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Faerie Faerie is offline
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Faerie thinks that soccer season marching band season=not much time for us. :(

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When something is really not fine, I just tend to say it's fine anyway to avoid upsetting my boyfriend. How can I possibly tell him that something is not fine without upsetting him and making him feel like he's made me sad or angry, which will in turn make me feel bad?
- August 16th, 2009, 05:16 pm
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hazmat hazmat is offline
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What makes him so special that you're not allowed to upset him when things aren't all right with you ? You're half of the relationship, speak your mind. If he's made you sad or angry, how is he supposed to know if you don't tell him ?

There's no reason for you to feel bad about it either. Communication is huge in every relationship.
- August 17th, 2009, 01:34 pm
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boccabum boccabum is offline
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If you can't communicate problems with someone, or if he is too sensitive to receive this communication, then neither of you are mature enough to even be in a relationship.
Saying "fine" especially in a passive/aggressive way can get very annoying. We guys aren't that stupid and know what "fine" means. It's better to just spill the beans than hold it in. Because later on down the line, you're going to expect he should KNOW what's bothering you and you'll hold this poor guys lack of a crystal ball against him and blame him for everything that's wrong in your relationship (even though you're responsible for 50%).
- August 17th, 2009, 01:46 pm
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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Faerie wrote :
When something is really not fine, I just tend to say it's fine anyway to avoid upsetting my boyfriend. How can I possibly tell him that something is not fine without upsetting him and making him feel like he's made me sad or angry, which will in turn make me feel bad?
If what you have to say is about your bf's time given to activities (your status update), then he may be defensive or hurt or angry or may not care. You won't know until you speak with him. Are you in the situation of he has external interests and you don't? If so, you could actively support him at one of these activities or find an interest of your own at the same time. My brother-in-law plays soccer and my sister hates it. But ever since they've been together, she would go every weekend to watch him play; and now she takes their children to watch their father play soccer.
- August 17th, 2009, 03:12 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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It is infuriating to have to manage someone else’s emotional state. I take no responsibility for concerns or feelings which aren’t communicated. Once you say “fine” you lose the right to be anything other than “fine” regarding that situation, and I do not revisit situations to sort through poorly-managed emotions (too much like work.)

Just tell a guy the truth of what you feel, at the time it is relevant (or latest when you are alone or calm.

Some feelings are legitimate responses to stimuli, and if he is the stimuli in question, he needs to know – which means you need to tell him.
- August 17th, 2009, 04:03 pm
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happyquestion happyquestion is offline
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50/50% responsibility sharing in a relationship between both partners. You are responsible to be open with him about your true feelings/concerns, anything withheld or unsaid, he wouldn't know. As unsolved problem accumulate, you are generating a timed bomb in your relationship waiting the final explosion.

It's normal for either partner to feel 'upset' or 'defensive' about things the other person brought up, but going through the emotions a healthy relationship should be able to endure such emotion and allow the two work out a common ground.

You are fearing of losing him by not voice your concerns, by doing so you are making the matter worse and generating a bigger problem in the relationship.
- August 17th, 2009, 04:31 pm
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happyquestion happyquestion is offline
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50/50% responsibility sharing in a relationship between both partners. You are responsible to be open with him about your true feelings/concerns, anything withheld or unsaid, he wouldn't know. As unsolved problem accumulate, you are generating a timed bomb in your relationship waiting the final explosion.

It's normal for either partner to feel 'upset' or 'defensive' about things the other person brought up, but going through the emotions a healthy relationship should be able to endure such emotion and allow the two work out a common ground.

You are fearing of losing him by not voice your concerns, by doing so you are making the matter worse and generating a bigger problem in the relationship.
- August 17th, 2009, 04:31 pm
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waypoint_finder waypoint_finder is offline
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Faerie wrote :
When something is really not fine, I just tend to say it's fine anyway to avoid upsetting my boyfriend. How can I possibly tell him that something is not fine without upsetting him and making him feel like he's made me sad or angry, which will in turn make me feel bad?
If things are not "fine", then have you thought of saying " its not fine" ?
- August 17th, 2009, 05:56 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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waypoint_finder wrote :
If things are not "fine", then have you thought of saying " its not fine" ?

Fine advice!
- August 17th, 2009, 06:46 pm
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emerraald emerraald is offline
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Fine, ok then.
- August 17th, 2009, 07:14 pm
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