27 wks preggo and he leaves... but theres so much more PLEASE HELP


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tom1385 is offline tom1385 Post #21  August 20,2009, 3:12am
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I know it is a stressful time for you. For now, just be glad that you found out who he is before you were in your mid 30's and he was being a philanderer for all that time.

For now, just think of the great times you'll have with your son. Stress - like alcohol and smoking, can have some negative impacts - so it is a good step moving away from Joe blow. Take some nice quiet you time, relax and listen to some nice music and take deep long breaths .

Imagine the smile on your son, the great times you'll have together and a better father for him someday.

Good luck!
Last edited by tom1385; August 20,2009 at 3:36am.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #22  August 20,2009, 7:53am
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Oh dear!! Food for thought....

This guy had sex with you and his sperm united with your egg which created a new life, the baby growing inside you. Sadly, that makes him the father of your child BUT that does NOT make him (or you ) a parent, someone who loves, nurtures, protects and provides for the well being of a child.

You must choose to be a parent. You might choose not to be. There is always adoption.

By the words in your post, it sounds like you have choosen to be a parent. Focus on being a good one. Begin now to invest in yourself and your baby's future. My advice would be to cut ALL ties with this guy.

Let this guy be responsible for the level of involvement he wants to have with his child. In other words, don't encourage it, but if he shows an interest, don't discourage it.

It will be necessary to establish strong boundaries with him to prevent him from using the child just to get at you. (and vice versa--you using the child just to get at him. ) It will take LOTS of strength and courage to do this, but based on your comments here, I think you've got what it takes!

Hang in there! You have an incredibly challenging road ahead of you. You are BLESSED with the opportunity to walk it!! Be a strong independent, loving mom.

Invest in your son and you will not have to worry about him growing up to be like his dad. He will be molded by the character traits he sees demonstrated in his mom. Demonstrate good character... honesty, patience, perseverance, loyalty, faithfulness, trustworthiness, kindness, responsibility, etc.

Learn from your past choices and make better choices in the future.

Best wishes to you!
Last edited by WYskywatcher2; August 20,2009 at 1:58pm.
 
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JasonX43 is offline JasonX43 Post #23  August 20,2009, 8:54pm
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is at home.

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faith22 wrote :
Thank you
Anytime!

Oh, and word to the wise: Start dating church going nerds for a change!
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #24  August 22,2009, 3:12pm
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This guy is a jerk for stressing you out while you are pregnant. I would forget about the money...that is the least of your worries right now. Unfortunately because you will have a child with this guy you will probably be stuck with this him forever.... You need to think about how to take care of yourself and your child and after the child is born establishing paternity and getting child support. And...stop taking him back. He needs to grow up. And you have more important things to take care of so you will have to grow up too.
 
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Avalon1k is offline Avalon1k Post #25  August 22,2009, 10:21pm
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I live for little moments when she steals my heart again...

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He is not a man. Real men would never do what he did. Move on and learn from this experience.
 
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niceguy1246 is offline niceguy1246 Post #26  August 26,2009, 8:03am
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Well said. He is the very definition of a boy not a man.
 
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lgt1013 is offline lgt1013 Post #27  August 27,2009, 5:38am
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My heart goes out to you, as I was in an eerily similar situation not too long ago.

My military husband of 2 years left me and our 2-year-old son in Novmeber of 2007. He moved into an apartment 40 miles away that he had been secretly leasing for months (staying there when he was supposedly on duty). After two months, he begged me to go to counseling, so we did. But he never would move back home. He was more then eager to have sex, but he'd never spend a weekend with us. Finally after 4 months in marriage counseling, he admitted that he was seeing someone else (also in the military), and had been for almost a year. The counselor said we couldn't go any further until he made up his mind what he wanted. He continued to lie and change his mind about what he wanted for another two months, and then finally I caught him in a lie about his Memorial Day plans - he had told me he was going camping with some Army buddies, but in reality he had bought a plane ticket and was going to visit her (she was off at training somewhere). That was it...I'd finally had enough. We filed for divorce, but then he refused to sign the papers for 6 months because he couldn't decide "what he wanted".

First, as disclaimer: I know, from personal experience, that some members of our Armed Forces are fine, upstanding citizens who love their spouses and families and would never betray them. I am not knocking the military in any way, because while we were married they provided a lot for me, and still provide a lot for my son. But I've also seen firsthand and heard stories from my ex about the kinds of infidelity that go on, so it's not unheard of.

Secondly, and most importantly: DON'T LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU! I know the idea of being a young single mom is terrifying - I know, because I've been there. But no man who is worth his salt and who really cares about you at all would ever treat you this way, would ever subject you to these mind games and constant back-and-forth. You owe it to yourself and your child to walk away. It's not worth the heartache of trying to build a family (or simply the illusion of one) with someone who doesn't really want to be there. I'm not saying you need to completely write him out of your child's life; some other members have suggested getting an attorney, and I completely agree, especially if the military is involved. Schedule an appointment with JAG, or a civilian attorney who has experience in military family law.

I can also tell you this: I lived through it. My ex-husband is in Iraq right now, but he maintains contact with our son, even though his previous behavior prompted me to seek full custody, and he has not, at all times, paid his support or used his parenting time. But my son and I are happy. We're moving on. I have learned so much about what I want and what I deserve through all of this, and I have learned that God has given me what it takes to be a mother, with or without a partner, because He is with me. As it turns out, I am now dating a wonderful man who I met on eHarmony! He is everything I always wanted in a partner, and he also is divorced with a 4-year-old son, so our lives fit together so well.

My point is: there is life out there for you and your child. Stand up for yourself and your child and what is best for you. I know sometimes it's hard to walk away, but he doesn't love you. Someone out there will - someone who knows what love really is and what that means. Listen to "Stay" by Sugarland. Cry in your pillow and eat ice cream. But take care of yourself, for yourself and for your child. Do whatever you have to do to build a life. Maybe he'll decide to be a dad, and maybe he won't (please note - there is a huge difference between being a father and being a dad). But you are going to be a mother, no matter what happens. So make the best of it, because it is one of the most beautiful, difficult, amazing gifts that God gives to us as women. Believe me, you'll be amazed at the strength you will find within yourself as a woman.

Good luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
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zarina1405 is offline zarina1405 Post #28  August 29,2009, 4:19pm
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I understand how you are feeling. I was 2 months pregnant with our second child i also had a newborn that was 10 weeks old and i was married for 7 months when my husband went overseas for work and cheated on me with a prostitute and thought this was ok
Your emotions are running high as you are pregnant which doesnt help to deal with the emotional turmiol you are experiencing. You need a lot of support right now emotional, mentally and phsyically. If i could turn back time I would have done several things different. You need to cut all contact with him and focus on yourself and your needs. If he contacts you dont respond dont do anything. Once the baby is born if he chooses to want to see the baby then allow him to do so only with others present and when its convient for you and the baby.
He has his own emotional issues to deal with and you can prevent his from emotioanlly dumping on you and your unborn child. Create as much peace and support in your life and turn off and dont allow any negitivity to affect you. But not having any contact AT ALL allows everything with time to settle down and not exculate and continue. I wish you all the best
 
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