Hi.

I am a 42 year old woman in a relationship with a 48 year old man. We have been dating for about 9 months.

I am noticing he gets "stern" with me about some things. He gets a certain tone of voice that is very serious and irritated and harsh. The last time I saw him, he did this three times. Two times it was over my driving another time it was the table I chose for us to eat at (I had to drive because his car was not working). The first time because I didn't recognize the parking spot he wanted us to have (he didn't tell me to drive down a certain street so I missed the spot). The second time was when I decided to go around the block to park in stead of turn around in the middle of the street. And the last time was when I chose a too small table to eat at (it was outdoors) and he got irritated because I didn't chose the large table (there wasn't enough room for our food). I told him I was trying to be polite with other customers and not take a big table for two people. He said "don't be so polite next time"! even though he is a polite and diplomatic person to the world 98% percent of the time.

When it happened this last time I got very upset...more then ever before. I almost cried with the second one....I told him he stresses me out and shocks me and that I felt like crying. It puts me on edge and makes me tense. I said I had my reasons for going around the block and it wasn't worth it to get angry about it. I told him to get out of the car but he didn't, he said he wanted to continue to shop with me and things died down a bit. We actually had a good time after the initial upset.

Other times in the relationship he has gotten irritated at me for things like this. It's just this last time was more acute. I don't know, it just hurts my heart. I wasn't frightened, and I know he doesn't mean it (I believe it's a habit) but it's upsetting. It shakes me up and ruins the peace. I feel bewildered about it and if we are about to eat, I sometimes lose my appetite because I feel sad.

I am guessing this sounds bad. I have never had a man like this. I do not have a history of controlling men or abuse. In fact, I've always been treated wonderful by men. I have little baggage from my past. He is also an "alpha male". I am wondering if it is coming from this? He runs his own company and is "the boss". He is considered genius, a "mover and a shaker" so maybe that is the cause?

A long time ago, I said "I can't tell if you are really annoyed with me or it's just your style". He said "it's the testosterone speaking".

He doesn't always talk to me like this, just when he is annoyed. He is really loving the rest of the time.

So my question is...since I have never had an alpha male before...could this just be his alpha personality? Or is it something more troubling?

By the way, I am not an alpha female. In the career world he is eons ahead of me, there is no comparison...so I am not used to a man like this. I usually went out with artist types...not business types. I have never gone out with a "business leader" ever before. Totally different.

I spoke to a traditional older woman family friend (in her 80's) and she said I need to relax...he's a man and he wants things done a certain way. It's not personal...just don't take it to heart. She said just let him express how things should be done..and do them if I can. He likes to be efficient. Boy, is she right...that is the basis of his irritation. He feels I am not being efficient.

I really love this man and I am not planning on leaving him. He is exceptional and so special to me for very specific reasons. He is solid and generous...so much good. I love his mind and heart. However, and I hope to God I am wrong, if there is a problem I want to be able to recognize it. But I do hope it's nothing deeper as he is really special to me.

All my friends say he is a great guy, a "catch" and seem to think there is nothing to worry about.

Any thoughts? Am I just dealing with a strong personality or is this a red flag for a controlling man?

I do not know because I do not believe I ever had a controlling man before...so I am not even sure what that would look like.

Thanks in advance