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Understated Understated is offline
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
I agree with the guy who said let him pay to take you out for your birthday then dump him. Except you can go one better than that, if you haven't done so already. Say to him- "its my birthday weekend, and did I tell you what I like to do all weekend on my birthday?" then have amazing sex with him the rest of the weekend and then dump him.

At least he will have got his leg over one last time for buying your birthday dinner and you get to say good bye to him in style.

Just my 2p's worth (I'm English).
The problem here is that you are saying if he is going to get burnt, then burn him alot. If he wants to make a relationship with her then she has sex with him the situation has just gone from her as a friend setting a limit or cooling things down to getting dumped by someone who you feel cared enough to sleep with you. She gets a better birthday and he pays for it in more ways than one. VERY bad ju-ju/karma and VERY un-cool. There is a name for that and I don't think she would like it.
- August 21st, 2009, 01:45 pm
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PreachersSon PreachersSon is offline
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tommyboy047 wrote :
Well if love was a choice in any way shape or form, I could have chosen NOT to love my xwife anymore but I could not. It took me a year just to be able to function, besides work, and another year to get my head straight and stop thinking about her every second of my day. And as for the feeling of love fading, NOPE, I was "in love" with her for over 18 years, she could still melt me with just a touch. True love never fades or dies but when it does end you have to learn to live again and that takes time, if it was a choice, you would need no time, just chose to stop loving them, that does not happen if you were truly in love. So for me love is more a feeling, a deep feeling when it is true. If you could just chose to stop loving someone then it is not nor never was true love, sorry.
You misunderstand me, deliberately or otherwise. One of the main problems in our society is that people think they need to feel that "rush" every time they look at someone or else they don't love them. So, they divorce the first person and go looking for someone else that they feel that "chemistry" with. In any long term reltionship, there are going to be times when the other person doesn't just make you tingle, or at least more some times than others. And you either choose to stay untill the tingle comes back or you don't. But if there had never been any spark at all, you wouldn't have gotten involved with them. That's what I mean when I say that love is a choice based on a feeling.

As far as you not being able to "choose" to stop loving your wife, that doesn't apply at all to the question at hand. That's something entirely different, called grief. And, even at that, it went away eventually didn't it? You want to know why? Time and choice. There are some people who choose never to get over their grief--and they don't. So, if you've recovered at all, it was because you CHOSE to. To qoute Wynonna, I think, "Love ain't just a feelin'." But it ain't just a choice either. It's both.
- August 27th, 2009, 09:07 pm
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BonnieG BonnieG is offline
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I'm in the exact same boat...but I've now told this guy on several occasions that I'm not in love with him. I broke up with him about 6 months ago, but then because we're so close we just ended up getting back together...he still knows I'm not in love with him...he acts like he's fine with it...but I don't know...it's easier to be with him than without him...bad but true.
- August 28th, 2009, 05:37 pm
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Naughty_Teddy_Bear Naughty_Teddy_Bear is offline
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Naughty_Teddy_Bear 11 years happily divorced but unafraid to venture forth

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Please. The last thing the man is going to want to hear is that he's a "Really Nice Guy". Do you understand the word emascilation? That's what those 3 words do to a man. Tell him he's decent, he's honorable, tell him his breath smells like a wild boar's; but NEVER tell him he's a "Really Nice Guy". Would be like telling you you're a very nice little girl.

Anyway, for this "Really Nice Guy". Make it hard, fast, and blunt. We who are on the more nurturing side need that information delivered that way. Otherwise? We have hopes left.

He will survive. He'll also find someone better for him as well as you will for you.

Nice trade.
- October 1st, 2009, 08:55 pm
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Naughty_Teddy_Bear Naughty_Teddy_Bear is offline
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BonnieG wrote :
I'm in the exact same boat...but I've now told this guy on several occasions that I'm not in love with him. I broke up with him about 6 months ago, but then because we're so close we just ended up getting back together...he still knows I'm not in love with him...he acts like he's fine with it...but I don't know...it's easier to be with him than without him...bad but true.
Bonnie, all you're gonna do is make life worse for both of you. I just went through this and I needed a hammer shot to the head. The lady and I are still best friends and we talk almost everyday, but, we know where the lines are. Communication is important. Not only what you say but how you say it. Good luck!!! I'm rootin' for ya. *S*
- October 1st, 2009, 08:59 pm
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Naughty_Teddy_Bear Naughty_Teddy_Bear is offline
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Love is energy, it comes from the soul. Lust well it comes from other places *WEG* As with any energy, it's a matter of how you handle it and not let it handle you. Love is wonderful, but, to let it run wild isn't healthy. It usually leads to the exhaustion of the energy. Leaving you with lust alone. And who seriously wants that? It sounds fun at 20, but, at 53, I'm here to tell you, the warm transfer of energy from a partner's eyes or touch can do as much for me and my day as rompin' in the sheets. And I still LOVE rompin' in the sheets.
- October 1st, 2009, 09:05 pm
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clancey2009 clancey2009 is offline
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I'm a really nice guy and I am sure that a breakup now would be better than a breakup a year from now. As a nice guy, when I commit to one woman I am totally for her. I don't flirt, I don't date other women, I don't play games, at that point I blow off all other women. It's just I get to a point and say she is the one and I am going to do whatever it takes to make this work. I think at that point if she thinks it's not going to work,I would hope she would talk to me about that, so I can move on before I get hurt more.
Good luck!!!
- October 1st, 2009, 09:59 pm
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