Need advice.......Im confused........help me...


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poojaji is offline poojaji Post #1  August 22,2009, 6:47am
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Dear friends,
Im married for 2 yrs.....Before this my marriage was broken before getting married.......I loved the guy so much and he too.but due to some family probs n misunderstanding the marriage was broken frm his family side n ofcourse he didnot dare to go against his family.......He married some1 else but didnot treat her like a wife as he couldnot forghet me......now he gontacted me through mail n confessed everything......i came to know he was actually unaware of many things.......
He wants to be atleast as afriend to me..so im confused whether to accept his friendship or not......My hubby is very much possessive about me........I cant tell him.........n I dont want to hide also............I pity the first guy........wat to do?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  August 22,2009, 9:38am
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poojaji wrote :
wat to do?

Return to school?
 
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last12C is offline last12C Post #3  August 22,2009, 10:20am
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poojaji wrote :
Dear friends,
Im married for 2 yrs.....Before this my marriage was broken before getting married.......I loved the guy so much and he too.but due to some family probs n misunderstanding the marriage was broken frm his family side n ofcourse he didnot dare to go against his family.......He married some1 else but didnot treat her like a wife as he couldnot forghet me......now he gontacted me through mail n confessed everything......i came to know he was actually unaware of many things.......
He wants to be atleast as afriend to me..so im confused whether to accept his friendship or not......My hubby is very much possessive about me........I cant tell him.........n I dont want to hide also............I pity the first guy........wat to do?

My advice? Don't even go there.

The two of you messed up and it is totally wrong to make your spouses pay for that mistake. Unrequited love covers a multitude of realities. Look at your true reality and behave accordingly.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #4  August 22,2009, 10:22am
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D_Lion, be nice.

poojaji, if he wrote and 'confessed everything' to you, and was 'unaware of many things' (like what?) then it sounds to me like somewhere deep inside both of you are looking for excuses to continue a romance disguised as a friendship. I could be wrong, not having much information, but that's just the impression I get from how you describe it.

What should you do? You should be honest with yourself. That's the only way to start.
It hurts to have so much family meddling, but it is a reality many have to deal with. Don't expect it to stop any time soon, and don't expect his family to approve of his friendship with you. They will probably smell the same skunk I smelled, and they will not be happy about it.
That's just something to consider. What you do about it is up to you. Whatever you do, do it with your eyes open. Two people not happy in their marriages, who are still in love with each other, are setting themselves up for an affair and all the hurt and turmoil that brings.
If you decide to go with it, just go in knowing that. Don't play games with yourself or with him, hurt a bunch of people, then pretend like you didn't know it was going to happen.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  August 22,2009, 10:56am
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poojaji wrote :
Dear friends,
Im married for 2 yrs.....Before this my marriage was broken before getting married.......I loved the guy so much and he too.but due to some family probs n misunderstanding the marriage was broken frm his family side n ofcourse he didnot dare to go against his family.......He married some1 else but didnot treat her like a wife as he couldnot forghet me......now he gontacted me through mail n confessed everything......i came to know he was actually unaware of many things.......
He wants to be atleast as afriend to me..so im confused whether to accept his friendship or not......My hubby is very much possessive about me........I cant tell him.........n I dont want to hide also............I pity the first guy........wat to do?
two guys
one is your husband and one wants to be your friend but you are concerned about what your husband will think?
generally speaking, its usually not a good idea to maintain close opposite sex friendships when you are married. i personally wouldnt
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  August 22,2009, 12:31pm
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last12C wrote :
My advice? Don't even go there.

The two of you messed up and it is totally wrong to make your spouses pay for that mistake. Unrequited love covers a multitude of realities. Look at your true reality and behave accordingly.
I completely agree.
 
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sprcial is offline sprcial Post #7  September 21,2009, 12:11pm
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i would tell my husband, about the other man in my life,(was) before him, that you wnt to be friends "only", but if your husband is possesive, you need to get out of the marriage, especially if he is hurtinh you in any way, then you have to question your self, who do you really love, its inside your self.
 
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vivv_l is offline vivv_l Post #8  September 21,2009, 3:03pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Return to school?
Rofl!
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  September 24,2009, 4:41am
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If her current husband is possessive or hurting her she should be out of the current marriage, irrelevant of this ex husband wanting to be so called friends.

They way you stated it, it sounds like you are encouraging her to be friends with the ex-husband anyways and looking for excuses to dump the current husband in case he won't accept the ex-husband being a so called friend.

Obviously they both got married without waiting long enough and have unresolved issues. Two choices, they both get divorced and resolve this together, or they move on. No friendship ....I do not see anything good coming out of a friendship.

sprcial wrote :
i would tell my husband, about the other man in my life,(was) before him, that you wnt to be friends "only", but if your husband is possesive, you need to get out of the marriage, especially if he is hurtinh you in any way, then you have to question your self, who do you really love, its inside your self.
 
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skitermon is offline skitermon Post #10  September 24,2009, 12:45pm
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vivv_l wrote :
Rofl!
Vivv, you never answered... What is in ur mouth?
 
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