point out his previous history and how it has damaged him to the point that he cannot sustain a healthy romantic relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I am not denying the fact that there are people who come from truly horrendous backgrounds. Is he one of them? Who knows?

I am curious, is your friend losing his job because of the economy or because his job performance is not up to snuff?

I find it interesting that you have posted to this board seeking advice, but you have rejected the advice from the posters who have not quite told you what you want to hear.

I think that the man in question is trying in a gentle way to tell you that he no longer wants to pursue a relationship with you, as evidenced by his failing to return your calls and his un-willingness to spend time with you. I would let it go. But I get the distinct impression that you are going to continue calling him; forcing him to be a bit more blunt, and hurtful in getting his message across.