forcing him to have the dreaded talk


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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #21  August 21,2009, 12:50pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
(Clapping for Kevin!!!) And see, that wasn't so hard, was it??

Good luck, DP. I hope it goes well.
Thank you for that brilliant round of affirmation. Now the behavior has been reinforced, and will likely be repeated in the future.

And just FYI, I respond well to praise (appreciation) but I respond even better to home-baked food.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #22  August 21,2009, 1:27pm

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kevin76 wrote :
Thank you for that brilliant round of affirmation. Now the behavior has been reinforced, and will likely be repeated in the future.

And just FYI, I respond well to praise (appreciation) but I respond even better to home-baked food.
Well, I will have to run out and buy you some then.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #23  August 21,2009, 5:28pm
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You read me alright. I wasn't looking for advice, but support through this week. Thanks everyone.

I think relationships are a lot like friendships. If I just met someone I click with, and that friend is either getting too close for comfort or getting weird on me -- I'd freak out. But if things aren't jiving but you haven't split up either, you should just have a clarifying talk.

So there, space for all of us.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #24  August 21,2009, 5:48pm
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I asked him to clarify exactly how he feels about me.

I know, this could be the end, but I just don't want to wait anymore.

So how long do you think it would take before he does? I'm sure there'll be a range of responses, from days, weeks to never.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #25  August 21,2009, 5:48pm
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DDjr wrote :
There is a misconception that "guys" don't want to have "relationship" talks. I've been on EH for four years trying to find someone to have "relationship" talk with.

The problem stems from the fact that you want to have the "relationship" talk with the WRONG guys. (For the most part) Guys in the twenties and early thirties don't really want real relationships. Some sex and some companionship, and then drinking with their buddies.

If a guy is at a point in his life where he really wants a committed relationship, the talk will occur naturally. As you intellectually know but can't face emotionally yet is that your relationship IS ALREADY OVER. If it takes calling him on the mat to do this, then so be it. Understand:

Guys will say anything to get what they want. Some guys will deny this... If it gets them what they want.
It is possible that he will commit deeper so as to not lose her.

I don't like that though. I want someone that wants to be with me... not that does not want to be without me.

She can't wait for something that may never happen. She has to state her needs & stand by them.

Women often stay in relationships that are lacking something until the sense of urgency builds up enough.

If he is content he may stay there forever.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #26  August 21,2009, 5:57pm
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dietpepsi wrote :
I asked him to clarify exactly how he feels about me.

I know, this could be the end, but I just don't want to wait anymore.

So how long do you think it would take before he does? I'm sure there'll be a range of responses, from days, weeks to never.
Yes, all relationships have turning points where they either end or move forward.

It is very good that you are taking control of your own fate.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #27  August 22,2009, 8:59am
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Thanks everyone.

We spoke. He did most of the talking. Gave me some things to think about.

I need to go into my cave and just mind my own business for a while.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #28  August 26,2009, 4:10am
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So I just learned that he doesn't recall when and where we met. Has some of the facts mixed up, like which coffee shop and was off on how long ago we met by a couple of months!

He's very intelligent, which leads me to think that he's just not into me.

So that's that.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #29  August 26,2009, 6:45am

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I think that he has met you before through other people and it's call being "Sincerely Insincere". Your so busy playing the game that you don't really get to play the loving side of yourself, but then neither does anyone else!

Harvey7.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #30  August 26,2009, 6:17pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
I think that he has met you before through other people and it's call being "Sincerely Insincere". Your so busy playing the game that you don't really get to play the loving side of yourself, but then neither does anyone else!

Harvey7.

I think had we met randomly through friends or some social, that would be fine.

But (we met online and) since he picked the date, place AND time that is convenient for him -- he should at least remember one of those facts. We met at a very unique coffee shop near his home, and now months later he keeps insisting that we met at Starbucks. Also, our first in-person meeting had so many unforgettable references to the specific cafe, right after he came back from a certain out-of-town trip over the holidays ... it's like forgetting what you were doing on 9/11. Implausible!

I'm not trying to hold grudges, but I honestly believe that a) he was dating so many girls concurrently that he got us mixed up and b) if a guy wasn't into you from first impressions it just doesn't get better.
Last edited by dietpepsi; August 26,2009 at 6:28pm.
 
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