RaymondP100 is offline RaymondP100 Post #1  August 27,2009, 9:20pm
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I’m an Asian American male looking for romance and dating. I have a relationship with someone from my native land that I’ve been talking to and emailing for the past two years. She really loves me. I might see her personally this December. However, I feel that she lives too far away. Should I dump her and move on?
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  August 28,2009, 10:17am
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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Have you been thinking of your correspondence with this woman as a romance? Or, is she just a pen pal to you? How do you feel about her? Is she someone you could consider marrying?

If your feelings about her are not romantic, then the distance doesn't matter one way or the other; the issue is that you just don't have feelings for her.

If this is a romance, then why has distance suddenly become an issue now that you might actually meet after two years? If you truly believe that there is nowhere for the relationship to go, then it would be best to release this woman so she can find love with someone else.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #3  August 28,2009, 11:04am
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neardc wrote :
Have you been thinking of your correspondence with this woman as a romance? Or, is she just a pen pal to you? How do you feel about her? Is she someone you could consider marrying?

If your feelings about her are not romantic, then the distance doesn't matter one way or the other; the issue is that you just don't have feelings for her.

If this is a romance, then why has distance suddenly become an issue now that you might actually meet after two years? If you truly believe that there is nowhere for the relationship to go, then it would be best to release this woman so she can find love with someone else.
Agreed. Nobody can answer that question for you, only you know how much effort this relationship is worth to you. Maybe the problem is you don't want to make a decision? The distance is safe, comfortable, but now you may actually have to face her in person and if you decide you want more it will take a lot of work (and maybe expense, if she needs a Visa.)
If you love her, do what it takes. If not, let her go.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  August 28,2009, 12:27pm
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I'm not sure why you titled this thread "minority dating"? Oh well.
But I just wonder. Why would anyone who hasn't met you in person claim they love you and really believe it. And more importantly, why would you believe it?
I am VERY skeptical that a relationship between two people who've never physically met can actually work out. It usually doesn't. I don't care what cultural things are in play here! The fact is, you have NO IDEA what real physical chemistry you two have.
Attraction and lust is a MAJOR component in "love". There is documented evidence that 2 people with opposite body chemistry tend to attract and that the wrong combination of scent, looks, and other things can make attraction impossible.
That's why MOST LDRs don't succeed.
Don't dump her but for your own sake, make no commitment, promise, self-imposed feelings or any other emotional investment until you actually meet and spend time with this girl!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  August 28,2009, 1:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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You're thinking of this now? After 2 years? Duh.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  August 28,2009, 2:31pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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You've never actually met, you've been writing for two years, and she loves you. Hmmmmm....you've known where she lives all this time, and now that you have the chance to meet her you're thinking you might just dump her instead.

Yes, dump her. Give her the chance to meet someone who wants to actually be with her. If you were truly interested, you would have met her a long time ago to see if this could have developed into something. LDRs won't work if you don't actually have an interest in ever meeting the person, and really, this isn't even an LDR because there's no R!
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #7  August 28,2009, 3:02pm
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I have had the opportunity to spend lots of time with people of Asian decent and so I know what I am talking about when I say your character is quite cold. I can just imagine what this woman is thinking because people from your culture take communications quite seriously and you have been stringing her along for 2 years! This is not some girl you picked up in a bar. I hope you let her down kindly and gently and I am happy that she will soon be free of you.

Now if you are separating from her because you are getting cold feet...that is a different story. Then I would suggest you examine your reasoning behind such a decision. There are not a lot of people who would invest 2 years of communications...this says a lot about a person's character especially in today's world where people are as constant as the wind.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #8  August 28,2009, 3:58pm
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PR_Princess wrote :
I have had the opportunity to spend lots of time with people of Asian decent and so I know what I am talking about when I say your character is quite cold. I can just imagine what this woman is thinking because people from your culture take communications quite seriously and you have been stringing her along for 2 years! This is not some girl you picked up in a bar. I hope you let her down kindly and gently and I am happy that she will soon be free of you.

Now if you are separating from her because you are getting cold feet...that is a different story. Then I would suggest you examine your reasoning behind such a decision. There are not a lot of people who would invest 2 years of communications...this says a lot about a person's character especially in today's world where people are as constant as the wind.
I think that was pretty harsh. What does he owe her that she doesn't owe him?
They've been emailing and such. Not dating. Not spending time together. Not spending or investing money and plane tickets or anything of tangible value (other than the phone bill if it exists).
While I think he SHOULD let her down gently, I also strongly feel that he's under no obligation to continue something with no practicable value to him-especially out of GUILT from his cultural upbringing or you.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #9  August 28,2009, 4:28pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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boccabum wrote :
I think that was pretty harsh. What does he owe her that she doesn't owe him?
They've been emailing and such. Not dating. Not spending time together. Not spending or investing money and plane tickets or anything of tangible value (other than the phone bill if it exists).
While I think he SHOULD let her down gently, I also strongly feel that he's under no obligation to continue something with no practicable value to him-especially out of GUILT from his cultural upbringing or you.
Uh, boccabum, what's with the attack here? All PR_Princess did was state her opinion, just as you, me, and everyone else does here on the boards. We aren't always going to agree with everything everyone else says, but personal attacks against her for her views because you don't agree with them really aren't cool. I think that was pretty harsh.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #10  August 28,2009, 4:47pm
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boccabum wrote :
I'm not sure why you titled this thread "minority dating"? Oh well.
But I just wonder. Why would anyone who hasn't met you in person claim they love you and really believe it. And more importantly, why would you believe it?
I am VERY skeptical that a relationship between two people who've never physically met can actually work out. It usually doesn't. I don't care what cultural things are in play here! The fact is, you have NO IDEA what real physical chemistry you two have.
Attraction and lust is a MAJOR component in "love". There is documented evidence that 2 people with opposite body chemistry tend to attract and that the wrong combination of scent, looks, and other things can make attraction impossible.
That's why MOST LDRs don't succeed.
Don't dump her but for your own sake, make no commitment, promise, self-imposed feelings or any other emotional investment until you actually meet and spend time with this girl!
My thoughts exactly...I thought this would be another one of those threads akin to the height and weight threads about dating someone of a different ethnicity..and was in my corner practicing lots of 'eye-rolling'...(lol).

Anyhoo....great advice!
 
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