I need some help - pleaseee .


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
mrzxlala is offline mrzxlala Post #1  August 11,2009, 7:28pm
mrzxlala's Avatar

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

Okay , so me and my boyfriend have been datinq for four months , & suddenly my ex decides he wanna qet back toqether after a year . ( long story short he went away & we had to break up ) but now hes back & wants to qet back toqether & i kinda had feelinqs for him too . Now me & my boyfriend had a qood thinq qoinq & i didnt want to ruin that , but I told him the truth ( that I kinda had feelinqs for my ex ) so first we went on ' pause ' then I broke up with him cuhs it wasnt fair to be with him & seeinq how thinqs worked with my ex . But that same niqht I broke up with him ; I told him i didnt want to break up fareal , I just needed time to think about thinqs & i didnt want to lose him , he called me riqht after I texted him that & asked ' so you just need time ? ' & I said yes . & he said alriqht well call me if you need anythinq . Well NOW , we chilled the other day , cuhs we were SUPPOSED to qet back toqether , but he wanna be juhs friends . Apparently he thinks it would be ' too weird if we went out aqain ' . I juhs dont understand how you stop likinq someone youve been datinq for four months , after two weeks of a break . I tried talkinq to him last niqht , but I kept cryinq so it was basically my cousin talkinq to him , & I really miss him , i mean its only been two days but I honestly dont know what to do , my cousin said I need to call him & talk aqain . but i dont wanna keep buqqinq him ya know ? I dont wanna seem desperate . & I know I did him wronq with the whole ex shxt , but everyone makes mistakes . uqh i dont know .. what do you qurls think ?
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  August 12,2009, 7:32am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,209

See profile

I think that after four months of dating he had feelings for you and when you broke up with/asked for a break from the relationship you hurt those feelings. Now he simply can't trust you again and maybe with time he'll come around and maybe not. I think you should give him a few days to think about things and then try talking to him again but don't hold your breath that he'll come running back. Trust is a very hard thing to reinstate once broken.
 
  Reply With Quote
dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #3  August 12,2009, 2:23pm
dietpepsi's Avatar

is happy.

Pacesetter

Joined: Jun 2009

Posts: 295

See profile

Agree with Dancing Fool.

I onced dated this phenomenal guy that I loved for many many years. We were very different, so at about 4 months I told him that he should consider seeing other people. I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, but I was young and stupid and had no clue why I suggested that.

That broke his heart. And nothing I did after that mattered.

Men are simple creatures. When they get rejected, they fall out of love very quickly. And it's never the same again.
 
  Reply With Quote
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  August 12,2009, 2:36pm
brneyedangel's Avatar

would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: May 2009

northeast Ohio

Posts: 4,590

See profile

Anyone could develop feelings after four months. In all honesty, when you told him about your ex, you violated his trust. Anyone would feel this way. You broke up with him, and that was that. Now all of a sudden you want to get back together with him.

Relationships that are going to last have to be built on trust. Once you violate that trust, whether you realize you've done it or not, and whether you regret it or not, it's very difficult to get that trust back to where it was.

If I was in his shoes and a guy did this to me, I'd probably feel the same way. You don't seem to know what you want. First you are with him, then the ex comes back and you say you have feelings for him, then you break up with him, but you really don't want to break up with him, then you need time, then you want to get back together. It's too big of a risk to put himself out there for you again because you can't make up your mind. It's not just one mistake here--you dumped him for another guy from your past, and he doesn't trust you.

Give him time. If he gives you a second chance, count yourself lucky. But if he gives you this chance, you'd better be sure of what you want. He's not a toy; he's a person and he has feelings. Make sure that this is a relationship you aren't going to disappear from as soon as something better comes along, because if you're going to, there's just no point in being with him, and you might as well just let him go.
 
  Reply With Quote
angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #5  August 12,2009, 3:12pm
angelofmerci's Avatar

loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,302

See profile

You could not have killed a relationship any better if you had tried. Regardless of why you still had feelings for your ex he was just that your ex and things should have been left that way. Telling your boyfriend you needed a break to get your head together due to your ex coming back on the scene was definitely a big No-No. I would be really surprised if he changed his mind about you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  August 12,2009, 3:44pm
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,386

See profile

dietpepsi wrote :
Agree with Dancing Fool.

I onced dated this phenomenal guy that I loved for many many years. We were very different, so at about 4 months I told him that he should consider seeing other people. I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, but I was young and stupid and had no clue why I suggested that.

That broke his heart. And nothing I did after that mattered.

Men are simple creatures. When they get rejected, they fall out of love very quickly. And it's never the same again.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that, dietpepsi.

And yeah, I'd have to agree, that when we get rejected, we fall out of love very quickly.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #7  August 12,2009, 4:59pm
Mainah64's Avatar

is taking his mini van to the dragstrip in the spring - aiming for mid 15's

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

South western Maine

Posts: 717

See profile

You were being very selfish, hurt him, and now are paying the price - hopefully lesson learned. It really is too bad that you are hurting and I know that you will feel better in a while.

Time to move on.
 
  Reply With Quote
shrek99352 is offline shrek99352 Post #8  August 12,2009, 7:03pm
shrek99352's Avatar

is ready to start looking for local friends...

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2008

Tri-Cities, Wa

Posts: 88

See profile

Well, speaking from my own personal experience on this issue...

I have to agree with the fact that you violated his trust in you. When I went through this with my recent ex, that was one of the issues that came into being. I don't trust her with her ex, nor any other guy right now.

I loved her for a total of about 2 of the 4 years that we have been together, and we dated on and off for those 2 years. You can't expect that he will take you back in a heartbeat after you broke his heart.

That being said, I am dealing with my own Fiasco and know that I would not take my ex back because she did the same thing to me.

If you love someone enough that you are willing to make a commitment to them, then you need to stick to your commitment, and not even question going back to your ex because you are putting your current on the back burner and believe me, that hurts more than breaking up because of some other reason.

Sorry to be blunt but it's the truth.
 
  Reply With Quote
CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #9  August 12,2009, 7:15pm
CreolePrinces…'s Avatar

It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

The Dirty South

Posts: 2,575

See profile

mrzxlala wrote :
I juhs dont understand how you stop likinq someone youve been datinq for four months , after two weeks of a break .
It's a matter of trust. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like you broke the trust the two of you had developed over four months, and now you'll have to build it back. You may never get it back. Think of it this way. Say you have a couple who have been together 20 years, and a partner cheats at an office Christmas party after having one too many drinks and not thinking clearly. A single act could break all the trust that has been built over 20 years and destroy a good marriage.
 
  Reply With Quote
shrek99352 is offline shrek99352 Post #10  August 12,2009, 7:25pm
shrek99352's Avatar

is ready to start looking for local friends...

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2008

Tri-Cities, Wa

Posts: 88

See profile

dietpepsi wrote :
Agree with Dancing Fool.

I onced dated this phenomenal guy that I loved for many many years. We were very different, so at about 4 months I told him that he should consider seeing other people. I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, but I was young and stupid and had no clue why I suggested that.

That broke his heart. And nothing I did after that mattered.

Men are simple creatures. When they get rejected, they fall out of love very quickly. And it's never the same again.
Wait, men are simple creatures. When they get rejected, they fall out of love quickly? That is probably the most asinine thing I have ever heard anyone say. Just because you say they got hurt, you can not say that every guy in this world is that way and that they will fall out of love.

I may not be perfect by any means, but that comment is purely irritating and ignorant.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« THE DISAPPEARING ACT! | Relationships | When She holds the cards »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:24am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0