CRKid321 is offline CRKid321 Post #1  August 25,2009, 10:12pm

is in a good place :)

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At what age did you start to think about your own qualities, the type of person you are and the type of partner that would be compatible with you?

I recently finished my junior year in highschool, and at the end of may a relationship i had been for four-five months had ended. It was my first serious relationship, and in hindsight i was completely unprepared for it. I rushed it emotionally, i had extreme rose-colored glasses on constantly and i sacrificed my own happiness for hopes of a better future. I was a complete noob in the fact of how i handled myself in the relationship. Was head over heels in love and couldn't control it. I'm the type of person that wants and likes affection, both public and private. She's not comfortable with public affection in general, but i still couldn't control myself and still was excessive publicly.

She is not a communicative person, she has trouble relaying her thoughts, problems, emotions, feelings into words and expressing them and more trouble not in the sense that she isn't capable, but that she isn't comfortable with it. It constantly was a barrier between us. I could continue writing an essay about my relationship, but that isn't the point that i was trying to make. This relationship got me thinking in what qualities i have, what i bring to the table in a relationship and what types of people would make good fits. I've personally realized that i need a person who is open, trusting, honest, has a strong value system that they stand behind, open-minded, faithful and mature (mature in knowing what she wants, knowing what it takes for a relationship to succeed and a plethora of other things connected with maturity).

From my past experience from this relationship, along with my plethora of reading relationship boards (especially Eharmony!) I've learned more and more everyday of what it takes to make a relationship works and it gladdens me because i realized i have most of the qualities needed. Commitment, compassion, openness, trust, dedication to the relationship (connected with commitment, if not the same thing) and being able to love people (to bring out the best in them, to put their needs in front of yours, to be there for them, to want only the best for them, etc.)

What i was wondering and was hoping to get everyone's opinion on was when was it that you started to deeply look at yourself and to recognize the type of person you are and the type of person you could be compatible with? I feel like im doing this a little early...but considering how many failed marriages there are...it seems like a good thing to do for myself.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #2  August 26,2009, 12:32am
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Wow...very mature post for someone your age. Being introspective is very important before getting involved with someone else. Rather than looking for someone to "complete" you become more complete by yourself. Ask friends what you could change to become a better person and work on that.

There was an interesting study done a few years ago with dogs (I trained dogs for five years). They gave half the people dogs based on compatibility tests their perfect match and the other half got to choose their dogs based on attraction. At the end of the study the half that had chosen the dogs based on attraction had kept the most dogs. The conclusion was that people who got their dogs based on attraction were able to overlook the faults in their dogs better than the ones that had gotten the compatible dogs. This most likely carries over to human relationships as well.
 
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CRKid321 is offline CRKid321 Post #3  August 26,2009, 8:14pm

is in a good place :)

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Avalon1k wrote :
Wow...very mature post for someone your age. Being introspective is very important before getting involved with someone else. Rather than looking for someone to "complete" you become more complete by yourself. Ask friends what you could change to become a better person and work on that.

There was an interesting study done a few years ago with dogs (I trained dogs for five years). They gave half the people dogs based on compatibility tests their perfect match and the other half got to choose their dogs based on attraction. At the end of the study the half that had chosen the dogs based on attraction had kept the most dogs. The conclusion was that people who got their dogs based on attraction were able to overlook the faults in their dogs better than the ones that had gotten the compatible dogs. This most likely carries over to human relationships as well.
Did i come across that i wanted someone to "complete me"? Perhaps i did actually...hmmm. I don't want someone to complete me, i already want to be complete before i meet someone. And to be honest with you, these past few months have done tremendous things in achieving that goal. I feel as if I am as complete as I have ever been in my life, I feel like i have my head fully on my shoulders.

When I meet someone and perhaps start a relationship with them, I want them to be whole. I don't want someone with so much baggage, that they constantly are miserable and I don't want someone who feels that they need me in order to be "complete". I want a person who already has inner peace, who is already happy. The relationship i want is a deeper one, one where we will both grow as people and as partners. I want it to be nurturing, meaningful and going somewhere.

I 100% agree with you in regards to the dog anecdote, people are much more willing to overlook flaws and glaring faults if they are attracted to a person (as i clearly did in my last relationship, lesson learned). Hopefully the next person whom I'm attracted to and do have a relationship with will not be a person who has more bad than good. We are not perfect people, I do not want perfection. I want a genuine human being that has a lot to offer, as I do. Just some thoughts that have been buzzing around my head the past few months, they've been helping me grow into a healthier, maturer and more complete person overall .
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  August 27,2009, 6:43am
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I didn't learn many of the lessons you learned until I was over 30. You've got a good head start.

You will go far, young padawan.
 
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