Spider is offline Spider Post #31  August 15,2009, 5:16am
Spider's Avatar

got 174 new students this year

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2007

Posts: 1,919

See profile

As far as the joint property thing - that would depend on the state, I think.

My hesitance would be directed at the "joint debt" situation. Are a spouse's debts incurred by him/her during the marriage considered the surviving spouse's responsibility? I wouldn't want my partner inundated by massive medical bills if I became ill, and then have no savings left to pay his own. Would I have to pay off his credit card bills if he died first? I certainly couldn't pay the rent or mortgage on my own(whether married or not), and would just move on to a more affordable place, but would his other debts follow me?

And do I really want to file joint tax returns? Ugh. I hate the whole money thing. I like being financially independent.
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #32  August 15,2009, 6:24am
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

You don't have to file joint tax returns. You can file jointly or separately, and go with whichever is most beneficial financially...

With respect to a deceased spouse's credit card debts and such, those would generally be settled out of his/her estate before the proceeds were distributed to heirs (state laws vary on the details). Of course, if both names are on the account, then the surviving spouse would then be liable. With respect to medical expenses, your spouse shouldn't be liable for them unless he previously agreed to cover them (e.g., signed something at the hospital).
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #33  August 16,2009, 3:55pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,684

See profile

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
No, because once you are married, what you accumulate is JOINT property. By law and by fairness. If one spouse stayed home to raise kids while the other worked, what that partnership accumulates is shared property even though only one of them "earned" it. It is well documented that men who have stay at home wives earn more than those who don't, so clearly the "working" spouse benefits from the other's presence at home.

Not twice as much!
[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #34  August 16,2009, 10:51pm
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

If you are barely covering your survival needs, chances are in a divorce you would come out AHEAD unless your spouse also is just barely covering survival needs with her income. At least that was the case with my ex-husband! I assumed all our joint debts, cut him a sizable check, and paid him child support when we divorced even though I had the kids more than half of the time in our joint custody.

If you start off getting married with nothing, you purchase a house together and start raising children together.... those were JOINT decisions, the assets are joint property, and the children must be supported by BOTH of you. Those are YOUR choices as well as your spouse's. Would your morality also have you (in the event of a divorce) refuse to financially support your children, or to take the entire equity in a house that was JOINT property?

On a personal level, at the large corporation where I work EVERY person in management at a director level and above is male and married. Right now I am dealing with a boss who has expressed a PERCEIVED (not actual) concern that I am not able to perform my job as well as the other managers because of how I schedule my work travel around my kids' school breaks. This is an issue that no other manager I work with has to deal with because they have a spouse at home to pick up the slack when they travel (and as a matter of fact all the managers schedule their work travel around things in their personal life, like coaching sports teams, yet their travel schedules are not being questioned like mine). I have been asked more than once if I might want to consider a different job in our dept that does not require travel... and also coincidentally pays less! At the end of the year when raises and bonuses are determined, I know for a fact that these married male coworkers are getting bigger raises and bonuses than I am, even though my actual work results are superior. So I completely disagree with your second paragraph D_Lion.
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #35  August 16,2009, 11:46pm
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

[quote=D_Lion;712253] People with income in excess of survival can indulge personal values, including generosity toward non-working spouses, children, or dissolved family.


[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #36  August 17,2009, 3:00pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,684

See profile

This is a core reason not to marry.
[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #37  August 17,2009, 4:08pm
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

You know, prenuptual agreements cover exactly what you're afraid of. Lay out your financial terms of marriage. If the woman you love agrees to them, great. If not, stay single... but know you're paying a price for that choice.

And, no, I do NOT feel I was unusually generous to my exhusband. I did what was fair and right. I do not feel your "morals" regarding finances are superior to mine.

A core of marriage is that you work jointly toward shared dreams and goals. One partner may earn more $$-wise, while the other contributes in other ways. I made more in salary, my ex-husband did home repairs and home improvements. I took our kids to the doctor, he read them bedtime stories. I paid the bills, he organized our home office. But we certainly didn't assign dollar values to these tasks to make sure our ledger balanced out! You just do what needs to be done, for the common good of your union, and you do it without thought of your wallet. The Almighty Dollar should not rule any marriage.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #38  August 17,2009, 4:24pm
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
Would you consider it a just outcome if you were forced to support him, and that support meant that you had to downgrade your housing and mode of living?
I am actually surprised he didn't ask for more than he got. We split everything 50/50. I think if he had asked for alimony or for me to pay for his graduate schooling, a judge may have very likely granted that to him.

I would have grumbled a bit, but I definitely would have paid it. It still would have been a just outcome.

And yes, I had an extremely tight budget after our divorce... you could say I had to "downgrade my mode of living" a bit. But you know, two cannot live as cheaply apart as they do together... that's just simple economics. He downgraded his "mode of living," too. He lived in a small apartment and worked more than one job to make ends meet.

If you got married and bought a more expensive home based on your combined incomes, of course you'd have to scale back and possibly sell it if you split up. Fortunately, my income allowed me to refinance my house (to cash him out and get his name off the mortgage), so I was able to stay in the house. But I drove a 12 year old car, deferred some maintenance on the house, and my kids wore mostly clothes from garage sales for several years until I could catch up.

In the end, after 19 years of marriage, we were BOTH better off financially due to the joint efforts that occured while we were married. I have to point out that marriage also provides a safety net for both spouses in the event of job loss. If you're both working (even if one earns more), the consequences are less dire when one loses their job than if you are single and self supporting and lose your job. At least in marriage, there is still some income coming in and you likely will not starve. It is a rare job that does not have some risk of getting laid off at some point in your career.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #39  August 17,2009, 5:05pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,684

See profile

[FONT=Arial]I completely agree with your points when there are two (reasonably equal) incomes.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Do Something Good for your Relationship (and the World) | Relationships | Her or me?? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Are there actually living people behind the profiles? tom1385 Using eHarmony 37 July 2,2010 3:03pm
Where do the International people go in 'DC? healthb Washington DC metro area 0 July 13,2009 1:02pm
Do people actually get dates with strangers? stevex Dating 42 July 11,2009 8:23pm
Younger people less likely to respond? dool889 Using eHarmony 4 May 27,2009 8:39pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:22pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0