Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #1  August 23,2009, 12:11pm
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isn't as easy to see through as you think.

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I recently met a really nice girl who has a lot in common with me. She's interesting and pretty intelligent. We spent several hours one on one and discovered we share a good rapport and my friends agree she is a good natured person.

I like her but she's told me that she's dating another guy and I'm alright with that. Really, she's a good girl, but I'm not interested in pressuring her. I'm more interested in her new job. She works for Katimavik, a young housing program. A really neat program that helps young adults integrate into outside home living. Very interesting to me.

I'd like to be a part of her current work projects and interests though... It's a tough situation. How can I help her and provide support without coming across like I want to compete for her attentions with her other friend? I don't want her to think I'm trying to court her.

I get the feeling that anything I do can be misunderstood as an advance; I'm not saying that she isn't attractive, but I'm more interested in keeping her clearly in the friend zone and not alienating our chances to start a mutual collaboration.

This would be so much easier if she was a guy! Any thoughts on a possible approach I should take? I'm sort of against directly talking about it. I prefer a subtle method.

Thanks in advance.
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #2  August 23,2009, 1:30pm

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IF you're serious about keeping this platonic, then do not respond to any of her flirting cues or innuendos and two, don't post threads like this coz it tells me that you are interested in her more then a friend.
 
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OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #3  August 23,2009, 1:39pm
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If she isn't responsible for running this program just get in touch with the director and express your interests. If the director asks how you found out about it mention your friends name.

If she is responsible then I would explain to her what you said here.

If it's meant to be it will be - the program or the relationship.
 
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Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #4  August 24,2009, 4:38am
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isn't as easy to see through as you think.

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waypoint_finder wrote :
IF you're serious about keeping this platonic, then do not respond to any of her flirting cues or innuendos and two, don't post threads like this coz it tells me that you are interested in her more then a friend.
Never said I wasn't interested in her more than a friend. That's the point. I've gotta keep some control.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #5  August 24,2009, 5:17am
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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If I have this correct, there are three things you would like to accomplish:
1. Not pressure her or make her feel you're making advancing at her at this point/ building a friendship
2. Learning more about her job and getting involved with the work if possible
3. Keeping the option of the two of you becoming more than friends some point later down the road.

Problem two would be the easiest to address likely. Tell her that you find her job interesting (which sounds like you already have) and indicate to her that you would really like to be involved in some way or form. Ask her who you should talk to (if she's not the person who hires) about getting a position/volunteering. If there's nothing available, ask her what other places does similiar jobs and check them out. If you honestly express your interest, I don't think she should have a problem with this at all.

Now, the first problem is kinda tricky when considering that problem number three is looming. So, to tackle #1, keep an open communication. That's the key to any successful relationship of any kind. Try spending time with her in group settings like with friends or going to places where there's plenty of people. Avoid being in romantic settings. Keep conversations light and airy mostly, and show her that you enjoy her company. Do the things that friends would do.

Now, number three comes in. Because you don't want want her to think you've lost interest in her and have her see you only as a "friend", this is going to have to be explained to her. Explain that you're interested but you'll like to start as friends first and se if more develops. Tell her that you're not trying to pressure her and that you enjoy spending time with her. I think she'll appreciate and understand your sincerity.

Good luck
 
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