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View Poll Results: Will he ever call me again?
Yes 4 66.67%
No 2 33.33%
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postitgirl postitgirl is offline
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So I met a man last fall and we've been dating since mid-Feb. Things seemed great-we shared interests, have similiar families, values, etc. I've attended several family gatherings with him. We've had such wonderful conversations that we've shut down restaurants, talked for hours, etc.

In the beginning he would call me about once or twice a week and we'd email a few times a week. Things seemed to be progressing quite well, until the last time we were together, when he left he said, "I'll call you" and then called a whole week later. Since that call he has been acting distant-sporadically returning calls, calling and leaving messages once a week or so, and never emailing me. (I have not emailed him either).
I haven't heard from him in well over a week now. I feel really hurt for I thought we shared the same respect for each other. My family helped his brother-in-law get a great job; I feel as though I've been nothing but kind to him.
So what should I do? We are in our 30's! Why does this feel like middle school?
- July 29th, 2009, 08:05 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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I certainly don’t think you’ve “been used” (or that that is the right way to go presuming.)

Backing off from excess telephone is to me a good thing – it means things are becoming predictable and setting down out a “chasing” phase.

That may or may not be what is happening here.

He may be at a time where he wants to see some feelings for his partner, which just aren’t there. In that case, I’d say this is likely at its end.

Or, it may be an unrelated issue, such as employment or other concerns (that is generally why I lose interest, when it’s not something a partner did.)

Best thing is to ask him why he calls less often, and see how that conversation progresses.
- July 29th, 2009, 08:10 pm
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AustinShaguar AustinShaguar is offline
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So why haven't you made an effort to email him or actually get a hold of him on the phone? Kind of sounds like both of you are playing the middle school games. Also it sounds to me as though he has pretty much gotten past that initial excitement phase.
- July 29th, 2009, 08:13 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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D_Lion wrote :
Backing off from excess telephone is to me a good thing – it means things are becoming predictable and setting down out a “chasing” phase.

I can barely contain my excitement!

Then again, why do I find more than one thing inconceivable about this statement...
- July 29th, 2009, 08:17 pm
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happyquestion happyquestion is offline
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never assume, find out.
- July 29th, 2009, 08:31 pm
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This is off topic but a curious question for D_Lion:

Is it part of your style guide to delimit each paragraph with two tongue sticking smilies? I see that in almost all of your responses, there must be some sort of significance to it
- July 29th, 2009, 08:33 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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happyquestion wrote :
never assume, find out.
I agree your being overly emotional and it does not concern your family. You act like he owes you a debt of gratitude which he does not. You did something to upset him, I would give him a week or two to cool his pits and then call him for lunch. Ask, why he is upset with you? You do have an attitude problem, which could use an adjustment. A man does not chase you, because he respects you maybe he is bored with you, all talk and no action?

Harvey7.
- July 29th, 2009, 09:02 pm
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dietpepsi dietpepsi is offline
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If you've been dating for more than 3 months, have been intimate (to whatever degree) overnight and wake up having breakfast together in the morning, and are involved in each other's social circles BUT still haven't gotten to the point where you can automatically and consistently assume you're spending your weekends together -- then he most likely does not feel a long-term connection to you.

I don't think he used you but that he just did not develop an attachment to you. And if it hasn't yet, it is very unlikely to in the future.

***
He is likely to call again, but don't expect much. He is unwinding the relationship with fewer and fewer phone calls and visits.
Last edited by dietpepsi; July 29th, 2009 at 09:17 pm.
- July 29th, 2009, 09:14 pm
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yeoww yeoww is offline
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postitgirl wrote :
So I met a man last fall and we've been dating since mid-Feb. Things seemed great-we shared interests, have similiar families, values, etc. I've attended several family gatherings with him. We've had such wonderful conversations that we've shut down restaurants, talked for hours, etc.

In the beginning he would call me about once or twice a week and we'd email a few times a week. Things seemed to be progressing quite well, until the last time we were together, when he left he said, "I'll call you" and then called a whole week later. Since that call he has been acting distant-sporadically returning calls, calling and leaving messages once a week or so, and never emailing me. (I have not emailed him either).
I haven't heard from him in well over a week now. I feel really hurt for I thought we shared the same respect for each other. My family helped his brother-in-law get a great job; I feel as though I've been nothing but kind to him.
So what should I do? We are in our 30's! Why does this feel like middle school?
You're right - it's not junior high! Dating can be baffling at any age though. One of the benefits of getting older is moving past all of those teen-aged games. Just be direct - E-mail or call him and just ask him outright why he changed so suddenly. Even if you don't like what happens, you'll have more information and will be in a better place to make a decision about continuing with him or moving on.
- July 29th, 2009, 09:19 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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happyquestion wrote :
This is off topic but a curious question for D_Lion:

Is it part of your style guide to delimit each paragraph with two tongue sticking smilies? I see that in almost all of your responses, there must be some sort of significance to it

Do you want to take a walk on the wild side and make a guess?
- July 29th, 2009, 09:32 pm
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