he forgot where we met... do I dump him?


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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #1  August 26,2009, 7:07pm
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I think had we met randomly through friends or some recurring social, that would be fine.

But we met online eight months ago and he's forgotten exactly where we met. Since he picked the date, place AND time that is convenient for him -- he should at least remember one of those facts. We met at a very unique coffee shop near his home, and now months later he keeps insisting that we met at Starbucks. Also, our first in-person meeting had so many unforgettable references to the specific cafe, right after he came back from a certain out-of-town trip over the holidays ... it's like forgetting what you were doing on 9/11. Implausible!

I'm not trying to hold grudges, but I honestly believe that a) he was dating so many girls concurrently over the winter that he got us mixed up and b) if a guy wasn't into you from first impressions it just doesn't get better.

Sorry to start a new thread, but this is a big enough red flag (among others) to dump the guy. Thoughts?
 
 
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #2  August 26,2009, 7:38pm
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I think you should cut him some slack. As women, we all want to think that the very first time he sees us, he falls in love and it's like a Hollywood moment. Generally speaking (I know I'm generalizing so don't kill me!), I don't think these things are necessarily as important to most men.

Also, maybe he was meeting other women besides you at that time. The point is that 8 months later, you're the one he's with. He picked you, just like you picked him, from among however other many choices there were! How great is that!

My 1st date with my bf was the day after Valentine's Day. (Not intentionally--it just happened that way.) He knows that it was sometime in February and he pretty much remembers what we did. He doesn't remember that it was a double date with my best friend, who lived downstairs from him at the time, and her bf. It's amazing to me that he doesn't remember that, but I have decided to think that he was so blown away by me that he forgot the date, the restaurant, and even our companions. LOL

If the other parts of your relationship are good, I think this is probably not that big a deal.
 
 
CRKid321 is offline CRKid321 Post #3  August 26,2009, 7:42pm

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Are you currently in an exclusive relationship with him at the time? Were you guys exclusive once you started dating (the time that he may have gotten so "caught up" with all the other girls)? If you answered yes to the first and no to the second.....then i just have to ask you, is this really that important?

Because personally, even though i do remember my first dates with woman that have turned into relationships...is it that just darn important? What's more important is how they treat you, how they act towards you, if they respect you. Actions not words.

That's just my personal opinion, but i wouldn't see this as a red flag if he still treats you like a gentleman and acts like it as a whole...
 
 
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  August 26,2009, 8:04pm
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i wouldnt hold it against him. some guys remember this kind of stuff better than others.
 
 
DeBrown is offline DeBrown Post #5  August 26,2009, 8:08pm
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I don't see this as a red flag at all! He may have been dating more than one person, but it was a first date, you were not in a relationship, and so he had every right to be seeing more than one person at that stage of the game.

Also, these kinds of details are more important to some people than others. My mom and dad have been married 51 years, and my dad still calls me every year to find out what their anniversary date is! He is a great, loving, kind man and a wonderful husband to my mom, but he just doesn't have a head for details!

I think it would be a mistake for you to dump him over something that trivial. On the other hand, if you are really going to be upset over things like this, like later if he doesn't remember what he gave you on your first Valentine's day together, or whatever-- if that is going to be a big deal to you, then maybe you should find a man who is good at remembering those kinds of things.

I hope this advice is helpful to you!
 
 
neardc is offline neardc Post #6  August 26,2009, 8:20pm
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Oh, for goodness sake...lol. It's not like he knew when he met you that you would end up being so important to him and so he went home and wrote about it in his diary. Give the guy a break.

You can't seriously be thinking of breaking up with him over this, are you? How does he actually treat you? Is he a loving and caring man? Compared to that, this just seems so incredibly trivial...

Why in the world are you spending time obsessing and arguing about this, anyway? Are you just trying to be "right"? Does it represent some other failing in him or the relationship that concerns you? Because it just doesn't seem possible that it can actually be the fact that he doesn't have the same memory for detail that you do...

(And seriously, unless meeting you was the biggest disaster and tragedy of his life, forgetting the details is not like forgetting what you were doing on 9/11...)
 
 
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #7  August 26,2009, 9:01pm
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Before my second marriage, my husband told me to make it on the first of a month so he could remember! I'm the only person I know to be married on a Thursday, instead of a weekend...

I will say, though, he never forgot the year we married. For some reason, I have to look at the dates engraved in our rings to get that right.

I can remember every detail of our first date, even down to the "ugly shirt" he was wearing. I doubt he could tell you what I had on. We could walk down a busy city sidewalk together; I would largely be oblivious to people around me, while he would be very aware of each and every person, and whether they would present a potential threat or obstacle.

It's your job as the nurturer to remember the first date. It's his job as the protector to run interference for you.
 
 
Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #8  August 26,2009, 10:14pm
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If he's a good guy and has many of the attributes that you're looking for, then I wouldn't dump him. It seems like a pretty minor reason to dump a guy (unless remembering these details is important to you; if it is, then maybe going with your heart and dumping the guy may be best). I have forgotten where I met some people in the past, but it's not because I was dating so many people that it was tough to keep track....some of us forget, too

And, if indeed this guy was dating too many people to remember the details, why does this matter? He had a right to date as many people as he wanted if he wasn't in a relationship with you (or anyone else).

He obviously chose to be in a relationship with you for a reason. Focus on that. Trust that he cares about you and cut him some slack...

...Best wishes
 
 
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #9  August 26,2009, 10:28pm
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why would a guy care what coffee shop he met you at? the important thing was meeting and remembering you.
Last edited by lil_lamb; August 26,2009 at 10:41pm.
 
 
Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #10  August 27,2009, 12:04am
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He's a guy...don't hold it against him.
 
 
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