boccabum is offline boccabum Post #11  August 23,2009, 11:29am
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 974

See profile

coolkid2009 wrote :
thanks everyone for your advice, i appreciate it. i dont want to have an affair with a married woman, im just trying to figure out whats going on with her. shes been close to divorce twice, just didnt sign the papers that she drew up. i dont want to be with her unless shes left her husband for good, im not stupid or like that. i know her situation very well- her problems with her husband are real, they're not made up. im trying to figure out if shes torn about leaving her husband, and if she does have feelings for me. we've been friends for over two years, and i didnt like her like that until last year. i'm not the only one who buys her lunch when she needs it, our friends do too. thanks again.
Here's the thing...why? Why do you care? Why do you like her? Why do you need to know if she has feelings for you? Why are you waisting emotional energy on her?
And the real question is why don't you have and spend this energy on available women...ones that might be interested in you and available to date you? You should point yourself in that direction.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #12  August 23,2009, 11:43am
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

coolkid2009 wrote :
thanks everyone for your advice, i appreciate it. i dont want to have an affair with a married woman, im just trying to figure out whats going on with her. shes been close to divorce twice, just didnt sign the papers that she drew up. i dont want to be with her unless shes left her husband for good, im not stupid or like that. i know her situation very well- her problems with her husband are real, they're not made up. im trying to figure out if shes torn about leaving her husband, and if she does have feelings for me. we've been friends for over two years, and i didnt like her like that until last year. i'm not the only one who buys her lunch when she needs it, our friends do too. thanks again.
you're putting yourself in the middle of her drama. until she is clear on what she wants to do i would stay away from her.
 
  Reply With Quote
BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #13  August 23,2009, 11:55am
BikerBeagle's Avatar

thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2008

Kansas

Posts: 2,548

See profile

Here's the deal ...she is using you, plain and simple.

You are her ego booster, someone who gives her attention, buys her things, provides emotional support, etc. and this is stuff she needs right now because she's unhappy in her marriage and her life. She needs you to tell her that she's right, that she's justified in feeling the way she does (which I'm sure you do), validate her, and she eats it up ...it empowers her.

Here's the kicker ...she will never be involved with you romantically. She considers you her friend - only a friend - maybe even a 'good' friend, but it will never go any farther than that. Obviously, you want more than that from her ...it will never happen.

I'm the only one in our group that she tells almost nothing to about her marriage. why? could it be that she does care 4 me- she hides her emotions because she's afraid of me seeing her vulnerable?

No, it's not because she cares for you ...it's because she's probably lying - or, at least, very likely exaggerating the situation and playing a victim (to you) when, in fact, she's probably the perpetrator. You are only getting one side of the story - hers. Everything you know, or think you know, comes from her and it's all likely BS to keep you on her leash, to keep you boosting her ego. She needs you to feel sorry for her. She isn't telling you about her marriage because she knows that, eventually, you will catch her in a web of lies and deceit. The less you actually know, the better capable she is of manipulating your emotions and getting attention from you.

You need to get out of this 'relationship' ...
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #14  August 23,2009, 9:13pm
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

coolkid2009 wrote :
thanks everyone for your advice, i appreciate it. i dont want to have an affair with a married woman, im just trying to figure out whats going on with her. shes been close to divorce twice, just didnt sign the papers that she drew up. i dont want to be with her unless shes left her husband for good, im not stupid or like that. i know her situation very well- her problems with her husband are real, they're not made up. im trying to figure out if shes torn about leaving her husband, and if she does have feelings for me. we've been friends for over two years, and i didnt like her like that until last year. i'm not the only one who buys her lunch when she needs it, our friends do too. thanks again.
She's still married because she WANTS to still be married.

It doesn't matter if she has feelings for you... she's MARRIED. Even if she left him for good tomorrow, you don't want to be her first post-divorce relationship. And you certainly don't want to turn into the reason why she completes the divorce. Trust me on both those counts!

Back waaayy off. Let the other friends in your group be her sounding board. You really, really don't want to go there.

The only thing this little infatuation you have going on with her is doing is distracting you from being available for some someone who you could actually have a relationship with.
 
  Reply With Quote
tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #15  August 23,2009, 9:48pm
tommyboy047's Avatar

bye all

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 275

See profile

Again, I agree with wonderwomen and this time with my whole being!!! She is married, the biggest red flag of all!!! If she is unhappy in her marriage or for whatever reason, it does not matter. If this does not bother you then your in the wrong TOO!!! YOU, yes you, are attempting to start a relationship with a married women, does this not bother you at all and if it does why are you even considering it. It will not start right or end right, believe US!
I am not saying this from experience because I would NEVER but I am saying it because it just morally WRONG! And that is a fact.
Last edited by tommyboy047; August 23,2009 at 9:51pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #16  August 23,2009, 11:03pm

