Advice: I met a great guy who happens to be a SEX offender


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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #21  August 12,2009, 12:00am
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j0hn8andy wrote :
test
Are we now allowed to post less than 10 characters?
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #22  August 12,2009, 2:48am

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IcecreamMoon wrote :
No offense, but have you considered some anger management therapy? You almost sound violent in some of your posts. Really.

Lol no offense taken. I have extra energy towards a few subjects that some people are helping me on. Offline I'm the most gentle man a woman could meet. Really. No offense, but you sound angry and hateful towards men sometimes. Have you considered therapy?
 
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rocchio is offline rocchio Post #23  August 12,2009, 3:25am
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I think we need to make the distinction between "sex offender" and "pedophile." Sex offender is a rather broad term and, unlike "pedophile" requires more, and specific, information regarding the offense. Recently, for example, various prosecutors around the country have been trying tp prosecute high school boys with such charges as "distribution of child porn" (certainly a "sex offense") for the sending of inapropriate pictures of classmates to each other on their cell phones. Or, as one poster mentioned, in could be a statutory offense that happened years earlier under vague or complicated conditions. Understandably, since pedophilia is such a heinous and grave crime, we tend to act emotionally and make swift judgments surrounding any crime that can be grouped under the very ambiguous heading of "sex offense."
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #24  August 12,2009, 4:51am
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roguewolf1 wrote :
No offense, but you sound angry and hateful towards men sometimes. Have you considered therapy?
No offense taken. But if I do sound angry and hateful towards men, it only happened during the last couple of months. I used to be men's biggest fan before that. Do you think it's just a coincidence that a couple of months I joined eHA and have made a quick progression to Virtuoso since then?
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #25  August 12,2009, 5:04am
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rocchio wrote :
I think we need to make the distinction between "sex offender" and "pedophile." Sex offender is a rather broad term and, unlike "pedophile" requires more, and specific, information regarding the offense. Recently, for example, various prosecutors around the country have been trying tp prosecute high school boys with such charges as "distribution of child porn" (certainly a "sex offense") for the sending of inapropriate pictures of classmates to each other on their cell phones. Or, as one poster mentioned, in could be a statutory offense that happened years earlier under vague or complicated conditions. Understandably, since pedophilia is such a heinous and grave crime, we tend to act emotionally and make swift judgments surrounding any crime that can be grouped under the very ambiguous heading of "sex offense."
I'd say a differentiation needs to be made based on motive and consent, and I believe that criminal law systems of most countries in the world do that. I believe that a 15 or 16-year old having consensual sex may need to be reprimanded, but not labeled as a sex offender.

Distributing child porn (if that's what it was) is not much better than committing the act, as far as I'm concerned. Those boys should be prosecuted and punished severely, if you ask me. but maybe not labeled as sex offenders for the rest of their lives without being given a chance to rehabilitate, I agree.

But as far as the perpetrators of physical acts of sex crime are concerned - offending an adult is an abhorrent offense and I have nothing to say in their defense unless they are suffering from a psychiatric illness - even more reasons to be confined and treated. It's just that offending a child is even more sick!
 
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rocchio is offline rocchio Post #26  August 12,2009, 5:48am
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I think you might have misunderstood me regarding the high schoolers. We have had some cases recently in which the boys were simply forwarding nude pics of female classmates to their buddies. The boys need to be reprimanded but no more than that. What 16 year old boy whn sent a naked pic is not going to forward it to at least one of his friends? It amounts to boyhood shananigens, not child porn, imho.

As far as true peds and child porn distributors go, I could plant one in the back of their heads, kick them in a ditch, (I'm quite serious here) and go make myself a grilled cheese sandwhich. I'd have no remorse, just indifference.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #27  August 12,2009, 4:19pm
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Most people think when they hear the term "sex offender" as child molesters or rapist. Unfortunately this term is being applied to other people who are not rapist or child molesters such as the statutory rapist, the peeping tom, the poor guy/girl that just could not find a public restroom and got caught with their pants down as well as flashers and those who downloaded child pornography. With the advent of the cell phone we are hearing about cases of where young people, those under 18 taking pictures of themselves nude then sending them to their boyfriends or girlfriends. The minute the receiving party downloads that picture they are guilty of possession of child pornography. If these young people are discovered and charged then they are labelled sex offenders for life.

