Can you work together and have a relationship


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pebblesamd is offline pebblesamd Post #1  August 18,2009, 3:17pm
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I have known a wonderful man for about 12 years at work. He is kind, considerate, intelligent, bright, and funny. We began working on a project together and started to do breakfasts, lunches, dinners, drinks, etc. and he bought me a beautiful birthday present. Long story short, we talked and he said to me that to have a relationship, one of us must quit the company (there is no policy on dating). Is this his way of saying he does not want a relationship? What should I do? I have always had feelings for him.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  August 18,2009, 3:30pm
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Contrary to what many will post, I do not have a negative view of this (we had about 12 married couples in a building of 200 people.)
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #3  August 18,2009, 3:54pm

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My two long-term relationships were both with men that I worked with.

My first was when I was very young. He was a manager and there was a company policy against dating so I did quit my job. It was no big deal because of my age and because my job was just a paycheck. So I got a new job and the new job is actually the career I am still in today.

My last ex-bf, who I was with for eight years, we work together and it is not an issue. We both are very undramatic people and are pretty reasonable and professional people so it is a non-issue.

I think there can be a concern of dating someone that you work with because if it does not work out, that could cause problems in the workplace. It does not mean that it will. I think it greatly depends on the two people involved and your daily involvement with each other in the workplace.

I would discuss his concerns about working together and dating each other. I would think knowing each other 12 years would give you both a good idea of how you each would conduct yourself if the relationship failed.

Good luck!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  August 18,2009, 5:27pm
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pebblesamd wrote :
I have known a wonderful man for about 12 years at work. He is kind, considerate, intelligent, bright, and funny. We began working on a project together and started to do breakfasts, lunches, dinners, drinks, etc. and he bought me a beautiful birthday present. Long story short, we talked and he said to me that to have a relationship, one of us must quit the company (there is no policy on dating). Is this his way of saying he does not want a relationship? What should I do? I have always had feelings for him.
Mmm yeah I think its his way of saying not interested or that one of "us" has to quit and it won't be him.



 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  August 19,2009, 9:39am

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Ask him if he has a new job lined up for himself? He wants his cake and he also wants to eat it. The end result is he wants sexual relationship with you until you get fired or you leave and the result is the same. Smarten up and don't be any one's pansy! I'm sure, if you check around you'll find out that your not the first one that he has romanced. Is he married or divorced, maybe do a background check on him. Once you give in the magic is lost.
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OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #6  August 19,2009, 2:17pm
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pebblesamd wrote :
I have known a wonderful man for about 12 years at work. He is kind, considerate, intelligent, bright, and funny. We began working on a project together and started to do breakfasts, lunches, dinners, drinks, etc. and he bought me a beautiful birthday present. Long story short, we talked and he said to me that to have a relationship, one of us must quit the company (there is no policy on dating). Is this his way of saying he does not want a relationship? What should I do? I have always had feelings for him.
This sounds like his own rule, especially if there is no company policy about dating. Work relationships do work if you cover all the grounds before you start, including what will happen if you break up.

It puzzles me that he would immediately say one of you (which I take means you) must quit, especially since jobs are not so plentiful today. I would press on this a bit further but be careful. Don't start anything if you have a twinge of doubt because this could go against you in the future.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #7  August 19,2009, 2:50pm
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Actually, I know many people who do this. The place that I work is large in space and that there are many different areas, but it's small in that everyone knows everyone else. There is a dating policy there. Most couple are married, and they don't work in the same area. (You also have a lot of parents-children, siblings, in-laws, grandparent-grandchild, aunt/uncle-neice/nephew relationships there.) Occassionally, you'll have a couple working in the same area at the same time. I've only seen one such relationship be successful. Most end up being very disruptive to the workplace. There's always gossip and other workers creating problems. But the worse I've seen has been four times they have ended in lawsuits, demotions, and terminations.
 
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