coolkid2009 is offline coolkid2009 Post #1  August 23,2009, 9:11am
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i hope this makes sense. i edited it for space because i used it on another site with charactor limits. i'm seeking advice from both men and women.
ive been friends with this girl for over 2 years. we are both in our late 20s. I suspect that when we first met, she had an instant crush on me. at the time, she was having very bad marriage problems, divorce was imminemt. I've noticed since we first met (and today) that her attention is primarily focused on me--shes touchy feely towards me, repeats what I say, gives me fashion advice, how I should dress and wear my hair etc. she gets loud around me. she looks to see if I'm listening/watching her. she stands in a way that she knows I can see her. there have been many times when we've been by her computer, were so close that our faces are nearly touching. she's has called me her closest ally. I watch her body language and it seems to be focused on me. we've shared lunch together at work many times, and we've eaten out of the same bowl, and sometimes share the same spoon or fork. I often buy her lunch because I don't want her going hungry-- money is a problem for her even tho her and her husband should be well off because of their salaries. In may, I went on vacation with our friends- our group- (which includes 1 of her closest girl friends). her close girl friend has a boyfriend (my friend and part of our group)- he was there with us. her & her close friend didn't speak much, but her and I texted everyday. She checked my email everyday. I know her passwords 2 her email, MySpace also. last year, I asked her out but she didn't want 2 date a friend again because her marriage started that way. at that time, she was chasing the other guy in our group 4 a hook up. never happened, he's now with her close girl friend in our group. she has 2 kids under the age of 8, and a husband that cheats and treats her very badly at times. she shares a lot about her kids 2 me. she's sent me pics of her dog (who she loves as her child), and other pics about things in her life. I've noticed that when she tells me things that go wrong in our friends' relationship (our group), she's pointing out things that are bad in her marriage, but denies. “He lies to her” “abusive relationship” etc. I've been told that people are most venomous when they see traits that they dispise in themselves. recently, I've noticed that she shut me out of her life. she barely talks to me, or acknowledges me. I asked her what's up, she said she's fine. I asked our mutual friends, they say just let it play out, she has "alot going on." I suspect its marriage problems again. she has a history of this with me- twice before. its the sudden change I don't get. I'm the only one in our group that she tells almost nothing to about her marriage. why? could it be that she does care 4 me- she hides her emotions because she's afraid of me seeing her vulnerable? I asked the other guy in our group. He “didn’t know much.” I told him that if it would def not happen between me & the girl, or if I should leave it alone, its ok 2 tell me because I don't want 2 hurt her. He said he would tell me, but nothing has been said. what's going on?
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #2  August 23,2009, 9:29am
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Why would you ask her out if she's married?

Oh, and let her husband buy her lunch until he's her ex-husband.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  August 23,2009, 9:31am
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Dude, she's married. Aren't there any single gals around you that can screw up your life?

Suggestion: next time, make a shorter post.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #4  August 23,2009, 9:31am
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Dude, she's married. Aren't there any single gals around you that can screw up your life?

Suggestion: next time, make a shorter post.
 
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coolkid2009 is offline coolkid2009 Post #5  August 23,2009, 9:37am
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keep the answers coming, i need them. at the time i asked her out, she was not with her husband, divorce was in process. she went back to him several months later
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #6  August 23,2009, 9:47am
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coolkid2009 wrote :
keep the answers coming, i need them. at the time i asked her out, she was not with her husband, divorce was in process. she went back to him several months later
OK...so now she's with him? Regardless, why do you want to subject yourself to the kind of drama and extreme effort to get close to this woman? Especially when there are probably some SINGLE, available, baggage free women that like you right in front of you.
The amount of effort and thought you put into this woman is astounding to me. You even pay for her lunch? Some other man's wife?
Do yourself a favor and walk away from this and find someone who wants to be with you and who isn't with someone else.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  August 23,2009, 9:48am
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Get this firmly into your head - she is married. Everything else is you reading things into her behavior that do not even exist. You are reading things in because you want her to like you. I doubt that she does. To her you are a pal, a go to guy when things are rough with her marriage (assuming that's even true and she is not merely bored and looking for a mild diversion) and you'll likely stay that way. As for paying for her lunch....can you say sucker? Get away from her and get on with your life and find single women to get attached to. Sorry for being harsh, but consider this a proverbial slap upside the head - you need one.
Last edited by DancingFool; August 23,2009 at 9:50am.
 
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BLESS77 is offline BLESS77 Post #8  August 23,2009, 10:31am
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I am soooooo ready for some FOOTBALL!!!

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You're asking us for advice on how to have an affair with a married woman? Hon, that's absolutely bananas!!!!

But as far as what's going on with her not telling you anything else about her marriage, maybe she has seen the folly of her ways. Maybe something she meant to be totally innocent just getting some advice from a close male friend has been blown out of proportion. And she sees it. She doesn't want to lead you on so she stopped. Maybe that's all there is to it.

Maybe it's just me, but why in the world would you want to eat after/off the same utensils as this woman who is married to another man? That's just nasty.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #9  August 23,2009, 11:07am
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is so in love!!

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Back away from the married girl!!! It doesn't matter, she's with him, not with him - whatever - she is M A R R I E D!! Be her friend if you must but you are asking for serious trouble if you follow the path you want to go. Leave her alone and find someone who is 100% unattached. And even if she finally leaves him - she needs to go through her separation, divorce, whatever - on her own.
 
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coolkid2009 is offline coolkid2009 Post #10  August 23,2009, 11:14am
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thanks everyone for your advice, i appreciate it. i dont want to have an affair with a married woman, im just trying to figure out whats going on with her. shes been close to divorce twice, just didnt sign the papers that she drew up. i dont want to be with her unless shes left her husband for good, im not stupid or like that. i know her situation very well- her problems with her husband are real, they're not made up. im trying to figure out if shes torn about leaving her husband, and if she does have feelings for me. we've been friends for over two years, and i didnt like her like that until last year. i'm not the only one who buys her lunch when she needs it, our friends do too. thanks again.
 
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