27 wks preggo and he leaves... but theres so much more PLEASE HELP


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faith22 is offline faith22 Post #11  August 17,2009, 10:49pm
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JasonX43 wrote :
He's playing mind games. I recommend chalking the $200 up as a lesson learned and severing all contact with this guy. If necessary, file a restraining order because he really doesn't love you! Love doesn't treat another person this way, especially not a beautiful woman that's about to bring the blessing of a child into this world!
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neardc is offline neardc Post #12  August 17,2009, 11:12pm
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EMTZ wrote :
And if you cannot afford an attorney, in some counties there are organizations that will provide free attorneys for those with low income. In Fairfax County in Virginia, for example, it is called Legal Aid.
There are indeed Legal Aid offices everywhere...

But, faith22, given that both you and your ex are enlisted, you should pursue the resources available to you through the military. I don't know where you are stationed, but there should be some sort of Legal Assistance Office on your base. Contact them ASAP if you haven't already to learn what your best options are for addressing these issues. Once there is an order for child support, it will be taken directly out of your ex's pay and provided to you so you will not have to worry about trying to get him to pay you what he owes.

Good for you, too, for starting to see a therapist to help you deal with this difficult situation. I hope that you also have some friends/family to whom you can turn for support.

I don't know if your ex is a bad person or just immature and irresponsible, or if he has some problem (e.g., a mental illness) that causes him to behave this way. I hope that he will eventually shape up and be serious about taking on the responsibility of being a parent. In the meantime, though, it's up to you to take the lead on making sure that your child gets all that he or she needs and deserves.

Best of luck to you...
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #13  August 17,2009, 11:55pm

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faith22 wrote :
I am 27 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend on two years left me two weeks ago while I was gone for military training. He left me for someone he had been keeping as a "friend" behind my back for a year. A week before I left he wanted to marry me. A month before that he wanted me to loan him some money so he could get our initials tattooed. Then I come back after he breaks up with me and he sleeps with me 2 times and then tells me to screw off he is in love with this new girl. Then he leaves for two weeks of military training. Calls me yesterday saying I bought the baby a onsie. Hadn't called me the whole time he was gone but sure did text every now and then. But now that he is back he is still hell bent on being with this new girl. I don't get it at all. We have broken up before but he or I have always come back to each other. But this time I just don't know if I can do it. I love him and want us to be a family. Who knows what will happen. Its like he says he doesn't want me and that he has been over me for a long time, but why the first thing he does is come home and read everything off of my facebook? And then he is suppose to pay me $200 I let him barrow but he says he will not pay me til I am acting civil? I told him Pay ME and I will leave you alone. And he won't. Its like he says hateful mean things but won't do the necessary thing to cut ties the way he says he wants to!!! HELP

Some men don't know a good woman when she is in his arms. When I was a 17 or 18 +and found out my girlfriend was pregnant, I moved Heaven and Earth to visit her. She had been staying at a relatives house. There was a large relative acting as a bodyguard there. He told me to leave. I risked getting into a losing fight just to say hello to her.

She was as crazy for me as I was for her. My best friend who was with me thought I was a wild lunatic. I never thought of cheating on her. Shame on this guy for not supporting you and being with you during this time.

Your baby will need a father. If this guy has any goodness in him, then do what is inside your heart and forget what everyone else is telling you. If you can stay friends, then that will be great for the baby. If not, I wish you all the best luck in getting better support.
 
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hammerit is offline hammerit Post #14  August 18,2009, 3:29am
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sounds like your in a situation well first of all remember the most important person here is that beautiful baby you have in your tummy!! sounds to me like this guy is a zero and is using u as a door mat .Put your foot down no money don't sleep with him or you will feel the way you do now all the time.If he left you for someone else and cheating on you that should tell you something about his true colours . If you take him back whats to stop him from doing this same thing in 6 months from now .Cut your loses dont worry about the money cause when your kid is born a JUdge will make him pay you . find someone else that will love you always and forever . good luck sweety Russ
 
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rekedevoate is offline rekedevoate Post #15  August 18,2009, 4:30am
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WOW! OMG! I very sorry to say that you are the panicle example of my thesis and that is, this world is ran and currently runs off of bull, because everyone wants to hear a sugar coated depiction of the "E True Hollywood Story!” The truth sucks! Why would you let someone walk all over you again and again? When we base important decisions off of emotions, we tent to make the most irrational decision. Your definition and comprehension of love has been obscured by either his looks, game (bs), money, or all the above!
 
