Need advice on boyfriend, friends and money


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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #21  August 12,2009, 5:28pm
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LadyJae99 wrote :
So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. He has a close female friend who often invites us to various events. I've attended a few, and I like her but I can't stand a lot of her friends. I think they're stuck up and rude and not very friendly.

She recently bought a new condo and is having a house warming party. I told my boyfriend I have no intention of attending, but he should go without me. He met her in a business context and I know he needs to maintain the relationship and to develop relationships with her friends to advance his business.

Also, he and I have been having financial issues recently. This friend of his seems to be doing pretty well financially and has expensive tastes. My boyfriend always buys her very nice gifts or gives her cash every time her birthday or Christmas comes around. I can admit that I do feel like he buys her nicer things than he buys for me. I suggested to him that he maybe shouldn't spend a lot of money on a house-warming gift, but he feels that he can't go empty-handed or buy her an inexpensive gift. I guess it has something to do with maintaining a certain image.

So am I wrong for refusing to attend the party? And should I have said anything about how much money he spends on her?
* As far as the gift giving is concerned...I would be more concerned about if those gifts had any hints of intimacy rather than monetary value.Business is business. Sometimes you got to spend a little to get good returns...this would be contacts who can help his business grow. What do you get the friend who has everything? Usually cash. They have particular tastes about what they want and a bad gift leaves an unpleasant impression behind.

* As far as attending the party...well that reminds me of a good childhood memory. Kids fighting in the car about why they have to go visit so and so...there's no kids there...it's boring....same answer every time..."We are a family and you better put on a good face when we reach their door" The family that prays and plays together...stays together. So the question is...how important is this relationship to you?
If the relationship is that valuable to you, then support your man. You never know what kind of effect you may have on these people (maybe some of those good ideals will rub off on them) and thank God that they are not your relatives...that's a harder pill to swallow. Guess what? He has to reciprocate as well....relationships are a two way street.

* Sounds like the concern that I am picking up in this thread is that maybe your S.O. is dragging you into a lifestyle you don't care to be a part of. That is something very significant to talk about. Now we are going into the area of shared values and things that can potentially change your whole world together...have to put down that foundation from the get go or that house (relationship) is going to crumble.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #22  August 12,2009, 6:17pm
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What I wonder about this is if your boyfriend is right in describing reality, or merely his (erroneous) perception of reality?
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Last edited by D_Lion; August 12,2009 at 6:27pm.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #23  August 12,2009, 10:09pm
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you know, ambitious people will spend rather lavishly regarding those they want to impress and be skin flinty at home. it's predicated on who's with me and who's not.
 
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