spraklepea is offline spraklepea Post #1  August 18,2009, 9:39pm
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So, I've met this guy who seems great and special and we've talked online and on the phone for two weeks. We have our first date planned for a few days from now. The problem is that we are 3-hours apart.

Supposing we have a nice time and continue to see eachother on a weekly basis for dinner and outings, how in the world could we transition this to a more serious dating relationship? And how long do you date someone casually before including them in the more typical daily activities of your life (like running errands, spending time with friends)?

I'm in my early 30s and he's in his early 40s and I feel clueless. I'd appreciate hearing from people who have been in similar situations. Thanks!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #2  August 18,2009, 11:50pm

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Your putting the cart before the horse, which in turn leads to unreal expectations and putting pressure on yourself and him to meet those fantasy expectations. Just go out and get to know each other and you'll cross each bridge as you come to it. First learn to like each other and take it step by step. Have fun.

Harvey7.
 
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spraklepea is offline spraklepea Post #3  August 19,2009, 7:46am
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My question comes up because when I meet nice guys who live in town I understand how to pace the relationship a lot better. And I understand how to start adding him into my life, if I want, and seeing how that goes. I can imagine how it all might play out and such things. However, with this long-distance possibility I feel clueless about the whole process.
Last edited by spraklepea; August 19,2009 at 7:47am. Reason: edited for typos
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #4  August 19,2009, 10:28am

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spraklepea wrote :
My question comes up because when I meet nice guys who live in town I understand how to pace the relationship a lot better. And I understand how to start adding him into my life, if I want, and seeing how that goes. I can imagine how it all might play out and such things. However, with this long-distance possibility I feel clueless about the whole process.
Dear,
The answer is still DITTO TO THE ABOVE..........
Stop fantasizing and adding things you are setting the meeting up to fail because no one can meet or beat your expectations.

Nothing changes, if you become friends it will work itself out, if not it's Good Bye, So Long and I'll call you.
Stop adding stress !!!!
Be Surprised.

Harvey7.
 
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Bouffy is offline Bouffy Post #5  August 19,2009, 12:10pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
Your putting the cart before the horse, which in turn leads to unreal expectations and putting pressure on yourself and him to meet those fantasy expectations. Just go out and get to know each other and you'll cross each bridge as you come to it. First learn to like each other and take it step by step. Have fun.

Harvey7.

Word.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #6  August 19,2009, 12:36pm
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It sounds to me like you are just asking this from more of a practical standpoint -- wondering what people do to get to know each other in these kinds of relationships (i.e., should you and your match hit it off especially well and continue to see each other).

Given that you are only 3 hours apart, you wouldn't have to contend with some of the issues that people who are more than a day's drive away, or who have to jump on a plane in order to see each other. You are close enough to easily spend weekends together, and even a "day" date isn't out of the question , especially if you meet somewhere in the middle (perhaps you are in fact doing that when you meet in a couple of weeks).

Obviously you are too far apart to spend regular time together during the week, but you can still communicate easily by phone and computer and continue to get to know each other that way.

The posters above are correct in that some of this stuff just unfolds and gets figured out as needed. With a long-distance relationship, though, it can be more important to talk more directly about what each of your needs (and constraints) are regarding time together and how you can each accommodate that....

There have been a number of threads here about long-distance relationships that you might want to peruse; you can see a few of them highlighted in the "Similar threads" section below.
 
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spraklepea is offline spraklepea Post #7  August 19,2009, 5:19pm
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Neardc, thank you for your tips. Yes, you're right, I am looking for some advice with the 'how-to' aspect of this, not whether or not I should try to elope with him.

At any other point in my life I would have been fine with spending weekends together but with this guy . . . well, we've decided to take physical intimacy very very slowly so I'm not comfortable with him sleeping over or with me staying at his place.

Just trying to think about how this might work and how I could try integrating him into my plain old normal life the way I would if he lived here.

Thanks again.
 
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