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

coolkid2009 wrote :
i hope this makes sense. i edited it for space because i used it on another site with charactor limits. i'm seeking advice from both men and women.
ive been friends with this girl for over 2 years. we are both in our late 20s. I suspect that when we first met, she had an instant crush on me. at the time, she was having very bad marriage problems, divorce was imminemt. I've noticed since we first met (and today) that her attention is primarily focused on me--shes touchy feely towards me, repeats what I say, gives me fashion advice, how I should dress and wear my hair etc. she gets loud around me. she looks to see if I'm listening/watching her. she stands in a way that she knows I can see her. there have been many times when we've been by her computer, were so close that our faces are nearly touching. she's has called me her closest ally. I watch her body language and it seems to be focused on me. we've shared lunch together at work many times, and we've eaten out of the same bowl, and sometimes share the same spoon or fork. I often buy her lunch because I don't want her going hungry-- money is a problem for her even tho her and her husband should be well off because of their salaries. In may, I went on vacation with our friends- our group- (which includes 1 of her closest girl friends). her close girl friend has a boyfriend (my friend and part of our group)- he was there with us. her & her close friend didn't speak much, but her and I texted everyday. She checked my email everyday. I know her passwords 2 her email, MySpace also. last year, I asked her out but she didn't want 2 date a friend again because her marriage started that way. at that time, she was chasing the other guy in our group 4 a hook up. never happened, he's now with her close girl friend in our group. she has 2 kids under the age of 8, and a husband that cheats and treats her very badly at times. she shares a lot about her kids 2 me. she's sent me pics of her dog (who she loves as her child), and other pics about things in her life. I've noticed that when she tells me things that go wrong in our friends' relationship (our group), she's pointing out things that are bad in her marriage, but denies. “He lies to her” “abusive relationship” etc. I've been told that people are most venomous when they see traits that they dispise in themselves. recently, I've noticed that she shut me out of her life. she barely talks to me, or acknowledges me. I asked her what's up, she said she's fine. I asked our mutual friends, they say just let it play out, she has "alot going on." I suspect its marriage problems again. she has a history of this with me- twice before. its the sudden change I don't get. I'm the only one in our group that she tells almost nothing to about her marriage. why? could it be that she does care 4 me- she hides her emotions because she's afraid of me seeing her vulnerable? I asked the other guy in our group. He “didn’t know much.” I told him that if it would def not happen between me & the girl, or if I should leave it alone, its ok 2 tell me because I don't want 2 hurt her. He said he would tell me, but nothing has been said. what's going on?
I must say that you can fool some of the people some of the time, but in this case "Coolkid" you can't fool anyone at all. I think the members really saw right through your good guy misdirection. They see you for who you are, a self promoter!

If my friends on the board see you as you are, then think for a moment about your group of friends they probably see it all and more and are to embarrassed to discuss it with you, but everyone is watching you. So Grow up your not so cool anymore!

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; August 23,2009 at 11:06pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
JohnHolmes99 is offline JohnHolmes99 Post #17  August 24,2009, 12:10am
JohnHolmes99's Avatar

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

Ya see, women are becoming more and more readable since the 1980's. The majority of them follow the same path. Its some kind of trend. While they are single with no kids, they strut their stuff and toss up the snobbery and arrogance, and find who they call the love of their life at work or in a bar. A while down the road, they end up with a kid or two (enjoy the tax refund), and here comes the separation. Now, after an undetermined period of sadness and depression, and maybe some zoloft, they are back at it. She eventually acquires her advanced education, being a bachelors or masters degree, and wahooo she is an instant success, and there is no man in the world right for her. To her, all men are the same rotten individuals. She has somehow become the smartest person alive, and is now better than everyone. Women who are smashed with constant pick-up lines by "men playing the game", end up with this inflated ego, and decide they are supergirl. I love it. Entertainment!! I am never gettin' married or having kids. Its just too fun watching these other folks. I could write novels from watching this crap. Guys, good luck to ya!, because you will never be good enough. I am however proud of your years of dedication and hard work with the ladies. You can't say you didn't try.
 
  Reply With Quote
timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #18  August 24,2009, 8:02am
timeless2's Avatar

wants you to have a Hippo Gnu Eel!

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2008

Philliesland

Posts: 3,866

See profile

I heard someone's buying lunch here? I would like lobster with fries and coleslaw.
Tomorrow I'll have fillet with fries and coleslaw.
The day after I'd like seafood alfredo.
What? She's not about getting a free lunch?
Pshaw
 
  Reply With Quote
TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #19  August 25,2009, 3:51pm
TiffanyDiamon…'s Avatar

is so in love!!

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1,200

See profile

The thing is - she is using you-and everybody else who is taking care of her personal needs. Worse, even if she does finally divorce her husband and run straight into your arms you will be "rebound guy" and she will continue to use you until she finds someone she really wants to be with (probably some other sucker who will take care of her). She is a user. And get this - there are bazillions of good women out there looking for a nice man. Do yourself a favor and try to get yourself one of them!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Marriage and weight gain question | Relationships | Please help decipher this? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Please help! Need methods to quit watching and thinking about porn sadandconfused About You 25 September 1,2009 8:41pm
New Relationship Frustration -- What is she thinking!?!? phreelogic Dating 21 July 15,2009 7:32pm
Probably way over thinking this.... keriberry0427 Dating 16 July 14,2009 4:13pm
Thinking... iammclovin Dating 14 June 7,2009 1:46am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:27pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0