flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #1  August 25,2009, 5:28am
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Background: My family is unusually forthright and abrasive. Even outsiders see this. I am usually in a state of offense at some liberty or potshot they've taken, so the prevailing belief among them is that I'm overly sensitive.

Post: Last week or so I attended a family dinner with about ten guests. One recently married couple was there; the husband is substantially larger than his wife. I'd describe him as the muscular/stocky/husky type...but some might call him chunky. His wife OTH is shapely/petite. OK. At the end of the meal, I hauled out a few pints of ice cream I brought and encouraged all to dig in. The husband says to his wife in front of everyone, "You don't need that ice cream." He said this like three times.

Later, I asked my father why the husband behaved like that, especially in front of everyone, and my father thought nothing of it, saying that of course I would take the episode as an insult because I'm overly sensitive.

What do you guys think? Do you men say these types of things to your SO in public?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  August 25,2009, 5:55am
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In my experience this type of behavior is rare and I personally find it pretty appalling. However, it is not up to me to judge the dynamics of an individual relationship. If she married him, she may be more like your father and not really care or take it personally or even really actually hear it. Whatever works for them, works for them. Personally, I would never do that to my partner and would expect the same courtesy from him. Again, it's an individual relationship dynamic thing.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #3  August 25,2009, 7:01am
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DancingFool wrote :
In my experience this type of behavior is rare and I personally find it pretty appalling. However, it is not up to me to judge the dynamics of an individual relationship. If she married him, she may be more like your father and not really care or take it personally or even really actually hear it. Whatever works for them, works for them. Personally, I would never do that to my partner and would expect the same courtesy from him. Again, it's an individual relationship dynamic thing.
Agreed.

I don't like it, because I'm a private kind of person who doesn't want my business announced in public. But there are obviously people who feel differently.

You shouldn't marry a man who would do that to you, because you wouldn't like it and if it's part of his personality then he will keep doing it.

It is important for you to know, however, that your personal distaste is not because you are 'oversensitive.' You are who you are, and you deserve someone who respects that.
Anyone who shrugs off your protests as 'oversensitive' is demonstrating that they are insensitive, and that shouldn't make you think any less of yourself.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  August 25,2009, 7:03am
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Unless you know this couple well, I don't think you should take it at face value.

I will do that to my girlfriend BECAUSE she has asked me to. She knows that if i don't regulate her, she will go nuts on dessert and she's been doing very well on weight watchers. If you were an outsider, you would not even know that my girlfriend and I have made that agreement and would assume something that may or may not be appropriate.

Here's another situation you may not be aware of. Perhaps the wife is lactose intolerant, but is totally weak when it comes to ice cream. The husband COULD be preventing her from suffering later on.

Of course, the tone of the chastising may also come into play. I am usually very playful about it and if my girlfriend decides to gorge herself on dessert despite my warnings, I will not give it a second thought, nor will I give her grief on it later. I do not believe my tone will ever come out as "chastising"
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #5  August 25,2009, 8:19am

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Life is too short to worry about what losers have to say about me.
 
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churumbeque is offline churumbeque Post #6  August 25,2009, 11:16am
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If my SO told me not to eat it I might have to have an extra serving.
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #7  August 25,2009, 2:37pm
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Dafearon wrote :
Unless you know this couple well, I don't think you should take it at face value.

I will do that to my girlfriend BECAUSE she has asked me to. She knows that if i don't regulate her, she will go nuts on dessert and she's been doing very well on weight watchers. If you were an outsider, you would not even know that my girlfriend and I have made that agreement and would assume something that may or may not be appropriate.
Wow! It never occurred to me that they may have had an arrangement. I don't know if that was the case here as she looked a bit self-conscious during his admonishments. However, I'll remember to keep in mind that people might have a game plan that's not obvious to an outsider.
 
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metamucilmuffin is offline metamucilmuffin Post #8  August 26,2009, 12:10pm
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I would have just said at the table, "Oh, please... she has such a lovely figure. What does she have to worry about?" Give her a little ego boost, and if that opens up a conversation about some arrangement... all the better. If not, no harm done. It's not butting in since his comment was said out loud at your dinner table.
 
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