How long do you wait for a man to come out of his cave?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #1  August 21,2009, 3:18am
Chirpy's Avatar

If you lose, don't lose the lesson

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 30

See profile

I got advice from another thread about leaving the guy alone while he's retreating and thinking things over but as the time passes it's getting more and more difficult.

We've only been dating 2 months but both have more baggage than we thought, it appears. I did give him a hard time about the amount of time we saw each other and the reduced amount of communication so pretty sure I scared the guy away. He didn't back off immediately but gradually and now nothing for almost a week other than a short response to a casual email I sent. I'm not used to this communication style and am having an extremely hard time with it. Everyone is telling me to get on with my life, keep busy and just wait but I'm going crazy and can't think about anything else. I just want to discuss things and resolve things one way or another.

We had a great time the first few weeks with lots of laughs, are very compatible and I definitely saw a future in this. Do I just continue to wait? I feel like I am giving him all the control. He could already have moved on without even giving me an explanation.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 21,2009, 3:38am
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

Giving him all of the control? Men dont "cave" in a 2 month old relationship. if you blasted this guy with demands and requirements you can be pretty sure you will never see him again.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  August 21,2009, 3:43am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Everyone is giving you good advice - move on because things are over. Just because you saw potential does not mean it was mutual. It hurts when that happens, but sadly it happens to everyone.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #4  August 21,2009, 4:29am

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

You want what you want, when you want it! Except there seems to be a missing component! You can invite him to join you for a professional sporting event (Dutch) baseball or football it's very hard for a guy to resist a ball game and there are a lot of ticket brokers on the net.
What do you plan to do with the fish once you catch him?

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #5  August 21,2009, 5:19am
dietpepsi's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 295

See profile

I can't tell you how he feels, but I can sense from his lack of initiative that he's chosen not to pursue things further with you. Him responding to you is a sign that he still respects you as a person. Men don't respond to chicks that they think are crazy.

Men are just as finicky as women. They know what they want, and are very specific about how and when it is supplied to them.

You can't chase men. You can only be kind to them, be your fun, emotionally stable and independent self, and see which one appreciates you enough to stick around.
Last edited by dietpepsi; August 21,2009 at 5:25am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Chirpy is offline Chirpy Post #6  August 21,2009, 2:10pm
Chirpy's Avatar

If you lose, don't lose the lesson

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 30

See profile

Thanks everyone for your advice....appreciate it. Lessons learned....
 
  Reply With Quote
dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #7  August 21,2009, 8:18pm
dietpepsi's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 295

See profile

Nanette wrote :
Giving him all of the control? Men dont "cave" in a 2 month old relationship. if you blasted this guy with demands and requirements you can be pretty sure you will never see him again.
actually some do come back after 2 months, but it's often an uphill battle from there.
 
  Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #8  August 22,2009, 6:33pm
littlebluemon…'s Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 13,649

See profile

I have one friend who's been waiting 40 years. Please don't end up like her.

People show us who they are by how they treat us. Quiet time is one thing. Withdrawing or playing head games is an entirely different animal.

We all have at least one person in our past with whom we could envision a future who opted out. It happens. Decide what you want, communicate it clearly, and don't settle for less.
 
  Reply With Quote
saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #9  August 22,2009, 6:50pm
saulgoode's Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,308

See profile

Don't wait on him. Nobody worth waiting on, will make you wait.

Later, if fate brings you back together, so be it. Fate's funny that way.

- Saul
 
  Reply With Quote
shrek99352 is offline shrek99352 Post #10  August 22,2009, 7:40pm
shrek99352's Avatar

is ready to start looking for local friends...

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2008

Tri-Cities, Wa

Posts: 88

See profile

Chirpy wrote :

We've only been dating 2 months but both have more baggage than we thought, it appears. I did give him a hard time about the amount of time we saw each other and the reduced amount of communication so pretty sure I scared the guy away. He didn't back off immediately but gradually and now nothing for almost a week other than a short response to a casual email I sent. I'm not used to this communication style and am having an extremely hard time with it. Everyone is telling me to get on with my life, keep busy and just wait but I'm going crazy and can't think about anything else. I just want to discuss things and resolve things one way or another.

We had a great time the first few weeks with lots of laughs, are very compatible and I definitely saw a future in this. Do I just continue to wait? I feel like I am giving him all the control. He could already have moved on without even giving me an explanation.
I know how you feel. Boy do I know how you feel. Only difference is that my relationship was 10 months (almost 2 years in total), I ended up so anxious and depressed that I am now seeking medical treatment.

It might be to your advantage to think seriously about just moving on.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Help! I'm Engaged with Cold Feet | Relationships | Would you have a relationship with this loser? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How long should you wait for a response? Gigolz Using eHarmony 19 June 30,2010 6:12pm
Requesting a photo - how long to wait? molly_and_me Using eHarmony 8 October 22,2009 8:57pm
Women in their caves - how long happyquestion Ask a Dating Expert 61 August 19,2009 4:56am
how long you wait to ask a woman out? treeye Dating 14 August 14,2009 5:14pm
What's taking him so long? MissP Dating 18 July 31,2009 9:15pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:27pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0