Was I simply used?


View Poll Results: Will he ever call me again?
Yes 4 66.67%
No 2 33.33%
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postitgirl is offline postitgirl Post #1  July 29,2009, 7:05pm
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So I met a man last fall and we've been dating since mid-Feb. Things seemed great-we shared interests, have similiar families, values, etc. I've attended several family gatherings with him. We've had such wonderful conversations that we've shut down restaurants, talked for hours, etc.

In the beginning he would call me about once or twice a week and we'd email a few times a week. Things seemed to be progressing quite well, until the last time we were together, when he left he said, "I'll call you" and then called a whole week later. Since that call he has been acting distant-sporadically returning calls, calling and leaving messages once a week or so, and never emailing me. (I have not emailed him either).
I haven't heard from him in well over a week now. I feel really hurt for I thought we shared the same respect for each other. My family helped his brother-in-law get a great job; I feel as though I've been nothing but kind to him.
So what should I do? We are in our 30's! Why does this feel like middle school?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  July 29,2009, 7:10pm
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I certainly don’t think you’ve “been used” (or that that is the right way to go presuming.)
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #3  July 29,2009, 7:13pm
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So why haven't you made an effort to email him or actually get a hold of him on the phone? Kind of sounds like both of you are playing the middle school games. Also it sounds to me as though he has pretty much gotten past that initial excitement phase.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  July 29,2009, 7:17pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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[quote=D_Lion;691436]Backing off from excess telephone is to me a good thing – it means things are becoming predictable and setting down out a “chasing” phase[FONT=Arial].
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #5  July 29,2009, 7:31pm
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never assume, find out.
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #6  July 29,2009, 7:33pm
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This is off topic but a curious question for D_Lion:

Is it part of your style guide to delimit each paragraph with two tongue sticking smilies? I see that in almost all of your responses, there must be some sort of significance to it
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  July 29,2009, 8:02pm

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happyquestion wrote :
never assume, find out.
I agree your being overly emotional and it does not concern your family. You act like he owes you a debt of gratitude which he does not. You did something to upset him, I would give him a week or two to cool his pits and then call him for lunch. Ask, why he is upset with you? You do have an attitude problem, which could use an adjustment. A man does not chase you, because he respects you maybe he is bored with you, all talk and no action?

Harvey7.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #8  July 29,2009, 8:14pm
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If you've been dating for more than 3 months, have been intimate (to whatever degree) overnight and wake up having breakfast together in the morning, and are involved in each other's social circles BUT still haven't gotten to the point where you can automatically and consistently assume you're spending your weekends together -- then he most likely does not feel a long-term connection to you.

I don't think he used you but that he just did not develop an attachment to you. And if it hasn't yet, it is very unlikely to in the future.

***
He is likely to call again, but don't expect much. He is unwinding the relationship with fewer and fewer phone calls and visits.
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #9  July 29,2009, 8:19pm
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postitgirl wrote :
So I met a man last fall and we've been dating since mid-Feb. Things seemed great-we shared interests, have similiar families, values, etc. I've attended several family gatherings with him. We've had such wonderful conversations that we've shut down restaurants, talked for hours, etc.

In the beginning he would call me about once or twice a week and we'd email a few times a week. Things seemed to be progressing quite well, until the last time we were together, when he left he said, "I'll call you" and then called a whole week later. Since that call he has been acting distant-sporadically returning calls, calling and leaving messages once a week or so, and never emailing me. (I have not emailed him either).
I haven't heard from him in well over a week now. I feel really hurt for I thought we shared the same respect for each other. My family helped his brother-in-law get a great job; I feel as though I've been nothing but kind to him.
So what should I do? We are in our 30's! Why does this feel like middle school?
You're right - it's not junior high! Dating can be baffling at any age though. One of the benefits of getting older is moving past all of those teen-aged games. Just be direct - E-mail or call him and just ask him outright why he changed so suddenly. Even if you don't like what happens, you'll have more information and will be in a better place to make a decision about continuing with him or moving on.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  July 29,2009, 8:32pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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happyquestion wrote :
This is off topic but a curious question for D_Lion:

Is it part of your style guide to delimit each paragraph with two tongue sticking smilies? I see that in almost all of your responses, there must be some sort of significance to it

Do you want to take a walk on the wild side and make a guess?
 
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