how do i just be his friend


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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #11  August 8,2009, 7:30am
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bekka74 wrote :
ok everyone on eh i need help. i'm best friends with this wonderful guy and things are great except over the last few months i realised i was in love with him. this was not planned and actually really sucks because he does not feel the same way and says he never will. i dont want to lose this person in my life but everyone out there how do i just stay friends with him? can someone tell me how not to love him? you guys can ask anything i'll respond if you want more info, i just need help cause my heart is hurting and i dont know how to stop it.
i wouldnt stay friends with him at all.

instead of worrying about this guy that doesnt love you. let him go and be happy with someone he will truly be in love with.

this calls for a solo weekend trip to paris.


 
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OverAnalyzer is offline OverAnalyzer Post #12  August 8,2009, 3:54pm
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Another tough one. I'm sorry you are hurting but you probably will for some time. You will always love him because - I believe - you cannot unlove that which you truly love. Time will make the pain fade and the memory sweeter, but that is in the future and not now.

The idea of being just friends, or going back to being best friends, may sound easy but when you see him with a girl, any girl, your head will spin and you'll probably feel sick to your stomach. After a few episodes of this you may be able to control it but you won't really want to. You may even break down and wonder "why her, why not me?" Not a good place to be.

If you think you can get past this and go back to being his friend and talk about his ladies and your men go for it. But if you don't think you can you should for now, physically distance yourself from him. Keep your contact electronic until you think you face him. When you meet you will know whether or not you can be a physical presence in his life.
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #13  August 8,2009, 4:29pm
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I'm sorry to learn of your situation, i was once in your shoes, and i know the feeling, each time you see this person right in front of you, you try to grab onto that faint line of hope that perhaps she/he will suddenly have a change of heart. You feel hurt and disappointed when your feeling is not reciprocated and this person remains a distance away from you.

Like most people responded physical distance at least for the meantime is definitely a good way to go. Without seeing this person, you allow your own space and time to digest your own feelings. Time is the best medicine because one day you'll just wake up and as happy a person as you once were, or even happier. That's the 'moment of clarity' as described in one of the other threads.

When you reach that MOC most likely you'll look back and think "what am i thinking about" you'll realise that it is not worth your happiness trying to bind with someone who doesn't love you.

In the meantime, it can be difficult to go through time... soak yourself in things you enjoy doing, if that includes vising this board and best of luck!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #14  August 8,2009, 4:34pm
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I do think that being friends is possible.

The one thing that I do not know is how it will feel when this friend in the future marries. I am guessing that it would be rather crushing.

If that does not come for many years then perhaps you can, by that point, be comfortable as friends.
 
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bekka74 is offline bekka74 Post #15  August 10,2009, 4:36am
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thanks everyone for your advise. i have had a lenghty discussion with him and he truely feels that he will never have an attraction to me, that the connection he swore we had is only and will only be as good friends. i am trying to distance myself from him as he seems to have met someone that will probably turn into something more and i know right now i couldnt handle seeing them together. i would love to try the complete break away everyone seems to think will work, thing is he's not just my best friend he's my only friend. i have severe trust issues from my marriage and other friendships and cant seem to really let people in. im hopeing the time apart when im at work and yes advoiding him will help put everything in clarity. i cant make him love me and i do need to find someone who will. i hope i can use all of your advise oneway or another and thank you all....bekka
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #16  August 11,2009, 12:18am
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Not only does it hurt you to be around him, it is also awkward for him to be around you. It's possible he may not even want you to be around. Think about it in the reverse way: How many guys have you rejected using the "friends" line? How many of them didn't stick around and you are just fine with that?

My suggestion is to get yourself away from this guy forever. It's the only way you will ever be able to move on.
Last edited by Oregon_Coast_Guy; August 11,2009 at 10:05pm.
 
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