What causes Men/Women to be unable to set boundaries with their ex's?


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CEU is offline CEU Post #11  August 9,2009, 2:15pm
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is in a relationship

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Thank you everyone for responding to my thread this morning. Too bad I had to connect to a personality type that is pretty rare out there! I had never heard of the type of man who needs to be dominant in the work environment and submissive in relationships! Leave it to me to find one!

I stayed because there always seemed to be a plausible excuse. The straw that broke the camel's back was bringing the boy home who was not his. To me, he is using the caretaking of this child as an excuse to continue his daily contact with the ex (the child's mother).
He couldn't understand why I didn't want to be part of this strange web of ex's and children that were of no relation.

A positive is that at Church this morning I had a serious "God is here moment" and know that I did the right thing for me.

BTW...what is OP?

CEU
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #12  August 9,2009, 7:03pm
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enjoying the last day of summer break!

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Yeah, I don't understand it either. If they're "best friends", why didn't they just stay married? Divorce is about moving on with your life and cutting all ties, unless of course children are involved. In that case, the only dealings with the ex should be regarding the kids.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #13  August 9,2009, 7:58pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Icouldwriteabook wrote :
Very insightful, jayjay.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #14  August 10,2009, 5:55pm
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is in contemplation

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CEU wrote :
BTW...what is OP?

CEU
Original poster.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #15  August 10,2009, 11:01pm
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I just saved a bundle on child support by switching to condoms!

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Wow!
Sounds like a Jon & Kate +8 syndrome. I'm not surprised that his ex is a therapist (it seems like people with tons of personal issues become therapist/social workers/shrinks to fix their own problems).

His dependence was excessive and shocking. I hope your wounds aren't too deep.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #16  August 26,2009, 8:46am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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I read this like it was the holy grail!

It happened to me, so either it's not that rare or I'm that unlucky.

He and his ex had some sort of pseudo sibling co-dependent thing going on that, in the long run, made it impossible for me to be with him. She constantly factored into our decisions, sometimes (like JayJay's sister) he even responded to how he imagined she might act! He said once told me that he had strong feelings for her that weren't necessarily good!? Didn't know then, and still don't know now, how to process that really.

I could never settle on a single interpretation. One day I'd think he was weak and emotionally immature, the next I'd think that I was and that I couldn't face the fact that he simply didn't love me enough to make me his priority. Maybe both are true.

It's strangely comforting to know I'm not alone in this experience, just one of the unlucky few!

Thanks to all of you.
 
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