I'm with all of those who are willing to cut you a break. We all screw up from time to time. We are up here merely to offer what insight we may have and perhaps dispense a bit of advice. I think that it is inappropriate for anyone to jump down a perfect stranger's throat on these boards because no one up here is a personal confidante who has earned the right to do that. And the fact that some have done so has put me firmly in your camp. You can now do no wrong in my eyes. (It's the mother bear in me ).

I firmly believe that if I am going to write something in my journal that could potentially hurt someone else that I am required to take a personal responsibility for those words and make sure that they do not fall into that person's hands. I might leave my wallet and keys on the table in a moment of haste but I would NEVER leave my journal out in the open, especially if I am chronicling my concerns about someone that I care about.

Whether she left it out on purpose or not, if you went directly to dinner after reading it and addressed the specific concerns that she wrote about in her journal she may very well have done the math and put it together either during that conversation or when she got back home and saw her journal sitting beside the computer. I know that I certainly would have. The possibility does exist that she is waiting for you to fess up and the longer you wait to clear the air the more serious the issue can become.

Regardless, I do get the feeling that your conscience is not going to give you a complete pass on this and it could wind up biting you in the keester one day. If you want to avoid that you are going to have to come clean. It might be prudent to tell her that there is something that is bothering your conscience (validating the fact that you actually DO have a conscience, which is a rare and precious gift these days) and then explain the sequence of events just as you have here. Apologize sincerely and tell her that it is your desire to work through any concerns that she may have because you care about her and that you are truly interested in building a lasting relationship with her. Going through this will also allow you to assess her capacity for compassion, which is another rare and precious gift these days.

In the early phase of a relationship both parties have a lot to prove to one another. No one's perfect. We will ALL screw up from time to time, simply because we are human. That is part of the process that you have to go through in order to build up the trust in one another that is essential to a successful relationship. There will be a lot of mistakes, confessions, apologies and forgiveness along the way. Be honest. Be sincere. Be understanding. Be patient. If you do that, even if the relationship doesn't succeed you will still be able to walk away from it without shame or regret. Take good care of yourself so that you can be strong enough take care of her as you would like.