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meri75 meri75 is online now
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[quote=TrueStory;722600] **snipped**

Because, often I see the "monogamous" partners having a "thing on the side" while lying to each other. So makes me wonder, does it really work?

quote]

Can you see, though, that the example you listed here isn't monogamy?

My understanding (and quite limited I admit), is that polygamy applies to marriage in some cultures or religions. (I am not quite sure). It seems to be allowing men to have more than one wife, but not allowing women to have more than one husband. Is that correct?
- August 31st, 2009, 02:45 pm
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JDavid JDavid is offline
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Let's try to clarify some terminology with the assistance of Merriam Webster Dictionary.

1) Polyamory: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time

Note: polyamory does NOT require or connote that marriage is involved

If marriage IS involved, secular or sectarian, and there are multiple mates the term becomes polygamy (the general term)


2) Polygamy: marriage in which a spouse of either sex has more than one mate at the same time

Note: subsets of polygamy are polygyny and polyandry (depending on which gender is multiple)

3) Polygyny: the state or practice of having more than one wife or female mate at one time

4) Polyandry: the state or practice of having more than one husband or male mate at one time
Last edited by JDavid; September 6th, 2009 at 06:17 pm. Reason: Change color
- September 6th, 2009, 06:06 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Well, here’s a post to offend … drawn from memory, so I hope this is all correct:

A majority of the world’s population lives in a culture which accepts marital forms other than the one-spouse western norm. (This does not mean a majority of people, note.)

In fact, women wish to be part of a multiple-wife household, because these men have more money. This holds true whether the specific culture suppresses women or not.

These women experience more children who survive childhood (which logically explains the arrangement, and why women desire it.)
- September 6th, 2009, 06:34 pm
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JDavid JDavid is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, here’s a post to offend … drawn from memory, so I hope this is all correct:

A majority of the world’s population lives in a culture which accepts marital forms other than the one-spouse western norm. (This does not mean a majority of people, note.)
There is no reason anyone should be offended. There is documentary support for this position:

wrote :
While having more than one spouse is illegal in the United States, polygyny (one husband with two or more wives at the same time) is the preferred form of marriage throughout most of the world. Seventy-five percent of the world's societies prefer this type of marriage (Saxton 1993). Preference, however, does not necessarily translate into practice, because the number of men and women of marriageable age in most cultures is about the same, meaning that there are rarely more than a few extra women available as second or third wives. Thus, even when polygyny is preferred, there are only a few men, mostly wealthy ones, who have more than one wife at a time (Broude 1994).
Definition of Marriage - Types Of Marriage
D_Lion wrote :
In fact, women wish to be part of a multiple-wife household, because these men have more money. This holds true whether the specific culture suppresses women or not.
This is also supported by the above. However, as practiced in the US by the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints (FLDS -- of Eldorado, Texas / Warren Jeffs fame – Google the terms if unfamiliar), women accept their plight because they are born and raised in cult indoctrination – not because they gain status or wealth. Young girls are TOLD who to marry by church officials.

D_Lion wrote :
These women experience more children who survive childhood (which logically explains the arrangement, and why women desire it.)
Again, there may be support for this in some or many cultures, but apparently not in US polygamy.
Last edited by JDavid; September 6th, 2009 at 08:22 pm.
- September 6th, 2009, 08:19 pm
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BikerBeagle BikerBeagle is offline
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My philosophy on Polygamy: To each his own, but I'm selfish and don't share.
- September 6th, 2009, 09:06 pm
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Thaliana1981 Thaliana1981 is offline
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I've considered weighing in on this topic for some time before actually doing it.

My most recent relationship was a polyamorous one. I lived, full-time, with a married couple. I loved them both dearly and equally, but it became apparent that I was not ready for the instant family that came along with it (they have a child). If I chose to go back, they would welcome me with open arms, no questions asked.

They have been married fourteen years, and I was not their first girlfriend. It is the way they choose to live their life, and I am all for it.

I loved being a part of it. I went on one-on-one dates with each of them, or all three of us would go out. It was a great experience for me, and I wouldn't change it for the world. It was just time to move on. I need something solid, with someone closer to my own age, and I can't be the secondary woman. I would have no problem being in another polyamorous relationship, but there couldn't be any children in the household, and the relationship between me and one of the other partners, either one, would have to be solidly established before the third joined us.