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rekedevoate is offline rekedevoate Post #16  August 18,2009, 4:31am
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I know that we, as people yearn most for something which is unobtainable. And that is why I get more “Play” if I portray the stereotypical “Frat Boy." It’s funny how all the women in this world, that I seem to encounter, love the cocky, arrogant, punk A-double motorcycle rider over the honest, nerdy, thoughtful, kind person that I sometimes portray. Different face for a different place always! But good luck with that package that you will have to protect from this world! Remember, in the eyes of a respectable child toward their mother, mother will always be their deity! What’s your M.O.S. by the way? USAF 4 LIFE!!!
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #17  August 18,2009, 5:01am
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Forget the monty. Even if it's a financial hardship for you not to have it. It's a binding tiie that needs to be broken. The two of you were together for a while, so credit this as a final gift and keep going. You'll be all the more blessed for it.

You have a child to think of now, whether this guy chooses to be a part of the baby's life or not. In my opinion, too many woman think they have to have a relationship with the father of their children. What a misconcept. Other than being able to remain civil to each other, it's not a requirement that it goes any further. His relationship, should he form one, should be with his child. As long as he does right by his child, which from what was implied, is very questionable.

We can't change others. We shouldn't expect to, either. All that you can do is take care of your situation. You said you're moving on, and that sounds like a positive thing. But it also sounds like you haven't completely broken all the ties between the two of you. If you don't, it's easy to get sucked back into a bad situation.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #18  August 18,2009, 9:04am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
You can't MAKE someone love you or come back to you. Right now you need to look at the situation objectively and practically.

Your first responsibility is to the expected baby. See an attorney as soon as possible to find out what you need to do to establish paternity and child support from the start. You owe it to your baby to do this. Buying a onsie (which can be as cheap as $3) is no substitute for child support... make sure you get it.

While you're at it, ask the attorney for advice in getting your money back... a sternly worded letter from the attorney may do the trick, or tell him you'll take him to small claims court to get it. Or, decide it's not worth the hassle and write it off. In any case... NEVER loan him any money ever again, or any other guy you may ever date in the future. Guys who ask to borrow money from their girlfriends are losers!

Now... do you really want to be with (nevermind consider marrying) a guy who (1) abandons his pregnant girlfriend,
(2) keeps another girlfriend on the side for 1 of the 2 years you were dating,
(3) borrows money for tattoos (hardly a priority when a baby is on the way!!),
(4) tells you he doesn't want to be with you,
(5) is an unstable relationship to begin with (multiple break-ups and getting back together), and
(6) puts demands on your behavior before he'll pay you back money he admits he owes you????

Look at that list and tell me, would you advise your sister to stay with a man like that?

You need to talk to him, civilly, only when it is a matter that will concern your child. Do not go looking to pick fights with him or bring up anything not related to the one thing you are going to permanently have in common with this man, and that is raising your child.

I'm sorry you're getting so hurt in this mess.
I couldn't have said it better myself.
 
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Vonnie606 is offline Vonnie606 Post #19  August 18,2009, 9:20am
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Always remember that actions speak louder than words and it holds true in any situation in life. It doesn't matter what he's saying in the end, it's what he is doing.
And what is he doing? He's telling you he doesn't want to be w/you. Listen to him and take him at his word. You will save your self a lot of heartache in the long run because he will not stay with you even if he comes back. He comes back to you 'cause he's horny and you're available to him (harsh I know but true).It makes him feel good and feeds his ego to have you "beging" him to come back. Go to an attorney, setup child support, vistitaion and any other legal matter that applies, follow the guidelines and MOVE ON 'cause he already has. As you might be able to guess-I've been there and it didn't work. I could've saved myself alot of hurt if I "listened" to his actions instead of words. We were married 14 years but that just made it harder when he left for another woman (an ugly one @that!) Good luck to you and your baby!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #20  August 19,2009, 12:22am
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I know it sounds heartless to cut off a man with you are expecting a chile, but this guy is a sperm donor-not yet a man. There are many many women who have been in your position-we are the ones who get pregnant and thus are the nurturers of the children...though it seems over whelming now, just know that you WILL get thru this mess.

I had a child 45 years ago with a boyfriend who married another girl he was seeing at the same time-both of us were pregnant! She, however, was a minor and her parents threatened 'John' with charges if he didn't marry her. Back then, child support laws weren't ever enforced-I worked and raised my son, eventually got married and had other children.
The best thing I ever did was NOT marry the jerk who fathered my now 45 year old child. I worked-so can you! So do thousands of other women...it's just the way it is so often..be strong! You can do this!
Roxy
 
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