Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #1  July 26,2009, 7:38pm
Genie57's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Chicago

Posts: 183

See profile

I am new to eHarmony. Like one week I think - maybe 2. I have been reading a lot of posts where people say they have fallen in love really quickly with people they have met on eHarmony or through some other way. Then they are upset because the other person has cut off contact or isn't returning the same feelings, or is seeing other people - whatever. I guess I find this odd. How do you fall in love with someone you could not possibly know that quickly? I can understand feeling a strong attraction quickly or strong affection after starting to get to know the person...but "in love" in 3 weeks or 2 months? Maybe I am jaded by life - but I really just don't get it.

I am not trying to be weird or mean - but I wish someone could either explain this to me or tell me what I am missing. And yes, I have been in love before. Several long term relationships before I got married and of course with the person that I ended up marrying. But I did not instantly fall in love with these people. I had to get to really know them first and I'm sorry but I don't think that you really know someone enough to be in love with them that fast (2 weeks).

Someone please help me to understand.

Thank you.
 
  Reply With Quote
emerraald is offline emerraald Post #2  July 26,2009, 7:56pm
emerraald's Avatar

is happy.

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 197

See profile

I am confused by that also. It take time.
 
  Reply With Quote
Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #3  July 26,2009, 8:04pm
Genie57's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Chicago

Posts: 183

See profile

emerraald wrote :
I am confused by that also. It take time.
Thank you so much for that response. I see that so much on this site - "I just met him/her 3 weeks ago and we are in love." "We just met but I love him/her and I am going to stop meeting other people." Are you kidding me? I thought I was going to get beaten up for starting this thread - but I really don't understand!
 
  Reply With Quote
Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #4  July 26,2009, 8:22pm
Snick8699's Avatar

Forget Prince Charming...give me a guy who makes me HOT!

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Connecticut

Posts: 70

See profile

I think perhaps these people have never been in love before. I know I have been in love just once and it took months to feel it and when I did, I knew it was unlike I've ever felt before. Too many times people feel affection or passion and mistaken it for love because they are so eager to feel it. Everyone wants love and hope and pray that what they're feeling is love and it will be returned. Be thankful you have felt it and know it takes time. Those that have experienced mutual "love at first sight" are truly the lucky ones.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  July 26,2009, 9:57pm

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

It's all a fantasy based on not having experienced the real thing as a point of reference for comparison. It's make believe! Anyone recall the song, The Great Pretender by The Platters?

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
sodone is offline sodone Post #6  July 27,2009, 2:24am
sodone's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2009

Posts: 99

See profile

*raises hand*

Guilty as charged

I do have to say that I am no spring chicken, and I have a long history of drama free life. I've been married, am a good mom, and have been steadily employed my entire adult life. I say these things to let you guys know that I am far from the flighty type. But my boyfriend, who also has a long history of stable behavior, and I really fell for each other almost immediately. We would talk about how crazy it was.

And yet...I had been dating for a very long time. I had learned to be very independent and was not willing to compromise what I wanted out of a relationship simply to avoid being alone. As a matter of fact, I started to believe that I was likely to be single forever and I was fine with that.

When I met my boyfriend we just fit. The match was just there emotionally and intellectually. The chemistry was totally there! I feel like I had done a lot of research in my 14(!!!) years of dating and that falling in love so quickly wasn't such a flaky thing to do.

So now here we are, six months on, and I have yet to question my judgement. In fact, this is by far the best relationship I have ever had in my life. Could I eventually be proven wrong about this? Sure. But this has been an absolutely beautiful experience and one that I will never regret.

So there you go.
 
  Reply With Quote
Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #7  July 27,2009, 6:11am
Genie57's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Chicago

Posts: 183

See profile

sodone wrote :
*raises hand*

Guilty as charged

So now here we are, six months on, and I have yet to question my judgement. In fact, this is by far the best relationship I have ever had in my life. Could I eventually be proven wrong about this? Sure. But this has been an absolutely beautiful experience and one that I will never regret.

So there you go.
You are the only one I have seen on here that has "fallen in love" at the drop of a hat who is still together after 6 months. Congrats to you but this has not been the norm from what I have been reading.

I still don't get it.
 
  Reply With Quote
jimmyfats is offline jimmyfats Post #8  July 27,2009, 7:35am
jimmyfats's Avatar

"Fats ?" It was supposed to be "Fast". Ask me why.

