Advice! met great guy who happens to be felon


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nightling is offline nightling Post #101  October 29,2009, 7:22pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
This is a toughie, because people can change for the better. Take time to get to know him outside of a romantic relationship first.
Because he did tell you about it, this would be my take on it. I also agree with the poster who suggested checking his criminal record to make sure he told you the whole truth.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #102  October 29,2009, 7:34pm
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chawks64 wrote :
I agree. There are a lot of people out there who have done some very bad things and you would never know because they didn't get caught. So you should go into this cautiously, but you should do that with anyone you date.
This is so true. I tried to rate it five stars. I just noticed this thread is kinda old. lol Oh well.
 
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agriesha is offline agriesha Post #103  November 2,2009, 2:33pm
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I feel your pain on this one. My boyfriend, a wonderful guy in his 30s and divorced father of 2, spent some time in jail when he was in his early 20s. He hasn't been in trouble since then and does not do drugs, but I am fully aware that he is the exception to the rule.

In general, people who tend toward the behaviors that land them behind bars never fully grow out of them. However, it is possible. What made me feel better about dating him was 1) having him tell me exactly what he'd done, and then I looked it up myself since a person's felony record is public. I couldn't see all of the details, such as the judgements, but I could verify that what he had told me was true and that has helped me to trust him 2) he told me why he straightened out. For him, it was having a child, then getting married and having another, that made him realize getting in trouble all of the time wasn't worth it and he wanted to provide for his family. What's more is that it was important for me to know that he saw, as I did, that what he had done in the past, and the ways in which he had hurt other people, was morally wrong. We had to talk it out so that I fully understood where he was coming from, but he did fully explain that he understood his past actions to be hurtful to himself and others, and very wrong.

His marriage didn't work out for other reasons, but he has stayed true to those commitments. I can see the resolve, I can see the results, and he has my trust, despite his record. Given the nature of his offenses, and the time that has passed since them, he has not had any difficulties finding work for reasons other than level of education needed and job opportunities. The only limitations are that he cannot work for the government nor a government contractor because he most likely would not receive security clearance. Also, there are no restrictions on where we can live.

Let me emphasize again, that my boyfriend is certainly the exception to the rule and that often times people who have prison in their pasts never shake that behavior. But, if you don't see any red flags, and if you can trust the person you're with completely, go for it.
 
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SteveVance is offline SteveVance Post #104  November 5,2009, 9:53pm
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tbe113 wrote :
I don't know about the rest of you, but i was a young adult and did some things not very proud of, and at the same time never got cauught. I do know about being in the wrong place at the wrong time and it is not a good place to be.

Yeah I did some things that I am not proud of, but it is not a felony to pee in public, nor is it a felony to get sick in public. It is also not a felony to break your dorm window because you locked yourself out.

I will further the example with things I did not do: Its not a felony to ... drive drunk, its not a felony to have a small amount of drugs in some states. It is not a felony to shoplift. It is not a felony to steal under $250 worth of stuff.

Felonies are: Grand Theft Auto, Grand Larson, Extortion, Murder, Rape, Fraud, Felonious Assault, Drug Trafficking

Do you see what I am getting at here?
Look you can give it a shot if your heart says yes, but if your head says no, it will say that for a while. Additionally, there are plenty of guys out there who have not been to prison! Just a thought.
 
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