Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack (1) Thread Tools
missy2u2002 missy2u2002 is offline
missy2u2002's Avatar

missy2u2002 is at work.

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 133

See profile

Ok so I have discovered there is no such thing as love at first site, truely it is just lust!!! However this guy that I have been seeing is a really great and wonderful man in so many ways, but I just do not feel the same excitement as I did. His little quirks and what not's are a bit irritating and some of them I do not believe I can deal with long term.

He tells me how much he loves and cares for me and I have said it back, I do love or care very much for him, but I do not feel that I am "in love" with him. I know it is going to break his heart and I feel just terrible. But I also know it is wrong to lead him on knowing or feeling that there really is no hope for us long term. He wanted to take me out this weekend for my birthday and I just can not let him do that. I do not believe that he has put a deposit or anything yet but I don't want him to spend his money on me.

So there is nothing really wrong with him or anything he has done, how do I tell him? I would usually just make him mad so he would break up with me but I don't believe there is anything I could do that would cause him to do that.( I know thats not right either)
- August 17th, 2009, 12:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
Bearwolf102 Bearwolf102 is offline
Bearwolf102's Avatar

Bearwolf102 Loveing life

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 172

See profile

From someone on the nice guy side of this situation who believes that his love is going to do the same thing...Just tell him.

He needs to know so he can move on. Don't leave him hanging with false hope.

It will hurt him. But he will survive.

Good luck,
Bearwolf102
- August 17th, 2009, 12:22 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
waypoint_finder waypoint_finder is offline
waypoint_finder's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 213

See profile

I agree. Tell him straight up that you don't have feelings for him. You never know... he might be relieved too.
- August 17th, 2009, 12:31 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
DancingFool DancingFool is offline
DancingFool's Avatar

DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

Veteran

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 1,753

See profile

The kindest thing that you can do is just to be blunt and direct. Tell him that you have been thinking about this relationship and him and that as you have gotten to know him, you've realized that he is simply not the right person for you and things will not work out between the two of you. That's it.

Whatever you do, don't tell him how great and wonderful he is or how you two can still be friends or other sugar coatings - it's actually cruel. Instead of understanding that things are over between you two and focusing on moving on, all that sugarcoating will simply leave his head spinning questioning over and over again what happened, what went wrong, why won't you date him if he is really that great and such a nice guy.

Think about it this way - if you were the one getting dumped what would you like to hear? What would allow you to heal and move on the fastest? Sugarcoating bs that leaves you in turmoil or just a clean break?
- August 17th, 2009, 12:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
boccabum boccabum is offline
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 976

See profile

Wait!! I thought all you ladies wanted was "just a nice guy"? Here you've got a nice guy, nothing wrong with him but are going to break up with him.
Hear that guys? Being "nice" isn't enough-no matter how much the gals yell it.

How to do it? Fast. Like a band-aid. Be gentle, firm, fast, and complete. Leave no door opened to a nice guy. They's how they become "stalkers".
- August 17th, 2009, 02:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy Lookin' like a fool wit' your pants on the ground...

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,753

See profile

Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
- August 17th, 2009, 02:37 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
Ms666 Ms666 is offline
Ms666's Avatar

Ms666 has never tweeted...unless you count that time she hooked up with Big Bird

Quick Study

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 166

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
HARSH!!! LMAO

I never seem to attract the 'nice' guys. The 'nice' guys I've been out with tend to run like hell afterwards. I guess I frighten them?

That's it... find something to do to scare the crap out of him!!!
- August 17th, 2009, 03:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Ms666 Ms666 is offline
Ms666's Avatar

Ms666 has never tweeted...unless you count that time she hooked up with Big Bird

Quick Study

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 166

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
HARSH!!!

I never seem to have this problem. All the 'nice guys' I go out with tend to run like hell from me. Do I scare them or something??

Maybe there's a tip for you.... do something that scares the bejesus out of him.
- August 17th, 2009, 03:09 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
brneyedangel brneyedangel is offline
brneyedangel's Avatar

brneyedangel just found out she lives in the worst weather city in the U.S.!

