Privacy and Trust

and I read it.

It was wrong to read her journal and it was doubly wrong to then present this sudden change in the level of your support, based as it was on the contents of that journal, as your own recognition of a personal shortcoming and subsequent change of heart.
It would have been better having made the first mistake if you had sat down with her and talked about what you'd read and her concerns, it certainly would have been more honourable, because it is difficult to see how she can now see your behaviour since as anything other than manipulative.
Had you told her then she may have seen it as the honest mistake you say it was, shrugged it off and moved on with the pair of you working as a team to better your relationship, but you used it to further your own position in the relationship so all honesty has gone out the window, the team got hung out to dry. Even if that wasn't the conscious intent it was the result.
The fact that you think it is ultimately to her benefit is not even remotely relevant, the end does not justify the means. Her privacy and trust has been violated and her emotions manipulated in a mercenary fashion as a result. Every day that this relationship continues without her having the chance to decide how offended she is or whether to forgive the breach is one more day living a lie.

Just put what you now know in your pocket and work on the things that you say will strengthen the relationship. And don't do anything like that again. Repeatedly crossing boundaries will eventually be realized and once the trust is broken, so is the relationship.

If you feel you must confess at some point, you need to profess the lesson learned and certainly offer your sincere apology.

First things first, You should find a debt counselor that offers his or her services for a reasonable fee amount, everyone has bills to pay. They can negotiate a much better deal for you then you can for yourself and work up a budget that will let you live and include gas money to raise your standard of living.

Why are you so willing to change yourself for a girlfriend, who you do not know if you have a future with or not? That should be the 2nd. item on your list, but don't rush it. If you guys do want a future together you definitely will need couples counseling. I would never mention to her at anytime in the present or the future that you read her journal! How would you feel if she went through your cell phone and read your text msg's and then your wallet? See if you guys can structure a plan for the future and if there is a future and if not just be friends but move on.

How are you supposed help her to get a mortgage, when you are having a problem getting gas money for your car to go see her?
What you did do was give us some insight on your emotional state and of your relationship, but you omitted a lot of factual information.
How old is she? Does she have a job? How does she plan to repay the loan? Does she want to have a future with you? Does she want a real estate partner or a partner in life? Your perceptions are not those of an engineer, rather an immature and unsavory teen who lacks exposure. That is why I suggested some counseling.

While you have training and an academic background your decision making process could use some polishing. Your trying to make an integrity or moral issue out of a commonsense issue, move on get past it.

Harvey7.