AJ789 is offline AJ789 Post #1  August 27,2009, 7:43pm
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I have recently come to suspect that my wife of was having an affair with the husband of a couple who have been friends with us for many years.

I had suspisions based pretty much on her mood and disposition that something had radically changed for her .
After checking her phone records and after being able to intercept it was pretty obvious who the new object of her affections was.

I was not able to get her to admit anything when I confonted her.

All she was willing to to was agree that our relationship
was at an all time low and that if we wanted to rescue it we needed to start being honest and open from that point on .

I feel that 6 weeks on a she is becoming more open and we a staring to slowly but surely chip away at resolving things . In days when she works , she will tell me about demeaning things said to her by co-workers that and how it makes her feel . That was something she never did before and quite frankly i may not have been interested or bothered in hearing

In the long term i feel that she to be fully open about what happened and more importantly why so for things to truly heal .

I feel a degree of frustration about this but I also recoignise that she has lot she has to work through on on her own and she needs to time to do this .It took 20 years to get to this point she deserves some time to sort out her end


On part i have to continue to confront my issues that contributed to the deterioration of things that helped create a atmosphere where this possiblely could have happened .

As i sensed this well before I started finding evidence , I am sure this is the first and only time it has ever happened. If you wait 20 years to do this it certainly doesnt mark as a serial offender

As for my friend , that is much harder .
I am sure she would have passed on to him that copies of email trails that indicate somthing is going on

It appeard from day 1 he used a second mobile phone to contact and text her rather than his normal one. it seems to me that if you are doing something that devious you are not a novice , but a serial offender .
He is the type that travels a lot , does wear a wedding ring because " they are uncomfortable" .
In that case i am pretty sure this fling is more trouble to him that what it is worth and he has moved on.

I still see him around as he mixes in the same social circle , there is an uneasy knowing look when we make eye contact with each other . I think about confronting him but i just see much point , he would only deny it and if you dont have irrefutable proof its pointless anyway .

in any case it is about my wife and I , he was just the catalyst .
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  August 27,2009, 8:03pm
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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My sense is that you wanted a chance to tell your story here and aren't looking for any particular advice.

Many couples do recover from this kind of infidelity (if that is indeed what happened) by doing just what you are doing -- focusing on rebuilding the relationship (you may also want to consider working with a marriage therapist...).

I'm sorry for the pain you're experiencing and wish you and your wife luck in getting through this difficult period in your marriage.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  August 27,2009, 8:04pm
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You have probably assessed the situation correctly, and you are dealing with it in a mature and responsible manner. This is to be commended, no matter how the situation ends. Many others would be pointing fingers, casting blame, and not recognizing their role in how the relationship go to this point.

You are right about the "other guy," too. The real issue is between you and your wife, and he is just the catalyst, not the cause, of the issues coming to light.

I don't see you asking for advice, so I will just send you good wishes for growth and healing at this time in your relationship.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #4  August 27,2009, 10:09pm

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Yes I can see that you're the man in charge so much so the your very condescending and a bully.Why is it all about you and not us? The big question is why, not that it matters at this stage because, if your state offers no fault divorce you guys are history. Why are you on the boards and what are you looking for? Unless the both of you get some professional help individually and as a couple nothing will change except they will be smarter at avoiding having you catching them. One tip off is your wife's fighting with her co workers, what are they fighting with her about and why? You can probably pick up a half of a dozen things that have changed in her behavior. You could hire a P.I. to bug the phones and follow her or him and then furnish his wife with photo's and a copy of his written report or you can do nothing like your doing now. Good luck.

Harvey7.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #5  August 27,2009, 11:51pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You have probably assessed the situation correctly, and you are dealing with it in a mature and responsible manner. This is to be commended, no matter how the situation ends. Many others would be pointing fingers, casting blame, and not recognizing their role in how the relationship go to this point.

You are right about the "other guy," too. The real issue is between you and your wife, and he is just the catalyst, not the cause, of the issues coming to light.

I don't see you asking for advice, so I will just send you good wishes for growth and healing at this time in your relationship.
seems so to me too.

the business of having a life partner isn't monitoring and judging our partner's relationship performance with regard to ourselves. it's witnessing each other's lives. esp. when mistakes are made.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  August 28,2009, 6:55am
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Just what you want to be...you will be in the end

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You might want to get you and your wife in for professional help, but, as a previous poster said, it doesn't sound like you're looking for advice, but just to vent.
I wish you both luck...you've got a long road ahead.
 
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