juliette09 is offline juliette09 Post #1  August 9,2009, 9:33am
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It's going on two years this month. No, not solid-I called it off in the beginning of this year because I'm feeling the way I do right now! WE have a great time, we text expressing the fun we had& Bam!!! So far over a week has passed and no freakin' contact. I ask how things are, no response. I text a well...the next day,I get an I've been busy, call you tomorrow-no call. I simply text, you're in trouble-no response.
Looking on the outside, the answer may seem obvious-we really do have a great time together. I'm wined,dined, and he has spent $ on nice gifts for me-b-bay&x-mas. I give him his space..is it too much? Do I tighten my belt and call? Don't want to seem needy nor pushy. He is my boyfriend. I've read and read various advice. Finally became a member to get input. Theres so much more to it but; this is the just of it. Just? How ironic, he's an attorney.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #2  August 9,2009, 10:03am
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He's your boyfriend? Maybe in your mind. Someone who doesn't give you the benefit of timely communcations isn't your boyfriend. Dump him. Wining and dining and spending money on gifts for you was his way of purchasing you. You allowed it and he'll continue to lease you on his terms until you stop allowing him access. Very simple actually. I hope you find strength in ending the relationship for good right now.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #3  August 9,2009, 10:37am
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I had a BF (dated for 18 months, talked of marriage) who would occasionally do the cave-dwelling thing on me... No communication via phone, e-mail, etc. At the time I'd try to figure out how to make him come around and I'd be very distraught. Now I see it as very rude behavior, and manipulative. If another guy ever pulls that on me I'll be gone the first time. I don't need that in my life.

If you want a rude and manipulative guy in your life, keep pursing him. If not, take his cue and cut off communication for good this time and move on.

Endings can svck, but sometimes they're fate's way of telling us we can do better.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #4  August 9,2009, 10:43am
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Yeah, I've been here before. It's been awhile since I thought about that, too.

Gifts are nice, aren't they? So is the wining and the dining. But put that all to the side for a minute. What else is there? It doesn't sound like there's much....

Sure, it's nice when people treat us nice and get us nice things, but when this is the only thing they do, they're doing nothing but buying your love. Is your love for sale? I decided mine was not, nor was the rest of me, and I ended my relationship that resembled what you've described here.

You say there are other things. This leads me to believe that this is not the only thing you are unhappy about. If you find more that makes you unhappy than happy, then I think you need to seriously consider why you are in the relationship. After two years, you deserve so much more than this. But, then again, you've allowed this to go on (just as I did), so that's where the bar was set. Why would he give you more when you've always been happy with this? I wouldn't expect to change him, either. That just doesn't happen.

I wish you the best of luck.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #5  August 9,2009, 10:48am
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The bottom line is that you're not getting even close to the relationsip you want. You've discussed it with him, and he doesn't want the same things. I know you've invested a lot into this, but are you really getting any returns on that investment?

I'd be inclined to have one last talk, let him know how serious you are about this, then either give him one last chance to work on this with you or you can walk.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #6  August 9,2009, 10:52am
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To be or not to be, yes, that is the question. Hmmm, you know they say absensce make the heart grow fonder. Being he is your boyfriend, something has him eaten up at the moment and his tongue is paralyzed. I say leave him a message, text, however you feel the need to communicate it saying you are there when he is ready to talk and then get busy, don't wait by the phone, he will call when he is ready. That is one of the hardest things for us women to do. We are naturally caretakers and feel like we need to take care of everything, but take my advice and take care of yourself. If everything else falls in place so be it, it was meant to be. If not, then you have not stopped living and are well on to moving forward. I wish you the best.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #7  August 9,2009, 11:14am
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If he had a really legit reason for not communicating more, then that would be one thing and understandable. I can even see a delayed text if it was received at a time that he was in the middle of something. If you're in a casual relationship (e.g., just dating but seeing other people too), then this would be completely acceptable behavior. However, you said that the two of you have been together for almost two years and referred to him as your boyfriend. IMHO, a relationship where two people are (for the lack of a better term) "going steady", then he should be showing a little more effort, and at least getting off one or two texts to you a day. If that's not possible, then a brief late night phone call just to check in and explain to you what's going on in his day. You shouldn't be his afterthought or running behind him. Move on, and if he really values the relationship, he will make the effort to work for it without you having to say a word. It's all about priorities.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #8  August 9,2009, 11:41am
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I have to agree with boccabum, while you might think of the guy as your boyfriend it sounds to me like the thinks of you more as something to do on his terms.
And brneyedangel is spot on about the gifts being to buy you, if not your love then at the very least your silence about how things aren't working for you.

A relationship is two people working together, mutual caring, mutual support, it doesn't sound to me like you're getting anything mutual here.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #9  August 9,2009, 12:28pm
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You should communicate this to him, instead of building it up and building it up until you can't take any more.
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #10  August 9,2009, 5:45pm
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gothustartus wrote :
I have to agree with boccabum, while you might think of the guy as your boyfriend it sounds to me like the thinks of you more as something to do on his terms.
gothustartus wrote :
And brneyedangel is spot on about the gifts being to buy you, if not your love then at the very least your silence about how things aren't working for you.

A relationship is two people working together, mutual caring, mutual support, it doesn't sound to me like you're getting anything mutual here.
Makes sense to me. The two of you seem to have different ideas about what the relationship is really about. If you must talk to him one more time I would just communicate what I am feeling and move on. The ball will then be in his court. If he is really interested in being with you - he will let you know it by his actions.

I swear the more I read on these boards the more I wonder why people play games with each other in "relationships"?
 
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