Moral of this post, make sure what you are talking about first. That young girl who is sending that sex text could be your daughter or niece. Do you want her labelled for life as a sex offender?
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #28  August 12,2009, 8:51pm
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Just to play devil's advocate but has anyone seen the movie The Woodsman? This discussion reminded me of that movie.

Before I say anything else I'm in no way condoning sexual offense. I do agree that there's a difference in offenses, though. You can be a registered sex offender for getting caught streaking. Yeah, it may be a little weird. But I don't think it's nearly the same level as, say, child abuse. So I suppose the actual violation and situation may change a person's opinion. A streaker is probably not going to do serious sexual offenses. They may skinny dip in your pool, though .

But as for why I bring up that movie it brings up almost exactly this scenario. Granted it's a work of fiction. It brings up the question, however...can someone who does something horrible reform? American History X brings up this same question in the perspective of racial violence instead of sexual abuse. Many people are never going to reform. But some do. Is it that easy for us to judge whether or not someone should be given a second chance?

I don't really have an answer. A large part of me wants to say "They had their chance!" and leave it at that. Lock 'em up and throw away the key. But this nagging voice thinks about people like my cousin who was arrested for drug dealing and now works at a massage parlor and has done a lot to turn his life around. Sure, he made some bad decisions. At what point does someone become hopeless? At what point do we say they can't have another chance? Should I just say that my cousin will always be a criminal?

Yes, you can argue there's a difference between what he did and a child abuser and I'd agree completely. It's just that I personally have difficulty judging people without knowing the full details and even then I hesitate.

Just something to think about. Or not. Call me pro-sex pervert if you want . It is my personal opinion that I can judge actions but not people. I know it's a fine line and in many ways it may seem unimportant, especially in the context of something as horrible as sexual crimes. But that line makes a difference to me.

My mother is fond of quoting St Thomas Aquinas when he said "Justice without mercy is cruelty, mercy without justice goes to waste."

Jacquesne
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #29  August 13,2009, 5:02am
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I think sometimes we're quick to write people off before asking the appropriate questions. I've seen it a number of times on these boards. "I've found Fact X and so I'm closing/dumping/moving on." Yes, but did you ever think to just ask him about it?

I know more than a few men that have domestic violence charges filed against them. In general, it's a charge you really can't disprove. But in the men I have known (NOT saying all or even most), it was more self defense than aggression - an abusive woman, and he tries to defend himself, but she calls the cops to teach him a lesson. Someone looking at their record would assume the worst, when the reality was that they had been the one being abused.

(Please don't think I'm saying domestic violence against women doesn't happen. I know for a fact it does, more than most people would think.)

As the victim of a false sexual harassment complaint myself, I know from personal experience that it's almost impossible to prove it didn't happen. It's also one area where you tend to be guilty until proven innocent. Also, my 2nd husband was accused of child molestation when he worked with teenage girls. Unfortunately, even after witnesses said she had confessed it was a lie because he wouldn't fool around with her, he still had to go through a lengthy trial, during which he obviously couldn't work.

I agree there is a difference between being classified as a sex offender and being a pedophile or other type of deviate. But I would want to see the court papers to get the real story. If the guy is living life above board, which he should be, he shouldn't have a problem with that. If he won't or if he did something truly wrong, I can't be around him. I don't think it's something you can really change.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #30  August 13,2009, 6:15am
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KungFuFtr wrote :
Alright, the title of this thread isn't true.
The irritating factor is apparently the mother knew the boyfriend had been accused of this at some time during his past. Yet, she gets involved with the guy and leaves him unsupervised with her child? I don't understand how anyone could leave their own child with a suspected sex offender be it boyfriend, family member or clergy.
Would you give a "reformed" sex offender your forgiveness and love by dating him/her?
From someone who this happened to several times as an older child - NO!!!

My mum's partner wasn't an official sex offender but nonetheless he did stuff I don't want to get into. Tried to tell my mum but she just looked at me with tears in her eyes and did nothing about it. I don't understand women like that, it's something you'll never forget.
 
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