queryquest is offline queryquest Post #1  August 25,2009, 3:57pm
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is at home.

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Another family visit came to a screeching halt after our son and DIL argued with each other, then left our house in a huff without even a good bye to us, his parents. It doesn't matter if we are in their home or ours and they have even "started up" in a restaurant with extended family present. They apologize, after the fact. But my patience and everyone else's has run out, with their rude and inconsiderate behavior. When the usual apology call came this time, I was less than accommodating and was called critical and judgemental. They have been married for nearly 2 years and are old enough to know better. We have not spoken with each other for several weeks because I feel they are not being repectful and we should not be forced to endure such displays of immaturity. Please, please advise-
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 25,2009, 4:03pm
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I would simply stop including them in family functions until they both learn to be considerate, keep it to themselves, or divorce. Eventually, one of these three things is going to happen. Can you guess which one?
 
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queryquest is offline queryquest Post #3  August 25,2009, 4:29pm
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is at home.

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Meant to give you more than one star- it's my first post. Thanx for the reply...it's good ol' common sense, really
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  August 25,2009, 4:55pm
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.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

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Having divorced a husband years ago without ever once arguing with him in public anywhere (let alone in front of family) I can't even imagine what you are going through, worrying for your son.

The only real choice you have is either don't have so many family gatherings, or don't include the unhappy couple. I don't imagine either one is something you'd relish.

I don't really have any advice to offer, but I do feel for you, for what it's worth.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  August 25,2009, 9:01pm
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Ahhh... the young ones sound quite young (or immature, anyway) and lacking in conflict resolution skills. The good news, though, is that those are skills that in large part could be learned.

I can't imagine that these episodes are enjoyable for them, either, but they do get attention, so there may be some related underlying motivations about which they are not even aware...

It really sounds like they just don't have some of the skills and tools that they need to control their own behavior. If you think that your son might be receptive, you could think about having an adult-to-adult talk with him -- not to criticize him for his behavior, but to help him understand that there are other options for dealing with stress and conflict and that, if he and his bride work on it, they can build a stronger and happier marriage that works better for them both. Let him know that they should be able to access this kind of marriage counseling through their health insurance.

Reassure him, too, that they are both very welcome at family events, but that this behavior is not (from him or anyone else) and will no longer be tolerated.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  August 25,2009, 10:02pm

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I believe Neardc, said it very well with regard to conflict resolution. The next step would be to treat them to five or six therapy session for couples counseling, they will continue it on their own or they will go their separate ways.

The lack of self control is a learned behavior as is the lack of respect for their friends and family and for themselves, so where do you think that they learned the behavior from?

You also have the option of banning one or both from your home, or setting up a ring in the backyard for them to fight it out. The last one might be to set up a video camera and tape them fighting, to show them that they are making jerks of themselves, but they might enjoy the attention?

Harvey7.
 
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metamucilmuffin is offline metamucilmuffin Post #7  August 26,2009, 1:23pm
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Totally agree with boccabum. If ever you do invite them back, be prepared to throw them out at the first sign of trouble. If these self-indulgent drama queens want to act like children, they should be treated as such. Your get-togethers should not suffer as a result of their immaturity.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  August 26,2009, 2:17pm
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What a horribly uncomfortable situation for you to be experiencing!

I think you were called critical and judgemental because whoever made that comment to you, knows his/her behaviour was appalling.

I keep finding that people seem to think that an apology means all over red rover. The consequences remain.
 
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