What to do when your guy/girl is always sick?


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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #11  August 11,2009, 4:09pm
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beentherehavetee wrote :
Yes. Everyone has health issues, I know, but the concern is that these issues were never made known to me until...now that the situation is critical. So how am I the selfish one? I believe the "in sickness and in health till death" part comes with marriage. We are both single adults. If I am to make a life with this person, don't you think serious health issues need to be made known prior?

But thanks for your input.
Prior to what? You say you are not married.

You have not been very detailed in what the issue is, but now you say the situation is critical. I don't know what that means. Is this life and death illness?

You are one year into the relationship, and you have just learned of something that has been hidden? I thought you said there has been illness over the entire time, so I am confused if you hadn't noticed any illness in the past year.

If you don't feel that you care enough about this man to be supportive during her illness, I said to bail now. I think you owe that to yourself. I think your suggestion that a person should disclose their entire life (warts and all) before a partner is emotionally invested to avoid the other person "the grief" is selfish (or maybe extremely unsympathetic sounding) since it is far worse to be the sick one who is rejected for it, and I'll tell you why...

I think that it is a fair expectation for trust to be established in a relationship between two people before everything personal is shared. Maybe he has only come to the point recently where he could trust you to share this information.
Last edited by MelinCali; August 11,2009 at 7:24pm. Reason: gender switch--thought OP was a man (oops!)
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #12  August 11,2009, 4:13pm
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[quote=[COLOR=blue]beentherehavetee[/COLOR];707571]




Did you have that avatar when I first posted?Because I usually try to stay out of threads with the same avatar, so as not to confuse things.

And now that we're sitting right next to each other, it just looks a little weird!
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #13  August 11,2009, 4:33pm
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[quote=j0hn8andy;707634]
[COLOR=blue wrote :
beentherehavetee[/color];707571]




Did you have that avatar when I first posted?Because I usually try to stay out of threads with the same avatar, so as not to confuse things.

And now that we're sitting right next to each other, it just looks a little weird!

I saw this one and I liked it, so I picked it. Sorry. I guess we both love the beach! I don't know who has what avatar...I'm just trying to get some help for my little situation. I've been more of a reader than a poster.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #14  August 11,2009, 4:38pm
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Then again, I've found eHA in that time, which probably only served to exacerbate my conditions, so what do I know?

I take no responsibility for conditions of the heart.
 
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funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #15  August 11,2009, 4:49pm
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Interesting topic... I have to first clarify that I view illness in a whole different light than most people do. From my perspective, each symptom of the body expresses a problem deep within the person's soul. Each time we get sick, we're giving ourselves a chance to learn about whatever the inner issue might be. Yep, even when it's a virus or bacteria that we contract. And yes, sometimes we get it, and sometimes we don't, so there can be threads of symptoms in our lives!! All this thanks to a small but great book called "The Healing Power of Illness" (look it up on Amazon, you might be surprised -- it definitely changed my life).

That said, if I really, really, really love a guy (and a relationship after one year, to me, wouldn't happen unless I really, really, really loved the guy) then I wouldn't feel right leaving him because of an illness. Basically this is something that this person has chosen (yeah, I know, I'm weird) to express in their bodies so they could learn an important life lesson. So in my skewed little planet, this would be a chance for me to stand strongly by them and support them as they heal. I can't think of anything more rewarding that watching someone you love heal themselves.

Of course, Frog is right: if the symptoms are giving you the creeps, then run for the hills! No need to waste both people's time if the situation is a deal-breaker.

Something to ponder: has it crossed the OP's mind that perhaps the reason this issue was NOT brought up until now is to SPARE them of grief???? Hmmm......... I wonder......

Peace out!

Me
 
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funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #16  August 11,2009, 4:51pm
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Eek... double post for me too! The system is kind of funky today!!

Me
Last edited by funnyengineergal; August 11,2009 at 4:54pm. Reason: Slooooooow system!
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #17  August 11,2009, 4:52pm
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Had you met in person before getting this information ?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #18  August 11,2009, 4:55pm
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I don't understand... has your love interest "always" been sick this past year or are these ailments just now coming to light?

What is "major" enough to be a dealbreaker for you? Back problems? Diabetes? Irritable Bowl Syndrome? A bad knee? Osteoporosis? A hearing problem? A family history of cancer? Arthritis? Acid reflux or ulcer? A bunion?

The person only needs to tell you about it when it becomes relevant to something you want to do (like declining to go to a concert due to hearing loss, or declining to go on a hike due to a bad knee). Or, the person can disclose these things to you when they feel comfortable enough with you that they can trust you with the information and hope you won't reject them for it.

Is it wrong and selfish of you to want to bail? Wrong? Probably not if this is a dealbreaker for you. Selfish? Quite probably, and you'd better hope that whoever you end up with in the future doesn't bail when you come up with some ailment.
 
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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #19  August 11,2009, 5:03pm
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First, to the poster with the heart virus, I don't know which strain but there is at least one which is lethal. There was a 17 year old in perfect health who contracted this virus and died from it. So glad to hear you are on the mend!

I have to add that I also reserve an opinion on this because there just isn't enough information provided. Also, to hear it from the other person's point of view would be enlightening as well. There are too many 's.

Regardless, hope you find happiness wherever that may lie.
 
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beentherehavetee is offline beentherehavetee Post #20  August 11,2009, 5:18pm
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hazmat wrote :
Had you met in person before getting this information ?
Yes. We're been dating about a year or so.

One illness I knew of- has to do with a vital organ....this will require surgery. Then another another illness surfaced this weekend which requires surgery which the person had before we met. He never told me about this one. Then another ongoing illness- that one is not a deal breaker- but requiring constant medication.

I am not saying that these conditions are dealbreakers, (although I suspect it will affect our level of intimacy- as it probably already is) but in seeking a life partner, do you sign up for an obvious lifetime of illness and surgery and medical bills too? I know we don't know the future. I, too, may fall ill, but if I were to meet someone and pursuing a serious relationship, some of this stuff I'd let the person know.

Why withhold this information?
 
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