Responsibility for deferred children falls on men or women?


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #1  August 3,2009, 3:24pm
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I want to expand on this topic, which came up in the “biological clock ticking” thread, where the quotes appeared.
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  August 3,2009, 4:16pm
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Who thinks this issue is driven by something other than men or women, such as structural changes in the economy?
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  August 3,2009, 4:42pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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[quote=D_Lion;697657]I want to expand on this topic, which came up in the “biological clock ticking” thread, where the quotes appeared.
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  August 3,2009, 4:44pm
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UN Ranking Country Fertility rate(2005-2010)(births/woman) 184 Japan1.27178 Greece1.33177 Russia1.34175 Germany1.36173 Italy1.38169 Spain1.41166 Switzerland1.42160 Canada1.53154China1.73153 Australia1.79151 Sweden1.8148 United Kingdom1.82137 France1.89127 United States2.05111 Mexico2.21World2.55
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  August 3,2009, 5:00pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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The question I have here is for the women: how far into a relationship do you go before evaluating that your partner has the same goals you do? In the event you realize he does not, how quickly thereafter do you terminate the relationship?

For me, it varies from relationship to relationship, as people are unique. I do try to find out as much as I can as early on as I can. If it comes to the point where I find that we do not have anywhere near the same goals, then I will end the relationship pretty quickly.

Notwithstanding the obvious implication about a pattern of “jerks,” have any women been misled by a partner?

Yes, I was, once. I don't really want to get into the details, though, as it's quite a long story, and I've learned from it and moved on. Besides, despite the fact that he did this to me (and I do accept my portion of the blame here, too), I'd hate it if he came here and read about himself on the boards. It's just not my style to right a wrong by publicly airing things like this.

I have always had a hard time understanding why women can have difficulty meeting good men. I draw this conclusion from my own experience, especially on Match, where the overwhelming majority of women will not even acknowledge that there is a living person on the other end of the e-mail (since other men report the same experience, it cannot be due to me.) And that's only considering online.

I can't really speak to this very much, except to say that I acknowledge communication attempts made with me unless it is clear that we are not going to be a good match based on our profiles. If that is the case, then I will let the person contacting me know how I feel. I do not leave anyone hanging, as I do not wish to be treated this way myself.

As to having trouble meeting good men: Sometimes I think it can have something to do with geography, and sometimes I think it can be affected by other factors, such as stereotypes and expectations (either one's own expectations or what you perceive the other person's expectations might be). I find the older I get, the more difficult it is for me to find matches that would be a good fit for me. While I haven't limited myself geographically, I still find that I do better for myself than the service does. That said, I am still single, and on days when I allow it to get me down, I will joke that I am "terminally" single. Even then, though, I still know what I seek, and I won't settle for less just for the sake of being in a relationship. And you know, it's not like my standards are impossible, either.

As for the deferred children question, I don't blame anyone for the fact that I don't have children. If I am meant to have children, it will happen, and if I am not meant to have children, it won't. I've pretty much accepted the fact that it's not going to happen, and I'm okay with that. If I meet and marry a man with whom having a family would be a good thing, then if I'm not going to be coming from the nursing home to see them graduate from high school, fine, let's adopt some kids and give them a good home. But if not, well, I've learned to be okay with that too, because I do believe that there is an age after which starting a family probably isn't the brightest idea. I love children (if I didn't, I certainly wouldn't be an educator), but if I'm just going to sit and watch them play and I can't get involved in their lives, then I will have reached that point where I probably shouldn't be a parent.

Why do I feel like I've just taken an essay exam? Did I pass? Was it graded on a curve? Do I get a reward?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  August 3,2009, 5:16pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
Do I get a reward?

You may kiss the Frog!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #7  August 3,2009, 5:18pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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D_Lion wrote :
You may kiss the Frog!
Oh my goodness! This has been my day, now, hasn't it?
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #8  August 3,2009, 5:38pm
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  August 3,2009, 6:36pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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D_Lion wrote :
The question I have here is for the women: how far into a relationship do you go before evaluating that your partner has the same goals you do? In the event you realize he does not, how quickly thereafter do you terminate the relationship?
I have the impression that younger women can also not give a lot of consideration as to the long term possibilities with a man. I think younger women may be more likely to just go along having a good time with a guy, maybe even in a monogamous relationship, but may not give as much consideration to whether or not she might really have a future with him or not.

For example, I recently met a really beautiful, intelligent, vivacious Latina grad student who is probably in her mid (to late) 20s. I do plan to ask her out (surfing) sometime soon, but I'd actually prefer she was about 5 years older because I'd be more confident that she'd be thinking longer term if she was a little older. Who knows.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  August 3,2009, 6:46pm
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[FONT=Arial]Assuming she agrees to see you, at what point are you going to discuss your goals? (I think I recall you stating you wanted children.)
 
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