How do you know when to end a friendship?


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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #11  August 26,2009, 8:25am
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This isn't a friendship. After reading about your situation it sounds as if this man tied you up emotionally. He pulled you in under false pretenses, then tells you he is in a relationship. He has used you for money and more and when it hasn't fit HIS needs he blames it on you. He is so full of himself. None of his imperfections are his fault. He projected everything onto you. I would end all contact now. Protect yourself, you sound like a good person and you don't need a parasite like him in your life ever!
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #12  August 26,2009, 8:28am
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Is it possible that you became friends with him in hopes he would leave his girlfriend and be with you?

What i seem to get is that you tried to give him every reason to hang out with you and tore down every obstacle for him so he could hang out with you. That's going a little above and beyond the call of duty.

Sex occurred when the opportunity arose and you weren't happy. Is it possible that you set this up as a fantasy in your head, and when the fantasy didn't match the reality, you were disappointed?

I'm not saying his actions were justifiable. I'm just saying that at this point, there maybe enough blame to go around and you should cut your losses and go on your merry way. You don't need this kind of drama in your life.
 
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cutie5633 is offline cutie5633 Post #13  August 26,2009, 10:58am
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Dafearon wrote :
Is it possible that you became friends with him in hopes he would leave his girlfriend and be with you?

What i seem to get is that you tried to give him every reason to hang out with you and tore down every obstacle for him so he could hang out with you. That's going a little above and beyond the call of duty.

Sex occurred when the opportunity arose and you weren't happy. Is it possible that you set this up as a fantasy in your head, and when the fantasy didn't match the reality, you were disappointed?

I'm not saying his actions were justifiable. I'm just saying that at this point, there maybe enough blame to go around and you should cut your losses and go on your merry way. You don't need this kind of drama in your life.


Now I had to think about this one for a minute.... and I would have to say that you may be somewhat correct. At one point I did want him to be more than a friend... and some times I have a tendency to get attached once I am emotionally involved, Im trying to work on it, but I think I tend to confuse caring for someone in a healthy way with caring way too much for someone with problems and thinking I could somehow see a future with them....which i know is totally nutts, I know these men arent ready for a relationship because of all their baggage that they tell me about. He asked me many times the last time I with him... if I was wanting something more and I told him no, because even though that was a bit of a lie....I knew he wasn't available emotionally. I think I percieved him through "rose colored glasses" and didn't see clearly how much of a jerk he really was and that he probably never cared for me...not even as a friend. Then you take a step back and ask yourself... how could I have been so naive to think he was a nice person,and that he actually cared about me? It was hard to do, but after reading all of the responses, I sort of woke up... and faced some hard facts. I ended contact with him.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #14  August 26,2009, 7:06pm
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cutie5633 wrote :
Now I had to think about this one for a minute.... and I would have to say that you may be somewhat correct. At one point I did want him to be more than a friend... and some times I have a tendency to get attached once I am emotionally involved, Im trying to work on it, but I think I tend to confuse caring for someone in a healthy way with caring way too much for someone with problems and thinking I could somehow see a future with them....which i know is totally nutts, I know these men arent ready for a relationship because of all their baggage that they tell me about. He asked me many times the last time I with him... if I was wanting something more and I told him no, because even though that was a bit of a lie....I knew he wasn't available emotionally. I think I percieved him through "rose colored glasses" and didn't see clearly how much of a jerk he really was and that he probably never cared for me...not even as a friend. Then you take a step back and ask yourself... how could I have been so naive to think he was a nice person,and that he actually cared about me? It was hard to do, but after reading all of the responses, I sort of woke up... and faced some hard facts. I ended contact with him.
Good for you. Please don't beat yourself up for this either. He is responsible as you are and he knew exactly what he was doing. Matter of fact he sounds like a pro at it. I think you are not so much naive as you were trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but now that he has proved himself unworthy of your friendship and even your company, know you are doing the right thing. Best wishes.
 
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