How do you break up with a really nice guy?


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missy2u2002 is offline missy2u2002 Post #1  August 17,2009, 11:14am
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Ok so I have discovered there is no such thing as love at first site, truely it is just lust!!! However this guy that I have been seeing is a really great and wonderful man in so many ways, but I just do not feel the same excitement as I did. His little quirks and what not's are a bit irritating and some of them I do not believe I can deal with long term.

He tells me how much he loves and cares for me and I have said it back, I do love or care very much for him, but I do not feel that I am "in love" with him. I know it is going to break his heart and I feel just terrible. But I also know it is wrong to lead him on knowing or feeling that there really is no hope for us long term. He wanted to take me out this weekend for my birthday and I just can not let him do that. I do not believe that he has put a deposit or anything yet but I don't want him to spend his money on me.

So there is nothing really wrong with him or anything he has done, how do I tell him? I would usually just make him mad so he would break up with me but I don't believe there is anything I could do that would cause him to do that.( I know thats not right either)
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #2  August 17,2009, 11:22am
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From someone on the nice guy side of this situation who believes that his love is going to do the same thing...Just tell him.

He needs to know so he can move on. Don't leave him hanging with false hope.

It will hurt him. But he will survive.

Good luck,
Bearwolf102
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #3  August 17,2009, 11:31am

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I agree. Tell him straight up that you don't have feelings for him. You never know... he might be relieved too.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  August 17,2009, 11:41am
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The kindest thing that you can do is just to be blunt and direct. Tell him that you have been thinking about this relationship and him and that as you have gotten to know him, you've realized that he is simply not the right person for you and things will not work out between the two of you. That's it.

Whatever you do, don't tell him how great and wonderful he is or how you two can still be friends or other sugar coatings - it's actually cruel. Instead of understanding that things are over between you two and focusing on moving on, all that sugarcoating will simply leave his head spinning questioning over and over again what happened, what went wrong, why won't you date him if he is really that great and such a nice guy.

Think about it this way - if you were the one getting dumped what would you like to hear? What would allow you to heal and move on the fastest? Sugarcoating bs that leaves you in turmoil or just a clean break?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #5  August 17,2009, 1:14pm
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Wait!! I thought all you ladies wanted was "just a nice guy"? Here you've got a nice guy, nothing wrong with him but are going to break up with him.
Hear that guys? Being "nice" isn't enough-no matter how much the gals yell it.

How to do it? Fast. Like a band-aid. Be gentle, firm, fast, and complete. Leave no door opened to a nice guy. They's how they become "stalkers".
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #6  August 17,2009, 1:37pm
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Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #7  August 17,2009, 2:02pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
HARSH!!! LMAO

I never seem to attract the 'nice' guys. The 'nice' guys I've been out with tend to run like hell afterwards. I guess I frighten them?

That's it... find something to do to scare the crap out of him!!!
 
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Ms666 is offline Ms666 Post #8  August 17,2009, 2:09pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
HARSH!!!

I never seem to have this problem. All the 'nice guys' I go out with tend to run like hell from me. Do I scare them or something??

Maybe there's a tip for you.... do something that scares the bejesus out of him.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  August 17,2009, 2:12pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Hmm, why not let him take you out on your birthday and let him spend money on you, and then break it off with him? As a decent guy myself, I gurantee you that if my girlfriend let me spend money on her for her birthday, and then broke up with me a couple of days later, I would never speak to her again. And if this guy doesn't ever get mad at you, then he's a lame wimp (which is what I am guessing that you recognize).

So go ahead and get what you can from him before you kick him to the curb. And remember, his feelings are secondary. Rather than worry about how bad he will feel, think aboout how good you will feel to get out of this relationship.
This would be cruel and it would be using him. They are also two things that leave a bad taste in most men's mouths about women. I'd suggest going with DancingFool's suggestion instead.

As for looking for a nice guy, having him, and breaking up with him, the reality is that not every nice guy equates to a good match for every single woman out there, just as not every kind, caring, and compassionate woman does not equate to a good match for every single man out there. So rather than calling her out on that, boccabum, it might be better to appreciate her honesty in giving that nice guy a chance to find a better match for him. Don't they both deserve that?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #10  August 17,2009, 2:33pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
This would be cruel and it would be using him. They are also two things that leave a bad taste in most men's mouths about women. I'd suggest going with DancingFool's suggestion instead.

As for looking for a nice guy, having him, and breaking up with him, the reality is that not every nice guy equates to a good match for every single woman out there, just as not every kind, caring, and compassionate woman does not equate to a good match for every single man out there. So rather than calling her out on that, boccabum, it might be better to appreciate her honesty in giving that nice guy a chance to find a better match for him. Don't they both deserve that?
Well, I wasn't trying to call HER out as much as using that as an example to the other guys reading this...which in fact, agrees with what you said: That being simply and only a nice guy isn't really what works and isn't enough. Many inexperianced young men hear all the time from women that all they want is just a nice guy. So they become that. A nice guy. But they evolve into this one-dimensional person that relies on and thinks that by simply being nice enough, they will win the girl. They try to manipulate with kindness, or to purchase her love. Then they wonder (like this guy probably will) what went wrong.
Somehow, in my twisted mind, I see the majority of posts on here by guys that are failing in their love life. And the majority of things I see is how these guys either never learned or have forgotten how to be a man that attracts a woman. Rather, they're men with the personality of a woman. And don't realize that most women want men (regardless of what they say).
 
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