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,089

See profile

Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
This would be cruel and it would be using him. They are also two things that leave a bad taste in most men's mouths about women. I'd suggest going with DancingFool's suggestion instead.

As for looking for a nice guy, having him, and breaking up with him, the reality is that not every nice guy equates to a good match for every single woman out there, just as not every kind, caring, and compassionate woman does not equate to a good match for every single man out there. So rather than calling her out on that, boccabum, it might be better to appreciate her honesty in giving that nice guy a chance to find a better match for him. Don't they both deserve that?
- August 17th, 2009, 03:12 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
boccabum boccabum is offline
boccabum's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 976

See profile

brneyedangel wrote :
This would be cruel and it would be using him. They are also two things that leave a bad taste in most men's mouths about women. I'd suggest going with DancingFool's suggestion instead.

As for looking for a nice guy, having him, and breaking up with him, the reality is that not every nice guy equates to a good match for every single woman out there, just as not every kind, caring, and compassionate woman does not equate to a good match for every single man out there. So rather than calling her out on that, boccabum, it might be better to appreciate her honesty in giving that nice guy a chance to find a better match for him. Don't they both deserve that?
Well, I wasn't trying to call HER out as much as using that as an example to the other guys reading this...which in fact, agrees with what you said: That being simply and only a nice guy isn't really what works and isn't enough. Many inexperianced young men hear all the time from women that all they want is just a nice guy. So they become that. A nice guy. But they evolve into this one-dimensional person that relies on and thinks that by simply being nice enough, they will win the girl. They try to manipulate with kindness, or to purchase her love. Then they wonder (like this guy probably will) what went wrong.
Somehow, in my twisted mind, I see the majority of posts on here by guys that are failing in their love life. And the majority of things I see is how these guys either never learned or have forgotten how to be a man that attracts a woman. Rather, they're men with the personality of a woman. And don't realize that most women want men (regardless of what they say).
- August 17th, 2009, 03:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« Should I Say Something? | Array | What does it mean? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/relationships/28557-how-do-you-break-up-really-nice-guy.html
Posted By For Type Date
sophiefleming's Bookmarks on Delicious This thread Refback October 4th, 2009 06:43 pm

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why do nice guys have to finish last? Matthew333 Ask a Dating Expert 15 August 4th, 2009 05:57 am
Is he interested or just a really nice guy? Vibrant Dating 31 July 26th, 2009 10:24 am
Your a Nice Guy but..... smashcow Dating 21 May 15th, 2009 10:37 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Has he ever communicated with you? I take it you sent the initial questions to him- if not, what reply are you talking about? I agree with the others who say there's no harm in keeping it open. ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Close or leave open?” discussion

“I think it was his cute way of saying he enjoyed his time with you and yes, you were a cheap date. I get told I'm a cheap date when I order the smallest coffee or tell my friends I ate before I came ... ” – AndieIsMe

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“Personally, I believe you should remove them. For a lot of women, it is going to be a big red flag that you are just here for sex, So what if a woman has it in her must haves/cant stands????? ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “Must Have/Can't Stand Mistake?” discussion

“I try to treat it as close to "real" life as possible. So, yes, meet as quickly as is possible for both people. Just like in real life, people meet and then don't start dating for months or years. So ... ” – nophotos

Join the “Too much thinking going on here...” discussion

“ This was my feeling too. I think he doesn't agree because he only offered the explanation I pasted in my OP, but not an admission. Perhaps I am too tied up in the words I'm hearing, and think I need ... ” – SavannahGal

Join the “Stop Talking” discussion

“I didn't cringe. I don't see much you did wrong. I'd be charmed more than anything by the kiss on the hand, unless I wasn't responding positively through the whole date. The man I'm now dating was ... ” – nophotos

Join the “Rough Start” discussion

“I also asked him "How would you spend a romatic evening with someone you have been dating over one year" answer: after dating over one year I would hope to find out how that person would want to ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “I'm seeing red flags . . .” discussion

“ Read what I just posted about sarcasm.” – nunayabizness

Join the “Getting Over My Girlfriend's Past Lovers?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:59 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0