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dnnmllr dnnmllr is offline
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dnnmllr "Steady my feet in accord with your promise, Let not iniquity lead me"...

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dietpepsi wrote :
I think had we met randomly through friends or some recurring social, that would be fine.

But we met online eight months ago and he's forgotten exactly where we met. Since he picked the date, place AND time that is convenient for him -- he should at least remember one of those facts. We met at a very unique coffee shop near his home, and now months later he keeps insisting that we met at Starbucks. Also, our first in-person meeting had so many unforgettable references to the specific cafe, right after he came back from a certain out-of-town trip over the holidays ... it's like forgetting what you were doing on 9/11. Implausible!

I'm not trying to hold grudges, but I honestly believe that a) he was dating so many girls concurrently over the winter that he got us mixed up and b) if a guy wasn't into you from first impressions it just doesn't get better.

Sorry to start a new thread, but this is a big enough red flag (among others) to dump the guy. Thoughts?

.....do what you are comfortable with doing.....

I wish you well.
- August 27th, 2009, 05:37 pm
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TiffanyDiamond TiffanyDiamond is offline
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[quote=dietpepsi;722308]Married men tell me that they remember exactly where they met their wives.

How many of them had to be reminded???

Again, I'm not expecting him to remember all the little details ...

In my experience some men are just not into all the little details as much as women are. I met my now ex-husband 27 years ago and I can tell you today exactly what we were both wearing, how I wore my hair, where we had our first date, all that stuff. I'm willing to bet that by the time we got married he wouldn't have been able to give many details and frankly I never really thought about it. Small stuff and in the grand scheme of things - not really important at all.

But after eight months we're still trying to figure things out. It's moving horrifically slow.
.
It kinda sounds like that's what really has you frustrated - the eight months of things going "horrifically slow."

It's not a comfortable feeling and I'm just trying to figure things out without wasting chronological time.

If you are ready for whatever answer you might get I guess you can ask him where things stand between the two of you. If you are not ready for whatever he might say and he is treating you well and you are having fun I would hold off on that conversation. It's only been eight months. I personally don't think that's excessively long.
- August 27th, 2009, 06:25 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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You are basically a Drama Queen and this post is a continuation of your post " "forcing him to have the dreaded talk".......................

Do you recall your last words? So I just learned that he doesn't recall when and where we met. Has some of the facts mixed up, like which coffee shop and was off on how long ago we met by a couple of months!

He's very intelligent, which leads me to think that he's just not into me.

So that's that.
If that's that, why are you back again crying over spilled milk?
Drama Queen that's why he dumped you.
Get over it.
Harvey7.
- August 27th, 2009, 06:54 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is online now
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dietpepsi wrote :
But after eight months we're still trying to figure things out. It's moving horrifically slow. I get this nagging feeling that he's just not into me, that even now I'm just one of the many girls ... as I was when we first met then ... or that he'd drop me in a heartbeat once Ms Right shows up in his life.

It's not a comfortable feeling and I'm just trying to figure things out without wasting chronological time.
dietpepsi wrote :

Let's be clear that it takes a lot of guts to post on these forums, and that I was surprised by some of the replies when all I'm looking for is a balanced view.
Eight months is too long to be feeling insecure. Eight months is too long to be feeling uncomfortable. A person should know where they stand after eight months. That is my view, balanced or not.

It may take guts to post here. But it takes far more guts to objectively consider an opinion not one's own. Again, that is my view, balanced or not.

We have no horse in this race. It won't be our problem if you ignore our advice and continue on with this guy until Ms Right shows up. Maybe if you continue on long enough, you'll turn into Ms Right. Either way, it's your life, and you're the one living it.

We're just doing the best we can here, with the info you give us. Perhaps if you viewed the situation as happening to your very best friend...What advice would you give?
- August 27th, 2009, 08:56 pm
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dietpepsi dietpepsi is offline
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Thanks for all the responses.

No one's been dumped yet.

Consider this thread closed.
- August 27th, 2009, 09:09 pm
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Not all men (or women for that matter) are detailed oriented. In fact, many times the women will remember every little detail and the man will have trouble remembering his partner's birthday. Of course, I have seen it be the opposite too, with the woman being the one who is not detail oriented and have a poor memory.

It may be a red flag, but that does not mean it is a deal breaker. If you had a dozen or so other red flags, then this might count towards your collection of red flags, but dumping him for a bad memory. Now that is a bit superficial, if not downright mean.

dietpepsi wrote :
I think had we met randomly through friends or some recurring social, that would be fine.

But we met online eight months ago and he's forgotten exactly where we met. Since he picked the date, place AND time that is convenient for him -- he should at least remember one of those facts. We met at a very unique coffee shop near his home, and now months later he keeps insisting that we met at Starbucks. Also, our first in-person meeting had so many unforgettable references to the specific cafe, right after he came back from a certain out-of-town trip over the holidays ... it's like forgetting what you were doing on 9/11. Implausible!

I'm not trying to hold grudges, but I honestly believe that a) he was dating so many girls concurrently over the winter that he got us mixed up and b) if a guy wasn't into you from first impressions it just doesn't get better.

Sorry to start a new thread, but this is a big enough red flag (among others) to dump the guy. Thoughts?
- August 27th, 2009, 09:28 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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dietpepsi wrote :
I'm not trying to hold grudges, but I honestly believe that a) he was dating so many girls concurrently over the winter that he got us mixed up and b) if a guy wasn't into you from first impressions it just doesn't get better.
I wouldn't be surprised if a) is correct. I guess you'll either get over this or dump him. To be honest, I wouldn't be with a woman who created dramas over things like what I don't remember from our past.
- August 27th, 2009, 09:45 pm
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neardc neardc is offline
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Closing the thread per the OP's request. Thanks for the responses, all!

(OP - If you wish to reopen it, just let me, a moderator, or one of the other CLs know....)
- August 27th, 2009, 09:55 pm
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