Posting for a friend...seriously


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Emme is offline Emme Post #1  August 29,2009, 4:27pm

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She's too afraid to join here and post it herself so I offered.

How do men feel if they find out the woman they're dating was involved in several serious lesbian relationships before their relationship? My friend is involved with a man right now that she really likes a lot, but doesn't know how/when to tell him this about herself. Anyone have any advice/experience on this issue?
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #2  August 29,2009, 5:00pm
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Emme you may want to ask your friend how well she knows this guy and what her "real" plans are.

I have had experiences with 2 women, one was just bi-curious and the other one had decided to go back to men after a series of nasty relationships with women.

You all know the old saying about a woman scorned. Both were upfront when we first talked and set things right out on the table.

This was not a problem for me, but thats me. I do not care for the "oh by the way there is something I think you should know" after you are involved to some extent.

Hope this helps
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #3  August 29,2009, 5:05pm

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I think they've been dating about a month, and she feels strongly enough about him to think it could be a long term thing. She fears it's too late to tell him and he'll bolt, or too early to tell him and he'll bolt. I guess maybe she'll have to go with her gut. I don't think she has any intention of going back to women. She is finding it much easier to connection emotionally to men than to women.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #4  August 29,2009, 5:09pm
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Well there is a question about being open and honest, but the time frame is still short. It is her call and I would say she should be honest and take the consequenses.

She will have trouble due to holding this back and things will go down in flames!!

Are you going to set up a site for your friend?? If so I can give you insight on that as well.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #5  August 29,2009, 5:13pm
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I don't have a clue of how one would start this conversation, but if she's considering getting serious with him, she definately needs to have a conversation with him before he finds out by some other means.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #6  August 29,2009, 5:19pm
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She should learn how to have a serious and open talk with this guy. Set emotions aside for a little bit and get this out on the table. Waiting will not help.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #7  August 29,2009, 5:21pm
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CreolePrincess is right. What if he finds out somewhere else????
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #8  August 29,2009, 5:22pm

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You mean set up a profile for her here? I wouldn't do that without her say so, and I gave her the link to this site so she could certainly do that on her own and no one would know it's her about whom I posted.

I have no idea how to start such a conversation. I have enough awkward things (like depression) I have to figure out when to disclose to even think of how to bring up something like prior same sex relationships.

I will say that I find it exceedingly difficult to think of her of straight after all this time. I find this change far more awkward than when she told me she was a lesbian. Kind of freaky to "switch teams" in your early 40s.
 
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Emme is offline Emme Post #9  August 29,2009, 5:23pm

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I wonder if she's thought about his finding out another way than directly from her. I'll have to point that out. She was more wondering if guys in general were freaked out by this kind of past, or if they could get past it.
 
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Laughingdaily is offline Laughingdaily Post #10  August 29,2009, 5:33pm
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She doesn't need to wonder about "guys" right now. She either needs to tell him straight up or turn him loose and try again. Next time set this out on her first few in person contacts and go from there. To each their own, so if I am ok that does not mean her guy is ok with this info.
 
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