I know it isn't for everyone, but I have no problem with my partner sleeping with someone else, as long as I know about it in advance. Strange, maybe, but it works for me. I, of course, wouldn't sleep with anyone else unless my partner were okay with it, and from the MH/CS I've been reading, few men are.

Anyway, there's a bit different outlook on it for you.
- September 6th, 2009, 09:22 pm
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PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
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BikerBeagle wrote :
My philosophy on Polygamy: To each his own, but I'm selfish and don't share.
My thought process exactly...a gentleman was trying to pay a compliment by stating that the food that I had made was so good he was contemplating making me his second wife. Of course as sure as before he took his next breathe I made it known that us PR women are way too jealous for that type of relationship I had wished he had made any number of other quick witted comments than this one. I was also putting the message out there about my position on the subject being that I am older and single.

As JDavid pointed out in regards to the FLDS case...Choice is the real point of argument. Even though we are supposed to have a Wali (male representative...usually a father, uncle, or imam who will be an intermediary- this is due to the fact that especially the untouched/young woman doesn't fully understand the workings of a man's mind and motivation) ultimately it is the woman's choice. Now I know we know of examples where this is not really a choice...especially when considering the family's financial condition or the fact that what 15 yr. old would seriously wish to be a wife of a man who could be her father/grandfather/great grandfather. Just want to make the distinction between culture and Islam itself. Even Muslims themselves cannot at times make the distinction. The rules surrounding a woman who is now widowed are slightly different being that she already has had experience being married to a man.
A friend of mine was trying to arrange a match for me with a person from her community and they really made a point to put me at ease that the people in their culture practice monogamy as the norm. I figured as much without them telling me....usually women who are good cooks in the kitchen and skilled with knives tend to have monogamous relationships
- September 6th, 2009, 09:52 pm
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PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
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Being that I am going to be busy today....posting this one early to add to this subject....

I did know of a woman I went to the university with who ended up choosing to be a second wife. She was a sociology student and African-American so clearly her mind and culture were more open towards this type of relationship. The first wife was in her home country.
Now when I had studied anthropology it seemed that the norm in a polygamist society was usually that the first wife was the one who had the real power in choosing the second, third wife or in the least was chosen as a consult by her husband. This is for the obvious reason that this next wife would be spending considerable amounts of time raising the children mutually and sharing the labor as the men either had other work to do outside the home or just "hung out" with the other men socializing.
As in the case of my university colleague the situation has more to do with the fact that we are a global society and more and more men are seeking educational and economic opportunities outside their home country. This also means extended time away from family and difficulties in acquiring visas and/or raising funds to fly in and out of the country. More often than not I believe this is a difficult decision on all parties. Wife #1 doesn't want to infringe on husband's right to another wife and risk divorce (with all the consequences that follow) and also doesn't want her husband to live a life outside of Islamic law (having sex or multiple partners outside of marriage) and lastly suffering the effects of solitude living in a place where they may not have any family or friend networks established.
I have since lost contact with this woman but I remember her gregarious personality and love of life...if anyone can be successful at being a second wife it would be her and not because she took up a position of being a second fiddle.
I was raised in another school of thought...where my husband goes, I go (or vise versa) You can be sure I am upfront about this one...and probably one of the many reasons you will see me lurking about for quite a bit on these boards
- September 7th, 2009, 06:43 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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PR_Princess wrote :
This is for the obvious reason that this next wife would be spending considerable amounts of time raising the children mutually and sharing the labor as the men either had other work to do outside the home or just "hung out" with the other men socializing.

This is along the lines of what I read: which is that the more robust extended support network was helping the children survive.
- September 7th, 2009, 10:26 am
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PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
This is along the lines of what I read: which is that the more robust extended support network was helping the children survive.
Not only that..I remember viewing a film where the woman was left to refortify the hut with mud so that the rains would not come in all the while the men and her husband were yucking it up and making a homemade fermented beverage and imbibing the afternoon away at a friends hut. I'm ready for your comments on this one....
- September 7th, 2009, 09:31 pm
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