Fitting in with the Family


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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #1  August 10,2009, 3:34pm
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I met someone - not on this site or on the eHarmony site, but somewhere else. I have my doubts about the relationship for a few reasons.

He lives in London and I live in Edmonton (Canada). We email each other, chat and text message each other, and phone each other. I haven't been able to get much information out of him except that he was trained as a civil engineer in Spain. He doesn't speak English well so I'm trying to make allowances for the language barrier, but I should have been able to get more information out of him than I have.

The major problem I have is "will he fit in with my family"? I've got about 250 relatives whom I love to bits despite some of their faults. Most of the time they act reasonably normally, but there are times when I'd like to send them all to outer space and leave them there. If I ever do marry - it's a big IF at this point - I need a man who will be able to tell my relatives politely but firmly where to get off the train if that's what they need to hear.

This guy seems to be a nice guy on the face of things, but I don't think he'll be able to deal with my family.

There are a whole host of issues here besides fitting into my family that make me wary of the relationship and of getting married to him.

How do I tell him that I don't want to get married to him without antagonizing him or hurting his feelings?
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 10,2009, 4:07pm
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"How do I tell him that I don't want to get married to him without antagonizing him or hurting his feelings?"

Have you met this guy in person?? Is there some expectation at any point that you two are supposed get married? You never said he asked you to marry him so why would this question even come to your mind? Regardless, if you have doubts, you have doubts. The details of the doubts are irrelevant. You're more worried about his feelings is nice and all but marrying someone you don't want to marry is way more painful!!
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  August 10,2009, 4:07pm
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"How do I tell him that I don't want to get married to him without antagonizing him or hurting his feelings?"

Have you met this guy in person?? Is there some expectation at any point that you two are supposed get married? You never said he asked you to marry him so why would this question even come to your mind? Regardless, if you have doubts, you have doubts. The details of the doubts are irrelevant. You're more worried about his feelings is nice and all but marrying someone you don't want to marry is way more painful!!
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #4  August 10,2009, 6:30pm
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nancymargritangelita wrote :
How do I tell him that I don't want to get married to him without antagonizing him or hurting his feelings?
Have you met this man in person, or is this strictly a cyper-techno romance?

And if you have met each other nose-to-nose, I haven't read anything your post that reveals that either one of you is ready for marriage. Did you forget to post the the positives? Because you listed the negatives: There's a language problem; there's a living in two different countries problem; there's a lack of personal information problem; there's a possible getting-the-relatives-told-off problem.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  August 10,2009, 6:50pm
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You barely know this man and your concern is how he will fit into your family?

My guess is that he won't get along equally well with all of the 250 family members - just a wild guess, of course. You'll never know until you've had a chance to introduce him to all of them, which might take a few years.

That said, my primary concern at this stage would be finding out how well he fits in with you personally...
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  August 10,2009, 8:54pm
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[quote=nancymargritangelita;706375]

How do I tell him that I don't want to get married to him without antagonizing him or hurting his feelings?




Oh, for Heaven's sakes! I can't even take that seriously!
 
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SavannahGal is offline SavannahGal Post #7  August 10,2009, 9:02pm
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If you were meant to be married, meaning that you've reached the point in a relationship of mutual love, respect and understanding that will last a lifetime, how he would fit into your family would not even factor into the equation. If you are not thinking that you couldn't possibly imagine your life without this man it and you have no doubt about it, the idea of marriage shouldn't even be crossing your mind. It's either way too soon or way too wrong of a fit.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  August 10,2009, 9:09pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
Oh, for Heaven's sakes! I can't even take that seriously!
You think you are the only one?
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  August 10,2009, 9:26pm

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Your mind set is very illogical, it's not his place to deal with your relatives they would never forgive "The Foreigner". Their your relatives so you would have to deal with them. The concerns that you express are also illogical. At this point you are just friends and nothing more. You could have a background check done on him? If I were you I would continue my search to find an equal life partner. There is nothing in your post covering mutual love and affection or mutual concern.........FORGET ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harvey7.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #10  August 11,2009, 4:53am
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nancymargritangelita wrote :
I met someone - not on this site or on the eHarmony site, but somewhere else. I have my doubts about the relationship for a few reasons.

He lives in London and I live in Edmonton (Canada). We email each other, chat and text message each other, and phone each other. I haven't been able to get much information out of him except that he was trained as a civil engineer in Spain. He doesn't speak English well so I'm trying to make allowances for the language barrier, but I should have been able to get more information out of him than I have.

The major problem I have is "will he fit in with my family"? I've got about 250 relatives whom I love to bits despite some of their faults. Most of the time they act reasonably normally, but there are times when I'd like to send them all to outer space and leave them there. If I ever do marry - it's a big IF at this point - I need a man who will be able to tell my relatives politely but firmly where to get off the train if that's what they need to hear.

This guy seems to be a nice guy on the face of things, but I don't think he'll be able to deal with my family.

There are a whole host of issues here besides fitting into my family that make me wary of the relationship and of getting married to him.

How do I tell him that I don't want to get married to him without antagonizing him or hurting his feelings?
Yes, most people from the London area are unable to speak proper English. "I'd like a glass of wauughtaaa for me dauuughtaa". This red flag is undyeable.
 
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