Newbie

Joined: Apr 2009

Illinois

Posts: 22

See profile

Actually I was going to ask a similar question here.

My experience is I met a woman, in person, we started talking getting to know each other and I wouldn't say quickly but it has been about 9 months, and now I feel a very strong attraction to her to a point where I think about her constantly, I get a feeling of needing to see her to "brighten" my day. Just thinking about her, about holding her hand, being together is enough to make me feel good. Now I know some people are thinking 9 months, that's a lot to not move into a relationship, but I'm the kind of person that has to know someone before I can be involved with them. Probably because of finding out my 16 year marriage was based on the ex lying to me 90% of the time.
So then I look at what 'Harvey7' wrote that, it is a fantasy from not having a reference point to compare it to, which has always been in the back of my mind.

And I look at this woman now and think "this is what I am looking for" in a LTR, and it makes me think of "why"?
Is it just because of what I didn't have in my marriage and I am craving that and I see that in this woman?
Or is it just a "rebound" effect that I fall for the first woman to show me what I didn't have in my marriage, and it will pass?
Or is it actually love for this woman?

At this point Harvey7 makes a valid point since what I thought was a relationship was mostly made up of deceptions.

You want to talk about confusion.
I'd like to have someone to share life with, but I'd like to know that it is real this time.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #9  July 27,2009, 7:40am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,321

See profile

My guess is semantics. "In love" can mean any number of things people are feeling. People, especially younger ones, may experience the heady rush of attraction as "love" and truely believe this is it.. Besides, there are different types of "love". So one word for so many things is no reason to define it only as one's own definition. Your definition of it comes from many years of wisdom, and taking your time. Some people are lucky enough to really feel "the right one" when they meet them, and they know it. In fact ,studies have shown that an undeniable attraction and sense of "this is the one" right from the start, is a major contributing factor to passion and relationships that stay alive , rather than end up in the "roommate zone" or divorce court.
Genie57 wrote :
Thank you so much for that response. I see that so much on this site - "I just met him/her 3 weeks ago and we are in love." "We just met but I love him/her and I am going to stop meeting other people." Are you kidding me? I thought I was going to get beaten up for starting this thread - but I really don't understand!
 
  Reply With Quote
Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #10  July 27,2009, 8:25am
Genie57's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Chicago

Posts: 183

See profile

Wiseman2 wrote :
My guess is semantics. "In love" can mean any number of things people are feeling. People, especially younger ones, may experience the heady rush of attraction as "love" and truely believe this is it.. Besides, there are different types of "love". So one word for so many things is no reason to define it only as one's own definition. Your definition of it comes from many years of wisdom, and taking your time. Some people are lucky enough to really feel "the right one" when they meet them, and they know it. In fact ,studies have shown that an undeniable attraction and sense of "this is the one" right from the start, is a major contributing factor to passion and relationships that stay alive , rather than end up in the "roommate zone" or divorce court.
I'm sure that my "years of wisdom" do probably affect my thinking. The first time I "fell in love" I was 16 and it was quick. The next time I "fell in love" after that I was 25 and that was the person I ended up marrying (but only after dating for 3 years and getting to know him). Looking back, the first one was definitely puppy love because clearly I didn't know squat at that age. The one I ended up marrying I was older and I did not just fall in love with him instantly. I was very attracted to him and felt chemistry - but I had to learn who he was before I could fall in love with him. And I guess that's my problem with understanding his whole thing. You can't really know someone in 2 weeks or 2 months. How in the world can you be in love with them???

Anyway I am in my early 50's now and I just don't understand this love at first sight thing. I guess some wisdom does come with age and knowing that love does not typically come instantaneously. I just felt that I had to comment and get some opinions because all this "love at first sight" thing was driving me crazy. I have never seen so many people saying they are "in love" after only knowing someone for a very, very short period of time and be ready to give over their entire lives to these people who are virtually strangers.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Is She a trustworthy?-Needs 3rd party perspectives! | Relationships | Am I toast? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Problems with "I Love You" pixie11 Relationships 36 March 12,2011 12:36pm
What Is Love? FaithNGod Christian Singles 42 September 20,2009 3:58am
MJ The King coriglnm Music 12 July 21,2009 9:37am
When You Love Them More Than They Love You outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 2 June 17,2009 11:12am
Old Fashioned Romance & Courtship Just_A_Thought Love in Color 78 May 31,2009 6:54pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:11pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0