Should I stay or Should I go?


View Poll Results: Do I stay or
stay 0 0%
leave 0 0%
tell him and leave 3 37.50%
never tell him and just stay 0 0%
wait 6 months and then make a decision 5 62.50%
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simplyconfusedheart is offline simplyconfusedheart Post #1  August 18,2009, 12:47pm
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I am in a relationship with a man I have been seeing for about 15 months. We recently bought a home together and he popped the question and i said yes; however, now I am not happy. I just want to go back to living for my children and me. I don't want to be a stepmom, I don't want to get married and I don't want to live in this home that we bought. He hasn't done anything wrong in fact he is almost perfect, I just realized I am not "IN" love with him... now how do I over come this and what do I do... is this normal do I stay do I go or what? I am totally freaked...not to forget that I met him six months after my divorce from my husband of 11 years.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 18,2009, 6:42pm
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wrote :
He hasn't done anything wrong in fact he is almost perfect, I just realized I am not "IN" love with him
I take this to mean that there is no passion? If that is the case do you think that there is something that you can do to help you to see him as more exciting?

It just seems like you have made a huge commitment already in purchasing a home with him and blending your (or beginning to blend) your family.

Take some time to figure out why your feelings have changed, and then if you cant resolve it on your own I would try to talk to a trusted friend and then maybe him.

Its hard to say not knowing you.

Good luck.


 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #3  August 19,2009, 7:12am

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You made a financial commitment to the bank or mortgage company which no one is going to release you from period. Two and the most important item, you made an emotional commitment to the man that you love. The first lesson is you can never go back in time to recapture who you think that you should be, because everyone else has moved on with their lives. You best option is to try couples counseling and find out why you have changed your mind, what's really going on with you emotionally? Give it some time.

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Last edited by Harvey7; August 19,2009 at 7:18am.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #4  August 19,2009, 8:58am
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Rule #1 of emotions: Emotions change.

If you are looking for a relationship where you will always FEEL "in love" and be perfectly happy, you will never have a successful relationship.

On the other side, if you only ever had a relationship with him because your emotions were in turmoil from your divorce, then it would not be fair to anyone for you to stay 'hoping it gets better.'

Basically, it seems to me your emotions are WAY too turbulent right now to be making any long-term decisions at all. Which includes the decision to marry. You've already said 'yes', but you're not married yet. You didn't take enough time before - take some time now! Work through your feelings, explore why you started dating him in the first place. Do a little soul searching, and you may discover you love him after all, or you may discover you never did.
Nobody else can answer that question for you.

Two main points:
1. Don't rely completely on how you feel at the moment. That will change.
2. Be honest and open with him and with yourself. Anything less will turn out badly for everyone involved.
Last edited by kevin76; August 19,2009 at 8:59am. Reason: Grammar issues. (yes I am a 'Grammar Nazi' even to myself.)
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #5  August 20,2009, 8:29am
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simplyconfusedheart wrote :
I am in a relationship with a man I have been seeing for about 15 months. We recently bought a home together and he popped the question and i said yes; however, now I am not happy. I just want to go back to living for my children and me. I don't want to be a stepmom, I don't want to get married and I don't want to live in this home that we bought. He hasn't done anything wrong in fact he is almost perfect, I just realized I am not "IN" love with him... now how do I over come this and what do I do... is this normal do I stay do I go or what? I am totally freaked...not to forget that I met him six months after my divorce from my husband of 11 years.
You should go...go to counseling that is. You've made several commitments, such as staying in a relationship for 15 months; saying yes to marriage; buying a house and exposing your kids to this process. Did you just wake up one day and think (Nahh...this isn't for me)?
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #6  August 22,2009, 5:30pm
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kevin76 wrote :
Rule #1 of emotions: Emotions change.

If you are looking for a relationship where you will always FEEL "in love" and be perfectly happy, you will never have a successful relationship.

On the other side, if you only ever had a relationship with him because your emotions were in turmoil from your divorce, then it would not be fair to anyone for you to stay 'hoping it gets better.'

Basically, it seems to me your emotions are WAY too turbulent right now to be making any long-term decisions at all. Which includes the decision to marry. You've already said 'yes', but you're not married yet. You didn't take enough time before - take some time now! Work through your feelings, explore why you started dating him in the first place. Do a little soul searching, and you may discover you love him after all, or you may discover you never did.
Nobody else can answer that question for you.

Two main points:
1. Don't rely completely on how you feel at the moment. That will change.
2. Be honest and open with him and with yourself. Anything less will turn out badly for everyone involved.
This is good, sound advice. I second it!
 
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