After person hurt me, should I continue to date them?

who cares about the odds?

Ahem ...

I was hoping to ask for some objective opinions. Let me give some background information. I met a guy, actually from EHarmony, when I was 23 and we have been dating ever since (about 3 and a half years). We were even engaged for about a year, but we decided to put that off for a little while... We have had our share of problems the past few years. Overall we have had some good times together, he has been sweet to me most of the time. Our main problems centered on the fact that he has had almost constant financial problems. I have a great career, and worked hard to get my Master's Degree to get to this point in my career. My boyfriend, however, has no education. He was in the mililtary for four years, and that is why he put off going to college. Now he plans to enroll in classes for college in the upcoming fall to try to work towards an accounting degree. He basically has NO financial stability at all right now, while I do.

At any rate, at least he's trying I guess. But the financial problem isn't the only problem here. About two months ago we had an arguement, and then I didn't hear from him for about a week. He had never given me a reason before this time to doubt his feelings for me, and he had always sworn to me that he truly loved me and wasn't interested in dating anyone else. I thought maybe he just needed some time away from me.

I tried to send him some text messages during this week that I didn't hear from him, but got no answer. Finally, after a week went by, I got concerned about him and went to his apartment to see if we could talk. He said he was okay, and I invited him to dinner that night, but he didn't show up (he's NEVER stood me up before.)

Okay.. so, then a couple more days went by and I didn't hear from him. I was getting worried again, and getting upset. You see, we have dated a long time and not hearing from him is very unusual. So, I went back three days later to his apartment, and he announced to me that he "had a friend coming soon to stay with him." I said okay... and didn't think much of it. I assumed this friend was male friend. Well, I asked him to go have breakfast with me, and on the way there, he admitted that this person was a 29 year old girl that was living in Africa that he had been talking to on the internet for several days.

He said that she claimed to need some help "escaping from Africa," and that she had nowhere else to go and nobody else to help her. He said she was only a friend a friend of his, and that he had known her about 10 years ago from his home church, and that she was only going to be staying until she got back on her feet. I asked him if he was interested in dating this person, and he said "Maybe in the future, if you and I don't work out." But he also said that "maybe we should take a break from dating." He had never said anything like that to me before.

Okay.. sorry this is so long but it's complicated and you haven't heard the whole story yet... anyhow, I got upset, and didn't want to accept the fact that this girl was coming to live with my boyfriend. I told him that if he planned to continue with these plans, that I would never speak to him again. I told him I'd walk out completely. And instead of answering like I expected him to, he just kept repeating that "he couldn't break his promise to help this person." Basically he chose her over me.

So.. I left. I cried for two days, and then decided that I was so confused, and wanted the truth. So I went back to his apartment and asked to speak to him. He came outside, we sat on a bench, and I asked him for the truth. He told me that the truth is that he only wants to help this person leave Africa, and that he had already wired them $170.00 to help them. They had apparently been asking him for money. I asked him if he even knew who this person was. So, he invited me inside, and I picked up his laptop computer which was open, and saw that he had three pictures of this girl saved to his main desktop, and the pictures were pretty explicit. One of them was showing a girl in a string bikini. While I was staring at the computer in shock with him just sitting there watching me, this girl started sending instant messages on his computer. She called him "her love" and said that "she couldn't wait to be here with him."

What this all boils down to is that he had lied to me, and I was deeply, deeply hurt. I began crying, and yelling at him. He had never done anything in the past few years to betray me. I was shocked!!! I opened up his email account, and saw some emails that he had sent her. In the emails, he told her that he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with her. He told her that he loved her, and wanted her to be his wife! He was also planning on wiring her $500 more dollars that she was asking for. Yes, by the way, I was most certainly sure that this was a scam. And it turned out that of course he was lying about her being someone that he had gone to church with! He had never met this person before!

I was so hurt, I ended up slapping him on the face, and I left. The next day he called me and said he had checked himself into a mental institution. He told me he was sorry. I hung up on him. Since that time, however, I have tried to forgive him, and we have been dating again. He even wants to get married, and part of me does too because I have given so much of my life to him, and care about him. But now occasionally I notice that he does look at other girls when we are out together. It hurts. I just don't feel like I can trust him anymore. I keep telling him that if he loved me, then this situation would not have even happened. He just keeps telling me that he loves me, and was not in his right mind at the time.

The question is, should I continue to date him and give him another chance? He has apologized a thousand times, and swears that he was "out of his mind" when he treated me that way. He has not offered any other explanation, other than he was "out of his mind." He asked me for a second chance. He thinks I'm paranoid, and denies looking at other girls. Anyhow, what do you all think?

Is this another one of those fake posts by someone trolling for grins? If not, I'm game....

To the OP. If your sister or best friend told you the story you just told us what would your reply be? In my humble opinion the OP needs to get some counseling or therapy. No rational person would want to continue in a destructive relationship like this. You have to ask yourself: What is the upside to staying with this person and what is the downside?

Here are the big red flags I see....

He disappeared for a week
"maybe if you and I don't work out"
mental institution

None of this sounds very encouraging to me.